If you don’t spend enough time in the quiet of your mind… you won’t hear the whispers of your soul.
…And your soul is the only part of you that knows what’s really going to lead to fulfillment.
Your mind likes to think it knows what’s going to lead it there, but your mind is also heavy into comparisonism, social hierarchies, and other people’s opinions.
Your soul…? Couldn’t care less.
And once you get to that kind of space… how could you be lead astray?
It seems to me like sitting and just being with one singular person or task or thought is becoming increasingly difficult for the modern person.
And it’s because we’re increasingly normalizing “multi-tasking,” distracted presence, and boundary-less access.
If we want to feel more fulfilled, we need to do better at filling our moments with undivided attention, energy, and effort. It’s the split attention, energy, and effort that always leaves us feeling unfulfilled, isn’t it?
Think about the days when you’re brushing your teeth while putting clothes on, checking emails at red lights, scrolling through socials while in work meetings, taking business calls while chauffeuring the kids, watching the restaurant TVs while eating out with family…
It’s all so scatterbrained and mismatched!
Of course we feel unfulfilled at the end of our days.
What we need to do is try to normalize the opposite:
It’s unbelievable how simple it all is.
…And yet, it’s one of the hardest things for the modern person to do.
A quote I uploaded yesterday that I’ve been thinking about a lot:
“Because work has temporal structure, we unconsciously associate leisure with temporal disorganization. And over this deadening rhythm is played, again and again, the same psychological bolero: Monday, the Day of Wrath; Tuesday and Wednesday, the grind; weary Thursday, across whose fallowness Friday, a prostitute-goddess of inexplicably renewable freshness, beckons with a promise of unspecified fulfillment. This promise is based on the lie that human nature, unfulfilled by work, can be fulfilled by leisure. Of course the promise is never kept; we spend Saturday and Sunday consecrating the week’s successes and failures to oblivion, in deepening dread of the Monday to come.”
Robert Grudin, Time And The Art Of Living
I hadn’t really thought about it like this before, but I do feel this strange urge to be anti-temporal-structure when off work.
I still usually get done main priorities (i.e. workout, chores, errands, etc)—but definitely in a more disorderly way. I usually sleep in later… Am on my phone longer… Give into cravings more…
And while it’s true that it’s precisely this that gives leisure time at least some of its pleasure, I oftentimes feel like I finish those same days feeling less good about the day overall… Like it was mostly wasted…
And while, yes, we need this temporal disorganization space as a sort of Yin to the Yang of work, I also think we need to be more mindful than ever of what we’re choosing to do during “disorganized time…” Are we passive-entertainment-binging or casually reading? Are we TikTok-ing or hobbying? Are we actively living or screen vegetating?
Something to think about…
One of my martial arts students lost his belt a few weeks ago because he was hitting people and being unsafe in various situations.
Yesterday, he finally earned it back.
And right in that moment of elation while he was hugging it and looking to his guardian’s face for cues on how to feel and act… she pointed to his chest and said, “Do you feel that? That’s proud. You’re proud of yourself for doing so much better at managing big emotions and being safe.”
Naming the emotion, especially for kids who are navigating whirlwinds of complicated ever-changing emotions, is one of the fundamental first steps in helping them understand how to act and respond to what’s otherwise unknown, unidentified, and unclear.
…And so it is for adults.
Because what happens when there are big unknown, unidentified, and unclear emotions is that we start busting at the seams with energy that we don’t know how to direct—and we start reacting (mindlessly) instead of responding (mindfully).
But big emotions aren’t something to fear—it’s the very substance of what gives our lives vibrancy. We simply need to learn how to better identify what it is we’re feeling so that we can respond (not react) in ways that are proven to help.
For example:
How are you feeling right now? Can you name the emotion? Do you know how to direct the energy of the emotion in a constructive way? Try doing this at least one time today.
As an extension off yesterday’s post, not only do I think it’s better to read several pages from one author versus one page from several different authors (emails and blogs included)… I also think it’s better to read one page from one author and really think about what it said (and do inner work with what thoughts it evoked) versus reading a bunch of pages from one author filled with bunches and bunches of what they think with no time to think about any of it.
Inbox zero is tempting. Getting the book checked off your list is appealing. Sucking up every idea and insight available to you in every moment of every day can feel deceptively productive.
But the reality is, as I was alluding to yesterday, tons of insight plus zero processing space pushes those insights out of your brain just as fast as they’re getting sucked in—because our short term memories can only store so much… which is why we (I) can spend an hour watching short videos, feel good about them while I’m doing it, and finish feeling like I took nothing away.
The key takeaway from this is that insight isn’t instantly integrated. Insight needs processing space—inner work time—where it can simmer, settle, and melt into your being.
Otherwise, it’s in one ear and out the other… in one eye and out the other… in one side of your brain and forced out the other… letting it linger is what allows it to stay within. And lingering happens only when there’s nothing else pushing it around and out of the way.
On weekday afternoons, as I’m sipping my coffee, I’ll read some insightful content from books and blogs.
Three of the books I’ll check out are page-a-days that feature one focused idea for each day of the year and there are maybe 5-10 blogs I’ll digest in the same way—a short insight sent out either daily or weekly.
What I’ve been feeling lately, however, is that it’s too much jumping around.
…I’ll read maybe 5-10 pages of content in total, but it’s like each page is authored by another person… and I’m noticing that I’m not retaining the ideas as well because I have to context switch so frequently.
What I want to shift to is 5-10 pages from a single content source/person and then rotate who I read from daily. This allows me to keep the context straight and read more seamlessly one idea to the next.
I feel similarly with social media.
I’ll watch video shorts for an hour and feel like some of the stuff is really great—but can’t remember any of it when I’m done. When I watch long-form videos, however, I usually leave with at least a few take-aways.
This is a shift that more of us need to make in our lives.
…Away from shorter, shorter, shorter… and find ways to move towards the opposite. Because one minute of math, one minute of social studies, and one minute of science taught in rotation for 60 rotations is NOT the same as 60 minutes of math, 60 minutes of social studies, and 60 minutes of science taught straight up.
…When do you feel like you retain what you consume the best?
While dropping off flyers at houses for the door-to-door food drive, one house had a box of snacks on the porch with a sign that read, “Please, help yourself :)”
This came in stark contrast to just about every other house that had “Beware of Dog” posters, “You’re Being Recorded” warnings, “No Soliciting” notices, “Protected by Whatever Security System” signs, bolt locked storm doors, barking dogs, extra fences, etc.
It was a brief window into the life of a mail/delivery person and how cold and hostile it can feel going onto people’s property… not that there’s anything wrong with anything listed above… but what a nice gesture at one of the busiest, most stressful times of the year for their line of work.