Category: The Power Of Reflection

After a couple days of being too busy to write, I always try to give myself space to… digest.

A lot happens throughout a typical day and when I’m at my busiest? …A lot can be an understatement.

Time to write, for me, is digesting time. It’s when I stop consuming information in any of its forms and just sit with what’s already been consumed. Because just as it is with eating food, too much consumption and not enough digestion leads to problems.

…Problems that you may knowingly or unknowingly have because of a lack of built in digestion time.

…And what does digestion time look like for me, you ask?

Sitting on my couch.

And switching my mentality from within my thoughts to watcher of my thoughts.

…And I just try to notice things. Experiences that stand out. Highlights that keep replaying. Pain points that keep throbbing. Open loops that keep looping. Curious happenings that warrant following.

And after about 30 minutes to an hour of that… I write about it. And I almost always feel a whole lot better.

…Maybe give it a try?

Within each of us is a place of peace.

It isn’t always obvious where this place is… but with the right guidance, proper instruction, and after enough inner work… it can be found.

It’s the space where presence is. Where your nervous system relaxes. Where desire becomes irrelevant and melts away.

And it’s calm… it’s free of want and need… and puts us at ease.

In one sense, inner work is the task of solving inner problems. It’s the time, energy, and effort we invest into closing open, bothersome loops… in revising and updating the stories we tell ourselves about our past and present so they might better serve us into our future… in editing our perspective so we aren’t brainwashed into believing in endless lack.

And with each inner work task done… with each reflection, meditation, and contemplation completed… with every perspective updated and inner-story re-worked…

…We get closer and closer to that place.

Where we’re no longer running a rat-race… but able to sit anywhere, calmly, and just be.

What do you do… in those moments you know you’ll always remember?

…In those crossroads moments?

…In those moments that represent a major shift or you know will make it onto your life’s highlight reel?

…At graduations? …At milestone birthdays? …At performance events? …At first dates? …At once-in-a-lifetime travel views?

…How do you step into that type of moment?

…How should you act?

…Should you record so you can reflect on it?

…Or should you step into that space in full presence and awareness?

…Maybe some combination of the two?

Can you step into a space with full awareness and presence if you’re thinking in the background about which moment(s) to capture? Maybe the moment happens when you think it will. Maybe another moment comes up that you think might be better? Maybe you decide to just capture them all and figure it out later?

…But then are you ever really there?

…What do you do?

Maybe outsource it to another? But then does it place a burden onto them that steals them away from presence and awareness? Or maybe it’d be a distinct joy to be able to rewatch this key moment a thousand times over on a screen? Maybe even more so than one fully absorbed and present time?

…And finally: are there ever really moments that are worth a careful contemplation like this over others? Or are all moments worth thinking carefully about like this?

Because I’ve been writing every day for a long time and I’ll tell you what…

There’s an unbelievable depth in each day.

Life lived through the head leads to a more gray, tamed, calculated existence.

Life lived through the heart leads to a more saturated, wild, spontaneous existence.

By default, many of us live predominantly through one or the other.

The magic of inner work is that rather than living primarily through just one of those places… we can re-route that energy and filter it through the other center before acting on it in reality.

This gives our judgment the balance it needs to guide us forward in a more holistic and complete way.

If we let our head guide us through relationships, for example, the above words is the kind of relationship we’ll get: gray, tame, calculated.

If we let our heart guide us through work… we might spontaneously quit our job, commit to something wild, and live a life saturated with polarizing emotions—on the street.

But when we filter our head through the heart in relationships, we get something that’s not only sensical… but passionate.

And when we filter our heart through our head… we get something that’s not only exciting… but practical.

Without space and time for inner work, energy and insight shoot directly from our head or heart and is used to make raw decisions that often end up feeling incomplete, lopsided, or even regretful.

Slowing down and redirecting that energy through the filters of the other center gives us the balanced perspective we need to make complete decisions that often end up feeling more whole and rewarding as life unfolds.

One of the best things I ever did for my career? Daily writing.
One of the best things I ever did for my relationships? Daily writing.
One of the best things I ever did for my mental health? Daily writing.

Here’s why: writing is thinking upgraded.

We download the raw content of our mind in our initial drafts…

Each edit not only improves our piece, but updates the original thought process.

And so if we ever download that content again… it’ll be the updated, upgraded version.

…And the more we repeat the process the more upgraded our thinking becomes.

So when I’m asked to give a presentation at work, my most recently upgraded thoughts get pulled… when I’m asked a question by a family member, friend, lover, etc., my answer is a reflection of what my most recently upgraded thoughts are… when I’m alone and thinking existentially or self-critically, the thoughts I pull are the most upgraded ones.

And if you haven’t written or done any inner work in 10 years… your most recently upgraded thoughts are going to be from 10 years ago. The same is true for a year ago, a month ago, a week ago, or a day ago.

…And not only that, but think about the frequency, too. One upgrade per year? Per month? Per week? Daily?

A bug fix is a bug fix is a bug fix—they all matter. Big upgrades and small ones.

But maybe think about how you might increase the frequency of them in your life.

I promise you it’ll be worth it.

An excellent daily writing prompt: what moment(s) from my day didn’t get enough time or space? What still needs to be felt, absorbed, or learned from that/those moment(s)? Think:

• Missed moments of gratitude. You can’t rush and feel grateful in the same moment. Rushing implies future focus—there’s someplace you gotta be, something you gotta do, someone you gotta see, etc.—and gratitude can only ever be felt in the present. Sometimes people express gratitude to you, or something incredible happens, or a special moment occurs, but you’re in too much of a hurry to really feel it. Replay that moment and let gratitude expand in proportion to the presence you offer.

• Missed moments of connection. Maybe you’re rushing and somebody unexpectedly shares something deep, important, or meaningful. And because of your pace, you’re unable to meet them at the same depth. Replay the moment and maybe write an appropriate response or reach back out to continue the conversation. Or maybe it’s a closed loop and was more of a statement than a conversation… Try carefully envisioning the experience and allow your unhurried feelings to emerge in full.

• Missed moments of learning. The expression experience is the mother of all teachers is wrong. It’s reflected upon experience that’s the mother of all teachers. We all know somebody who does the same stupid thing over and over and over again… and yet, never learns. Why? It’s not because of a lack of experience… it’s because of a lack of reflection, understanding, and internalization. And when we don’t make space for “reflected upon” in our lives… how are we ever going to learn?

…Try this tonight as you unwind from your day.