Category: Failing Forward

“That’s alright, we don’t quit.”

I said playfully as she looked at me for a signal on how she should feel about missing her shot.

“We take that ball and we put it right back up again.”

And so she refocused on the basketball rim, scrunched her little body down like a spring, and shot the ball back up with all her might.

Missing again, she looked at me again for a signal on how she should feel.

Without even the slightest hesitation I repeated exactly the same line.

And without any further hesitation, she refocused, scrunched back down, and shot it back up.

And this continued again and again and again until around shot number 16 when she finally made it.

And what I loved the most about this experience today wasn’t just the playful acceptance of failure as being a part of the process towards success… nor was it the fact that she made one of her first ever basketball shots on a regulation rim at seven years old (and one of those outdoor double rims at that)… but it was what her little four year old brother did after watching the whole thing unfold.

He ran up and asked if he could try—and of course we let him.

And after missing his first shot… rather than cry or get mad or give up… completely unprompted he said: “That’s alright, we don’t quit.”

…And playfully asked if he could take another shot.

When I take a shot and miss in basketball, I feel bad.

I feel bad not only about letting my team down, but start to feel bad about my shot.

One of the things I’ve been impressed with, playing with the guys that I do, is that oftentimes, when I or someone else misses a shot, they’ll shout out, “Keep shooting!”

…And it’s exactly what I need to hear every time I hear it.

Because they know—probably all too well themselves—that self-consciousness, self-doubt, and hesitation are the real sabotaging agent of a person’s performance. And if the team is going to win, they need each player to perform their best. Which, of course, happens when each is the opposite of what I just listed above.

…And the best way to get there, is to show your teammates support, shower them with faith, and let them know it’s okay to take a shot and miss—that it happens to all of us—so that they can stay focused and keep playing against the opposing team rather than against themself.

As it is with the teams you play life with.

Keep shooting.

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P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

I bought tickets to a 2-day event that was happening over Memorial Day weekend only to find out that I got the weekend wrong and it wasn’t, in fact, over Memorial Day weekend.

…Which meant, of course, that I didn’t actually have the weekend off and I wouldn’t actually be able to go.

And, of course, there was a no refund policy.

So there I was, $180 in the hole for an event I wouldn’t even be able to attend.

And, of course, when I emailed the customer service folks, they reiterated that there was a no refund policy and that there was nothing they could do.

…But, said I should try selling them on SeakGeek, StubHub, etc.

And you know what… I always wondered how that might go if I was to get an extra ticket to a really great event early and resell it on one of those websites… maybe even for a profit?

Which is precisely the opportunity that I’m walking away from this experience with.

…And if you look closely, you might find a hidden opportunity in a seemingly stupid-only move that you recently made, too.

A parent asked me the other day how he can make his child more humble.

His child was starting to do things like say how much better he was than his dad and ignore his dad’s advice because he thought he knew better—and it was starting to cross the line from confident to cocky.

Telling him to just “be humble,” in my experience, wouldn’t do much good.

The way I look at it is like this: if confidence is success remembered… then cockiness is a disproportionate amount of success remembered compared to failures.

What I told him to try… is exposing him to more failures. Which might not sound like something a father would ever want to do to their son… but it’s exactly what builds humility—particularly in cocky individuals.

I told him to try having him learn a brand new skill… or a complicated sports move… or an advanced martial arts kick. And to have him do it while he’s surrounded by a group of kids who are better than him.

…Let him not be the best one in the room for a while. Let him struggle in front of his peers. Let him learn how to ask the other kids for help. Let him remember what it’s like to be on the other side of the learning curve again. Let him do the things he had to do as a beginner again—the things that got him as good as he got in the first place that he was forgetting about and taking for granted.

Let him learn… how to learn again.

Imagine reading a book titled, Picture Perfect.

And it was about a guy or gal who grew up in a picture perfect neighborhood with picture perfect parents who had a picture perfect education and got a picture perfect career who then married the picture perfect spouse and then settled into the picture perfect fairytale life with a big house, fast cars, luxury clothes, fancy parties, and lots of travel.

…No conflict, no challenges, no adversities, no resistance, no plot twists.

Just a straight line from birth to happily ever after.

This type of story would bore readers to tears.

It’s wildly un-relatable and in complete contradiction to the human condition.

…Which is to face a seemingly never-ending onslaught of conflict, challenge, adversity, resistance, and plot twists.

Why? …Because we’re imperfect creatures living with other imperfect creatures who are all trying to figure it out as we go in an imperfect world. Chaos is bound to ensue.

But, it also keeps things interesting.

The most captivating stories are the ones that follow humans who have overcome the most incredible odds. The ones who have faced the most adversity and yet found a way through. The ones who got punched over and over again with one challenge after the next… who still got back up to fight.

Remember this as you compare your daydreams to your reality.

You’re not unlucky; you’re not a failure; you’re not a lost cause—you’re thickening the plot.

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P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

I decided today was the day I’d break my bike in for the summer.

I maneuvered it out from the back of my garage, dusted it off, filled the tires with air, cleaned off the ol’ helmet, packed my lock, and off I went.

…I didn’t make it but 10 houses down the street when my rear tire went flat.

Now, what this moment represents is one of those ever-so-present fork-in-the-road moments where you’re given a choice.

A) Swear, kick, fuss, scream, and temper tantrum until a dark cloud forms over your head.

B) Use it as an opportunity to finally learn how to change the inner tube on your road bike.

We’re given choices like these, dare I say, by the hundreds every week.

What many of us don’t realize is that by changing our choice to something like “B” more often, not only might we eliminate the dark cloud from forming, but we build a skill or new level of resilience that mitigates the same type of situation from happening again in the future.

I, for example, plan on keeping a back-up tube with me as I ride from now on. And the prospect of having to set aside hours of time and chunks of money to get my flat tire fixed by a professional, is a path that is quickly fading from any future forks in my road.

I’ll soon be able to do it myself.

…Which means less forks and more knife paths for me.

I like knife paths.