Category: Direction Matters

Goals Minus Time Commitment

If your weeks and months don’t contain pockets of time dedicated to your year and decade goals… you’re not serious about reaching them.

Think about what you want your health and fitness to be like in a year or a decade… and ask yourself, do the pockets of time inside your weeks and months match that kind of outcome?

Do the same for what you want your relationships, side hustles or finances, intellect or skill sets to be like in a year or a decade… and then take some time to reorganize this week’s or this month’s time.

…Nothing contains regret more than goals minus any kind of regular time commitment.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

What’s New?

When you see people you haven’t seen in a long time, a commonly asked question is, “What’s new?”

And if you can’t think of a single thing to say…

It might be a sign that you’re too set in your ways.

Because while routine is excellent for getting tasks done consistently and efficiently…

If the byproduct of your routine extended out over a “long time” is nothing new…

You might not be aligned with a routine that’s leading to growth.

…What you might actually be aligned with is a rut that’s keeping you distracted and comfy.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Meaning via Excited-Mixed-With-Nervous

Somebody was sharing today how they were feeling about becoming a parent via adoption.

The synopsis was excited at the prospect, but nervous at the thought of messing it up.

And what occurred to me was how great of a guide that excited/nervous mix is for uncovering meaning in life.

Excited alone isn’t as accurate because it could come from something inconsequential or that’s well within your comfort zone like playing a video game, shopping a sale, or going to bed early.

Nervous alone isn’t as accurate either because it could come from self-sabotaging thoughts or something too far outside of your comfort zone that makes you not do anything at all.

But, the things that you’re excited-mixed-with-nervous about? Those are the things that indicate you’re heading outside of your comfort zone (nervous) in a way that deep down you know you can handle (excited).

When I think about the things that have provided the most meaning for me in my life, this excited/nervous mix was almost always present.

…I think about times when I spoke publicly, taught classes, published vulnerable pieces of work, asked and went out on dates, performed in martial arts competitions, rose into new leadership positions, navigated important/tough conversation landscapes, stood up for what I believed in, started a new business venture and so on.

…Think about the most meaningful moments in your life and I bet you’ll see a similar pattern.

And if you do, remember this moving forward. Excited-only could mean well within your comfort zone. Nervous-only could mean too far outside of it. But, that excited/nervous mix could indicate that you’re on a path that’s just right and you should lean in.

Bald for Black Belt

Traditionally, in the martial arts organization I work in, students were required to shave their heads for their black belt or higher degree test.

The reason was that it demonstrated humility (that you are more than your hair) and created a military-like camaraderie between candidates.

Over the years, however, due to some candidates’ religious beliefs and otherwise strong-standing beliefs about their hair—we’ve made it optional. And have since been exploring alternative means we can offer that can build a candidate’s humility all the same. Things like no make-up or jewelry for a month, no brand name clothes for a month, no social media for a month, etc.

Not only is it good to offer alternative options for those who can’t or won’t shave their heads… but it brings into conversation those who style their hair shaved all of the time anyway… the ones who get no humility benefit from the practice at all. Furthermore, girls were never made to follow this requirement and it allows them to have alternative options for humility practice, too.

…If the purpose is humility and camaraderie… then it’s something everybody should have to (get to) do with equal sacrifice. It shouldn’t be something that a few of the boys with longer hair have to do that the girls and other boys with short hair don’t have to do at all.

…Where’s the humility and camaraderie in that?

Once you understand the purpose behind the tradition… you can reverse engineer your way to more innovative means for accomplishing the same (or better) ends. It’s as the saying goes in our martial arts space: respect tradition; embrace innovation.

What Feels Alive For Me Now?

…This is a question that guides my friend Nat’s life.

Whenever he’s presented with an opportunity or comes to a fork in the road or simply notices a rise in unpleasant emotion—he sits with this question.

Because what felt alive yesterday, isn’t necessarily what’s going to feel alive today.

And what felt alive for a decade, isn’t necessarily what’s going to feel alive for the coming one.

And this is an important realization to have.

For something to feel alive, it has to feel the way it feels to look into the eyes of a baby—your baby.

Because following the natural flow of what feels alive isn’t about being flaky; it’s not just about doing things when you feel like it. It’s about honoring the evolving nature of your baby and helping your baby realize it’s full, complete potential.

…Because your baby isn’t just one task, one person, one job, one career, one dream, etc… your baby is the living embodiment of all of those things wrapped into one.

Just as your child will have ever evolving aptitudes, interests, curiosities, skills, and talents… so, too, will your life be an ever evolving portfolio of aptitudes explored, interests investigated, curiosities followed, skills built, and talents developed.

But, if you ignore the call to what feels alive… if you suppress the feelings that are telling you that something feels dead… if you keep pushing forward while refusing to check your internal compass…

Don’t be surprised when you end up somewhere that’s filled with regret.

P.s. My 30 day guide can help ensure you don’t live a life that ends with regret. Details here.

Comparison Beware

We compare ourselves with others so we can figure out where we are and where we want to be.

We see somebody:

Fit and decide we want to be strong like them.
Popular and decide we want to act like them.
Witty and decide we want to talk like them.

While this isn’t inherently bad (having role models is great), there’s more to comparison than is often discussed. Here are three reminders:

1) Context impossible. As much as you might think you know about a person (that might make them a “suitable” person to be compared to) there’s still an ocean of context that even they don’t fully understand—which makes their journey and yours forever un-duplicatable.

2) It creates a discontent gap. The further ahead the person you compare yourself to, the longer you’ll have to travel to get to where you decided you want to be—which ultimately results in discontent for the duration of that journey… as opposed to following a content curiosity that stems from deep within your own being.

3) It disregards the direction that comes from your inner compass. The more you try to look, act, and talk like others—the less you’ll end up looking, acting, and talking like yourself. To spend time with yourself—reflecting, journaling, learning, questioning, experimenting—is to invest life energy into yourself that eventually translates into “identity confidence.” This is how you further embrace the unique person that you are in a way that comparison only drains.

P.s. I created a 30 Day Guide that will help you tune into your inner compass and build unshakable confidence in your life’s direction. More here.

Fulfillment via Work

I don’t think not doing work is an option.

We can only go so long satisfying short-term pleasures before we regress physiologically to the point of misery and wonder somewhat incessantly what the point of it all is.

See what work does is offer us a path towards growth and contribution. Two fundamental components of feeling fulfillment in life.

Growth because it equals life. The opposite means we’re heading for decay and death.

Contribution because we are social creatures. And doing good for others is good for us.

Now, if the work you’re doing isn’t satisfying at least one of those components, then maybe it’s time to start investing in work that does.

Which isn’t to say you should quit your work altogether and “follow your passions” per se.

It’s simply to say start investing time and energy into 1) figuring out what type of work would fulfill you and cover the costs of living and 2) building skills that make you more valuable / hirable in that space.

If you keep doing unfulfilling work and you’re making no additional investments in yourself or your future work… and your goal is to just get to a point where you don’t have to work anymore—I think you’re on a path of misery. For now and for later.

But, if you’re constantly looking for ways you can better utilize your talents, build more skills, and help more people—beyond just what you’re getting paid to do (bonus points if it’s all aligned)… I think you’re on a path of fulfillment.

P.s. Why “follow your passion” is bad advice.