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Category: Transforming Pain

Learning How To Feel Again

Published on October 23, 2026

For those who have lived through intense physical and emotional experiences (i.e. abandonment, abuse, betrayal, trauma, manipulation, etc.)—defensive layers against the world almost become a requirement.

Otherwise, the repeated pain becomes too much to bear. And so layers of armor go on, walls are built, and ways into the tender softness of a person get closed off and locked up.

It’s no wonder, then, that once the intensity subsides… and a person grows or escapes into a more tame, calm, predictable environment… that they can feel numb to many of the more tender, soft, physical and emotional experiences of that environment—you’ve go armor on, walls built, and locked gates!

…Of course you won’t feel the warmth of the sun as it touches your armor… or the raindrops as they fall gently from the sky onto your helmet… or the cool, calming earth beneath the steel on your feet… at least not yet.

Like a flower, you need to give yourself time and space in this new environment. Your nervous system is used to desert-like conditions…  intense storms… dramatic changes in climate. You’ve built walls and layered up in armor to protect yourself against the harsh conditions you’re used to getting bombarded by.

Gentle feeling comes back only after you’ve taken some of that armor off. After you’ve opened up. Once you’ve relaxed into the moments of normal, modest weather and have allowed yourself to feel as you did when you were a kid—before the desert and the storms and the pain.

It’s not that you don’t feel… it’s that you’re learning how to feel again.

Wherever You Go, There You Are (Kind Of)

Published on October 19, 2026

…But not everywhere you go brings out the same you.

Go elsewhere with the intent of distraction, and so shall you find the distracted you.

Go elsewhere with the intent of reflection, and so shall you find the reflective you.

The same is true with not going anywhere at all.

Sit down at your desk today with the intent of distraction or reflection and so, too, shall you find.

Unless, of course, where you are overpowers your intentions.

It’s quite possible that your desk is in a place where disruptions are frequent, noises are jarring, and distractions are too real. And regardless of your intent, the environment elicits the distracted you.

And if that’s the case, then worth considering is going… elsewhere. Somewhere where your intentions can be held. Where the environment doesn’t sabotage your efforts.

And so it’s not necessarily wherever you go, there you are. It’s more along the lines of depending on where you go… there you’ll find—the version of you the environment elicits or aligns with.

Annual (Inner Work) Inspection

Published on October 10, 2026

I took my car into the shop today.

It’s due for it’s annual inspection and I have to get my winter tires on… not to mention it’s squeaking when I drive which is more embarrassing than I want to admit.

I’m fully expecting the mechanic to find plenty wrong as he does the inspection—it’s been a year of use with no check-ups, after all. Things will likely need to be tightened, replaced, refilled, changed, loosened, etc.—it’s the way of the world. Things will always move towards entropy. My 10+ year old car most certainly included.

…You know what else always moves towards entropy?

You.

Especially in this day and age.

And my thought today for you is simple: when’s the last time you did an annual inner self inspection? When’s the last time you did a full audit of your mental/emotional state and took inventory of at least some of the things that need to be “tightened, replaced, refilled, changed, loosened, etc.”? …Because if it’s been more than a year (hopefully not as long as you’ve been alive), it might be time.

Get an updated inspection sticker on the windshielf of your mind.

This next year of your life would be better as a result.

What Is Your Mind Circling The Most Right Now?

Published on September 26, 2026

The more your mind circles a thought… the more it’s asking you to do something about it.

I found myself thinking this week that I should send a specific text to a specific person.

The thought kept popping up randomly throughout my day… and again the next day… and the day after that…

Until I finally thumbed it out, turned invisible and abstract to black and white and then to blue bubble.

…And found myself exhaling this sigh of relief from somewhere deep.

I haven’t thought much about it since.

On the surface it seemed so trivial. A text. One that maybe took me all of 3 minutes to draft and send.

But again, what your mind continues to circle is a signal that there’s more to it than what’s perceived on the surface.

After some inner work, what I suspect that text was really about was being vulnerable and choosing to take a risk. About doing something that my greater version wouldn’t hesitate to do. About doing something that was aligned with the who I wanted to be—today.

And so I pass the question off to you: what does your mind seem to keep gravitating back to? What does it keep circling? Once you have that figured out… take a closer look… there’s probably more to it than what appears on the surface.

“You Will Get Better”

Published on September 2, 2026

In reply to an email, I caught myself typing, “You will get better.”

And then realized that was a statement I couldn’t promise.

So I deleted it and typed out, “If you keep showing up for yourself, you will keep getting better.”

Because saying to someone, “You will get better” relieves them of responsibility. It means they can do whatever they want and the outcome they desire will happen regardless. And if it doesn’t—it can be made your fault because you were the one who said it would.

No.

Better to always remind people that you can’t change their life trajectory any more than you can change who they are as a person.

…But if they’re willing to take responsibility for change in their own life… then it’s hard to see how “better” wouldn’t be a byproduct.

P.s. Ready to take control of your life’s direction? My 30-Day Guide will help you build unshakable confidence in your life’s direction without costing you thousands on life coaching.

What Do You Say To Someone Who Says To You They’re Dying?

Published on August 25, 2026

“The cancer is winning.” I was told today.

“One year. Maybe six months left to live.”

“I was doing great yesterday, but today, I’m not doing good at all.”

We sat together for a while. Both processing. Me blurting out a swear word every few minutes. Him slowly cluing me in to where his head was at.

“…I must stay positive.”

“…I have to keep trying to take class.”

“…I might be losing, but I am going to write this final chapter.”

And it was in those three lines that I think the words he needed to hear found him. All I did was emphasize, reinforce, and offer my full support.

Here’s why I think those three lines were so on point:

We must stay positive. Not delusionally positive while the world burns down around us. But strategically optimistic. So that we can see opportunity, believe that the world can be made into a better place, and trust in ourselves to act.

We must keep learning. Because if we’re not learning, we’re regressing. There is no stagnant. And what we find on the other side of our curiosities is legacy. Because curiosities lead to topic, topic leads to creation, creation leads to tribe, and tribe… well, tribe is who carries forth our legacy after we’re gone.

We must control what’s within our control. There was nothing left to do. Cancer was winning. But choosing how to spend his remaining time? Who to spend that time with? What words he wanted to author on the final pages of his life’s book? …All well within his control. And exactly where the mind should be focused when all else feels so uncontrollable.

A Primal Awakening [Poem]

Published on August 13, 2026

You’ll be back you say
As an unmissable plan
A stage. A promise. A DJ.
Rips you away.

Six hours we danced
A primal awakening
Lost. Forgotten. Found.
You—the light; my now.

I learned everything about you
Yet learned nothing at all
Stomping. Screaming. Your sound.
An ancestral introduction.

The ecstatic in you
Brought out the ecstatic in me
Mud. Goosebumps. Aroused.
…To stop that? Leave?

But plan triumphed over presence
And this, too, must end
Release. Detach. Allow.
It never gets easier.

And me? Never better.
…Back to phase: mend.

P.s. You can read all of my poems here.