Category: Making A Difference

If I think too much about who’s on my email list, I have a really hard time settling on a topic.

Should I write for the parents?

Should I lean more towards business casual or drinking buddy language?

Should I bear in mind the people I’ve met through martial arts or music or social media or education or travel?

But then I come back to my mission statement: I help busy people do inner work.

…And I can focus again. Because I’m not writing for any one person on my list. In fact, I’m not even writing for the entirety of the people on my list.

…I’m writing for me. Because I’m busy. And I need to keep finding ways to do inner work.

Because I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: daily writing that’s inner work based is one of the best things I’ve ever done for my mental health, healing, and personal growth.

And if I can help some of the other busy people out there via the work I’m doing for myself… or help them build a practice that’ll guide them forward in the same way my practice has guided me… then that’s a pretty incredible bonus.

It’s very hard to give what you don’t have.

This is obvious from a material standpoint, but maybe less so from an emotional one.

If I want my children to have money, but I don’t have any money to give them, the money I want them to get won’t be coming from me—and I have to figure out another way.

The same is true for joy. If I want the people around me to feel joyous, but I don’t have any joy to give them… the joy I want them to exhibit isn’t going to come from me… and I have to figure out another way.

And maybe “another way” is to ask someone else to give it to them… or teach them how to make/create it themself… or hire someone else to teach them how…

…Or, of course, you could figure out how to get joy / money yourself so that you can give it to them after all.

And instead of trying to use (whether consciously or unconsciously) broke to create money or misery to create joy or hate to create love… you can turn the focus of your attention around and back to the source. Back to the place you can control. Back to you, your life, and your own inner workings so that what you most want for others can (finally) start coming from you.

Another takeaway from the live Imani Perry talk I attended this past Thursday: she said, “Most modern day people have just enough means to entertain themselves away from truth.”

Truth, of course, being the reality of the world.

…And how it’s not cushy couches and meaningless iPhone games.

…But, how it’s war and crime and hate.

It’s not only that, of course—there is so much of the opposite in the world. But, it’s undeniably present in our shared reality.

And the point she was getting to shortly after she shared the above quote is that, if we’re not acting in a way that stands up to the war and crime and hate… then we’re a part of the problem. And if we “entertain ourselves” into ignorance… then we’re a part of the problem. If we stand up, speak out, and act in ways that lead to peace and justice and love… then we’re a part of the solution.

…And what we need now more than ever are people who are a part of the solution.

I was out at a music show dancing not too long ago when out of the sea of people in front of me, a person with a bucket in one hand danced towards me and pointed to a crushed bottle on the ground.

Confused at first, but quickly putting the pieces together, I picked up the crushed bottle and tossed it into the bucket.

…A giant dance party ensued.

Little did I know, the person carrying the bucket was working for the event and had six others trailing behind them who were trying to encourage participants to clean up and help keep the space clean.

And what an efficient, fun, and aligned strategy that was.

All seven workers would circle and dance and hype up whoever helped clean and turned the space into an immediate mini-party. They even gave me a giant blue cape with the music show logo on it as a gift. And I flew to a bunch of others and continued the vide: I mysteriously pointed towards random crushed bottles on the ground, the bucket, and continued the dance party whenever somebody obliged.

Sure, you could just send workers around with buckets and garbage claws. And you can hope they don’t complain and look miserable while they clean.

Or you can get creative in your approach and find a better way… a more fun way… a more aligned way.

Two ways to make change: (1) The Tree Method and (2) The Flowers Method.

The tree method is singularly focused. It demands most of your time, energy, and attention. It’s here to grow and here to stay long-term.

The flowers method is diverse in focus. It’s being generous with your time, energy, and attention. It’s planted relatively quickly and lasts maybe a season or two.

The tree method is parenting. The flowers method is teaching.

The tree method is marrying. The flowers method is dating.

The tree method is career building. The flowers method is side-hustling/ flipping.

And so on.

Nether is better than the other. It’ll always be a matter of perspective. But it’s useful to understand which you’re doing so you don’t try to grow a flower into a tree and don’t try to grow trees in your garden.

If you have kids, raise them into the strongest damn trees you can and focus less on the flowers.

If you’re married, invest more into the relationship than the total of what you invest outside of it.

If you’re employed, become a tree the organization can depend on instead of an unsure / hesitant plant.

And on the flip side, if you don’t have kids, give the energy you would normally invest into a family, into all of the flowers in your life.

If you’re not married, spread love to all of those who need it… be like the sun… unconditionally warm and bright.

If you’re not employed, explore! Build, create, experiment, and make sure you’re planting plenty of seeds of opportunity along the way.

…At least until one of the seeds turns out to be a tree instead.

I’m currently half-way through All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr.

It’s a literary fiction about a blind French girl and a German boy whose paths collide in occupied France as both try to survive the devastation of World War II.

The chapters are short—between 2-4(ish) pages each and the author alternates between the two perspectives per chapter. This way, the reader gets to live and experience each life for him/herself.

We get to experience the horror of living during a time of invasion, occupation, and death—from both the side of the occupied and occupiers. And how each gets into the positions they do… what they’re lead to believe… and how morals and values gray during nefarious times.

…And I say “get to” with intention.

Because it’s a privilege to be able to step into the life of another and experience the brutal harshness of their experience from the warmth and comfort of our couch or bed.

And it is through this privileged opportunity that we are able to develop one of our most powerful tools for combating the nefarious forces of any time: empathy.

See sympathy is widespread and mostly useless… it’s feeling bad for others and returning to the good of life.

Empathy, however, is understanding and doing… it’s having lived the bad (actually or fictionally), imagining what you wished others would do, and becoming that person for them.

And when I look on Goodreads and see 1,989,000 ratings… I feel hope. Hope that there are empathetic people out there. People who know what it’s like and what’s worth their fight.

Because fight is what we need more of our empaths to do.