Category: Self-Limiting Beliefs

…A student of mine exclaimed frustratingly while trying to coordinate her body to do some martial arts moves that she kept confusing.

To which I replied with something along the lines of: “Nothing is wrong with you. You’re learning. Slow down and stop thinking that anything is wrong with you. You’re on precisely the right path. It’s the rushing—your desire to get it correct now—that’s causing the confusion. Calm your mind and take it slow; patience is required for growth.”

So many times in life, what’s wrong with us is the fact that we think something is wrong with us.

And it’s precisely those beliefs that become the self-fulfilling prophecies that (continue to) make things go wrong.

What if—now stay with me here on this—nothing was wrong with you?

What if you were precisely where you were meant to be, as you are?

What if all of the people and things that were telling you that something was wrong with you were in fact… the ones and things that were wrong?

…What if you lived your life thinking you were… just right?

P.s. 48 Brianna Wiest Quotes from The Mountain Is You on Self-Sabotage and Healing

Being the manager of a business, a big part of what I do is sales.

Fortunately for me, I’m wholeheartedly in love with what I sell.

Also fortunately for me, I’ve been able to learn from great salesmen who are also wholeheartedly in love with what they sell.

Many years ago, however, when I was first moving into sales from a teaching role, I made the mistake of thinking salesmen had to look a certain way, talk a certain way, and had to have a certain personality flair about them that was… in my mind… largely innate.

And in my mind, if my identity didn’t match that identity type… I couldn’t do it. After all, they were great, they looked the part, they were able to walk that innate walk… Who was I in comparison? …And it was that self-limiting belief that made me lack major confidence.

But, after enough training, trial-and-error, and growth… I slowly started to settle into my own style. I took what I liked from the greats, discarded what I didn’t, added my own unique takes, mixed in thoughts from other greats, and eventually landed on a style that I’m super comfortable and confident with.

This is the learning curve when it comes to developing any new skill.

As I reflect on this, the big takeaway for me is to avoid at all costs trying to copy and paste exactly what you see in another. This will only drain precious life energy that you could otherwise be using to invest in the real game-changing task: making the thing your own.

At a recent holiday party that was being hosted at the school I teach at, I put on fun dance music, had a big group of kids make a circle and told them to copy whoever was voted to go into the middle.

The kids who were voted in danced, jumped, spun, cartwheeled, ran, slid, kicked, ducked, jumping jacked, wormed, can opened, back bent, and so much more—with very little hesitation or self-consciousness. And there was a 100% participation rate.

After a few rounds of that, I told the kids to just dance however they wanted to—that there was no need to copy any more. And they all pretty much did.

…Except one little boy who couldn’t have been older than seven who came up to me and said, “I am not the dancing type.”

Which was curious to me because he participated and moved the entire time we were in the copying rounds.

So I responded as unhesitatingly as I could and said, “That’s okay, you don’t have to be. Just keep copying the other kids and don’t worry what anybody else thinks.”

And so he agreed and went off jumping, spinning, cartwheeling, running, sliding, kicking, ducking, jumping jacking, worming, can opening, back bending, and so much more.

I don’t know how he came to the conclusion—at seven—that he wasn’t the “dancing type,” but what I saw was a kid who was “dancing” just as good as any other on that floor.

And it was a wonderful reminder that the words that follow “I am…” follow you. So be VERY careful what words you choose to fill in that blank with.

With each reflected upon experience, we learn something about ourselves.

…Something goes well and we make a mental note to try and repeat that experience.

…Something goes wrong and we make a mental note to try and not repeat that experience.

The more we do this, the more self-aware we become. Until eventually, we get to a point where we feel like we know ourselves pretty damn well.

…We know what boosts us up and we know what brings us down. We know what makes us cheery and helpful—and we know what makes us irritable and withdrawn. We know what keeps us calm and we know what ticks us off.

And while there’s no doubt that this type of insight is invaluable to a person… it can also slowly become a crutch.

Oscar Wilde once said, “To define is to limit”—and this is precisely what we do to ourselves the more we “define” ourselves. The more sure we are that we’re “not a morning person”—the more we limit our ability to experience joy in the morning. The more sure we are that we “can’t function without food at a certain time”—the more we limit our ability to perform if we ever aren’t able to eat at that certain time. The more sure we are that we “aren’t the person who does that—whatever “that” is—the more we limit ourselves from ever trying.

Self-awareness is a superpower—don’t get me wrong.

But, try not to be so self-aware that you leave yourself no room to breathe into any new/fresh identities or take on any new/fresh experiences.

The thing about arrogance is that it allows people to perform without a throttle—they have an undeniable belief in themselves and little to no perceived limits.

This can be a superpower when channeled correctly.

The problem with arrogance is that, ironically, it is usually build upon a foundation of lack. There is no throttle and there is little to no limit because what they are trying to prove has little to no limit.

And what they are trying to prove is that they do, indeed, have worth; that they are respectable; that they are competent; that they are “good;” that they can be “successful;” and so on.

And when you have something to prove—that is based on the perception of others—you can either 1) stand out from the rest by straight up being the best or 2) tear everyone else down until you’re the best that’s left.

But, the idea of building other people up becomes a fundamental threat to the arrogant person because it means they’ll move further into the crowd; the averages; the “unseen” masses.

The key to turning arrogance from a “weapon of mass destruction” to an ultimate superpower is to remove the idea of competition with others. When you can task the arrogant person with a mission that has nothing to do with outperforming or beating others, there is no limit to the amount of good they’ll attempt to do.

…Task an arrogant person with becoming the best fighter and there’s no limit on how many people he’ll (try to) beat down.

…Task an arrogant person with becoming the greatest philanthropist and there’s no limit on how many people he’ll (try to) help.