Category: Identity

Sometimes in life you’re asked to do something that conflicts with an internal story you’ve come to believe.

…Like to publicly speak when you’ve told yourself you’re “not a public speaker.”

And while you might even have a poignant reason from which a story like that originated, what you have to remember is that you’re the author and the story is still being written.

This becomes particularly useful when you realize you’re at a fork in your life’s road. And you can author a story that simply reinforces what you’ve always done which ensures you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten. Or you can author a story that helps you lean in that other direction… towards different… towards better.

Which doesn’t have to be any harder than:

• I’m not a public speaker, but if I prepare and practice, I know I’ll be able to rise to this occasion.
• I’m not a public speaker, but I can certainly speak about this topic, and it’s important for me to do so, so I’m going to try my best.
• I’m not a public speaker, and that’s okay… I’ll simply lean into this nervous energy and let emotion fill my words with a color that’ll make a more memorable impression.
• I’m not a public speaker—especially not when compared to the greats or the company I keep… but speaking publicly isn’t a competition… it’s an opportunity to share a gift… and I should be honored to have the opportunity to share my gift with the people I’m being asked to share it with.
• Or… quite simply: I’m not a public speaker… yet.

I have heard it said that camera roll communicates priority. Because moments you consider important or remarkable within the context of your life—you capture.

If your camera roll is filled with family cheesing, friends posing, and animals wildin’ out… it’d be pretty easy to see how they would be considered important.

If your camera roll is filled with watercolor skies, natural scenery, and breath-taking landscapes… you might say the outdoors are important to you.

If you camera roll is filled with crowd-filled venues, ecstatic dancing, and roller coaster beat drops… you can see how music, dance, and experience would be seen as important.

…But what if your camera roll is filled with something else? Something that, if you were to list out your top priorities right now, wasn’t on your list? Something that you would actually not want people to reference and use as insight into what’s important to you in life?

What if all that was filled in your camera roll was pictures and videos… of you? What do you think that communicates? How would that make you feel? There’s no right or wrong answer… just an idea worth contemplating.

If your sitting meditation doesn’t lead to more radical self-expression, something is missing.

First let’s talk about radical self-expression. Radical as in far-reaching and very different from the usual or traditional way. The usual or traditional way as in brainwashed or indoctrinated by modern culture to be self-conscious, overly critical/judgmental, conformed to a generally accepted norm, reserved so as to fit in and not stand out, and unsure enough to simply surrender to the groupthink of the people around. And brainwashed or indoctrinated as in via media (in all its forms), advertising, and industrialist (where training people to be cogs in a machine is the goal) systems.

Now, let’s talk about meditation. It doesn’t even have to be sitting. But what happens when you “sit” with your thoughts… is you slowly start to become aware of them. Which sounds obvious, but isn’t very widely practiced—and the difference is vast. The default is to be lost in thought. To be so consumed with information processing that it’s as though you’re being chased by a bear in the middle of unknown woods. Meditation allows you to stop running, to turn and look at the bear, realize it was just your own shadow, pull out your compass (that’s always in your pocket ready to accessed at any time), and figure out which direction is actually forward.

And if “actually” forward isn’t in the direction of more liberated, confident, care-free self-expression… then once again, something is missing.

I was never the most popular in school.

But I was also never the least.

I was athletic enough to get along with most of the sports types. I was smart enough to get along with most of the intellectual types. I was rebellious enough to get along with most of the party types. I was well-tempered enough to get along with most of the angry and angsty types. And I was empathetic enough to get along with most of the outcasted and alone types.

I’m not sure if this was because I had a relatively high emotional/social intelligence or because I knew how to change the colors of my personality as quickly as a chameleon running from a kestrel during peak autumn foliage.

But the thing about getting along with everyone, is that you don’t get to go deep in getting along with a few someones.

And while I’ve had some incredibly deep relationships throughout my life, I sometimes find myself changing colors faster than I can converse deeply with those of the last color I just changed from. And just as I’m settling into that new color—I look down and see my pigment changing yet again.

If the chameleon analogy holds true, then I don’t think being only one color is the answer—what a waste of a superpower, am I right?

…But maybe running around like nature’s LED isn’t the answer either.

If I suddenly forgot everything about my life and was told to piece back together who I was… a good place to look for clues might be the things in my house, what shows up on my social media feeds, and my camera roll.

What you’d find in my house are vegan food items, books galore, exercise equipment, DJ decks, unique wall decor, and more…

What you’d find in my social media feeds are martial arts clips, DJ sets, creator strategies, basketball drills, inspirational speeches, and more…

What you’d find in my camera roll are pictures of my family/friends/students, travel shots, music show videos and dancing clips, recorded stories and ideas I wanted to share, and maybe a few selfies or moments of me in noteworthy moments or while I was in my element.

The thing about camera rolls, social media feeds, and collected items is it communicates priority or attention.

And what we pay attention to tells us volumes about who we are.

Take a closer look at what the above communicates about you in your life. Do you like the picture it paints? Or are you paying attention to things that are in conflict with who you are or who you want to be?

And finally, pay attention to the things you pay attention to in your life. There’s still so much you have yet to discover about yourself and what captures your attention is a clue that there’s something deeper worth exploring.

If I comment on something 100% of you knows isn’t true… it won’t affect you.

“Your green skin is ugly.”

“Your shoulders are stupid.”

“Your grass is lame.”

If I comment on something you haven’t fully worked through… it may trigger you.

“You’re ugly.”

“You’re stupid.”

“You’re lame.”

Inner work allows you to explore thoughts like these and build a foundation of truth around what’s actually true.

“Am I ugly? Or are those person’s comments ugly?”

“Am I stupid? Or is there a depth to me that this person will simply never get to meet?”

“Am I lame? Or am I in alignment with my circadian rhythm, aware of my needs/desires, and have boundaries that I’m not afraid to enforce?”

Remember that getting triggered is an invitation.

It’s possible that some part of you still believes in what was said.

Or maybe it’s something else?

Black Belt Candidate #1:
– Showed up early to every practice, pre-test, and test
– Trained, rehearsed, and started drilling curriculum requirements early
– Got his/her curriculum approved to the highest standard
– Wrote an earnest black belt essay that reflected careful, deep thought
– Completed a service project that made a lasting and meaningful impact on both them and others
– Received a glowing letter of recommendation from an individual who could attest to character demonstrated over the course of years
– Courageously shaved their head/participated in a physical demonstration of humility
– Fasted before their test for the challenge and ritualistic cleanse of the body
– Gave their 100% best effort at each step of the testing process

Black Belt Candidate #2:
– Showed up late to every practice, pre-test, and test
– Waited until the last minute to train, rehearse, and start drilling curriculum requirements
– Got his/her curriculum approved according to the bare minimum standard
– Used AI to write their essay and added minimal thought and/or editing
– Did a last minute service project that they made sound better than it was
– Received a short, generic letter of recommendation
– Decided against participating in a physical demonstration of humility because of fear
– Didn’t want to feel hungry so didn’t fast for their test
– Did just enough to get by at each step of the testing process

…You may not be a martial artist. Heck, you might never even step into a martial arts school. But the contrast in decisions outlined above and what results apply universally. Candidate #1 and candidate #2 are going to feel completely different about their belt, the testing process, and themself… my question for you is: which candidate are you in your domain of life?