Category: Making A Difference

Early last week, I got a call from a student of mine who’s like a little sister.

She asked if I was going to a martial arts tournament that she was competing in that weekend—and I told her I wasn’t planning on it.

She essentially put on her “puppy dog” voice and asked if I would go anyway.

…And so I did.

I booked a flight the next day, got a rental car, figured out my room and stay situation, and told myself I’d figure out the rest as I went.

…And I’m so glad I did.

Had that student not called me, I never would have gone. And I would’ve missed out on so many experiences, memories, and moments worth cherishing.

Sometimes we don’t call people to ask if they’ll go with us because we don’t want to “inconvenience them.” Or because we’re afraid they’ll say no or reject us in some way. Or because we figure if they wanted to go, they would’ve taken the initiative to make the plans themselves.

But here’s the thing: invitations are gifts.

…It’s how I genuinely feel about the invitation I was given by that student.

And by not extending invitations to people you would genuinely want to join you on a trip or to an experience or to be a part of shared moment… you’re withholding gifts to those very people.

Gifts that could very well give them something worth cherishing.

A student of mine was telling me about a tough situation she was facing.

Her brother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer, had just finished some intense rounds of treatment, got early release from the hospital, and came home to a water-damaged house—which involved all kinds of challenges, not the least of which being her brother-in-law was supposed to be recovering in a clean and sterile environment.

So this student went to the house to help in any way she could and saw her sister break down and start crying—and this was the sister that rarely cried. She was the strong one… she was the rock… she was the one who did the supporting.

…And one of the toughest moments was when she couldn’t even hug her crying sister. She had to socially distance to minimize the spreading of germs—and had to essentially stand there and watch her strong sister breakdown.

…And so what did she do instead?

…She thought about how her sister was very much a “card person”—you know, the type who would send hand-written cards at every excuse of a holiday and celebration to those closest to her.

…And thus came the idea to “card flood” her sister.

She personally messaged 40+ people asking them to write a card to her sister offering their support and kind wishes. And asked if they would send the card by the end of the week. This way, her sister was flooded with a version of support and kind wishes that she could receive… and in a form she deeply resonated with… and could keep close to her heart throughout the entirety of her trying time.

The question is not whether or not we’re leaving pieces of us behind… the question is to whom are we leaving behind those pieces?

…And what pieces of ourselves are they getting left with (to utilize; to loathe; to remember us by; to resent us for)?

If I think too much about who’s on my email list, I have a really hard time settling on a topic.

Should I write for the parents?

Should I lean more towards business casual or drinking buddy language?

Should I bear in mind the people I’ve met through martial arts or music or social media or education or travel?

But then I come back to my mission statement: I help busy people do inner work.

…And I can focus again. Because I’m not writing for any one person on my list. In fact, I’m not even writing for the entirety of the people on my list.

…I’m writing for me. Because I’m busy. And I need to keep finding ways to do inner work.

Because I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: daily writing that’s inner work based is one of the best things I’ve ever done for my mental health, healing, and personal growth.

And if I can help some of the other busy people out there via the work I’m doing for myself… or help them build a practice that’ll guide them forward in the same way my practice has guided me… then that’s a pretty incredible bonus.

It’s very hard to give what you don’t have.

This is obvious from a material standpoint, but maybe less so from an emotional one.

If I want my children to have money, but I don’t have any money to give them, the money I want them to get won’t be coming from me—and I have to figure out another way.

The same is true for joy. If I want the people around me to feel joyous, but I don’t have any joy to give them… the joy I want them to exhibit isn’t going to come from me… and I have to figure out another way.

And maybe “another way” is to ask someone else to give it to them… or teach them how to make/create it themself… or hire someone else to teach them how…

…Or, of course, you could figure out how to get joy / money yourself so that you can give it to them after all.

And instead of trying to use (whether consciously or unconsciously) broke to create money or misery to create joy or hate to create love… you can turn the focus of your attention around and back to the source. Back to the place you can control. Back to you, your life, and your own inner workings so that what you most want for others can (finally) start coming from you.

Another takeaway from the live Imani Perry talk I attended this past Thursday: she said, “Most modern day people have just enough means to entertain themselves away from truth.”

Truth, of course, being the reality of the world.

…And how it’s not cushy couches and meaningless iPhone games.

…But, how it’s war and crime and hate.

It’s not only that, of course—there is so much of the opposite in the world. But, it’s undeniably present in our shared reality.

And the point she was getting to shortly after she shared the above quote is that, if we’re not acting in a way that stands up to the war and crime and hate… then we’re a part of the problem. And if we “entertain ourselves” into ignorance… then we’re a part of the problem. If we stand up, speak out, and act in ways that lead to peace and justice and love… then we’re a part of the solution.

…And what we need now more than ever are people who are a part of the solution.