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Category: Happiness and Joy

Remembering What You (Really) Want

A person with a lot of money, a person with a medium amount of money, and a person with a little money all laugh hysterically at a joke that’s told… is one person’s laughter more real than the others?

…I’d argue no. Laughter is laughter is laughter.

An extremely attractive person, a medium attractive person, and a not-so-attractive person all dance joyfully and uncaringly on a dance floor… is one person’s joy more real than the others?

…I’d argue no. Joy is joy is joy.

A person with a million followers, a person with 10K followers, and a person with 1 follower all feel butterflies when they see the one they love… is one person’s love more real than the others?

…I’d argue no. Love is love is love.

Once you realize what you’re really after are emotional experiences, and not so much material purchases or vanity metrics… suddenly the game you’ve been playing changes.

All of a sudden, you can change your strategy from adding zeros to your bank account to surrounding yourself with people who make you laugh hysterically; from making yourself look more attractive to making yourself look for more dancing opportunities; from getting more followers to like you to spending more time fully immersed with the one(s) you love.

Don’t get it twisted.

What you’ve been looking for has been available to you this whole time.

…We’ve simply been led to believe otherwise because it’s good for somebody else’s business.

Dude Smiling [Poem]

I saw a stranger walking today
Happy as could be
No company
No AirPods
No screens
Just walking rocking that kind of smile
That makes you turn to philosophy

I stopped at a red light
And thought about what it could possibly be
I know I’m not supposed to
But you know what always helps me?
Writing thinking down
Seeing sparked synapsis—bodily electricity
Decoded into text—something black and white
Or 1’s and 0’s if typed into a machine

Could it be excitement?
Could it be love?
Could it be a happenstance memory?
…Now I’m wondering what that smile meant to me.
When’s the last time I rocked a smile like that?
When’s the last time I overflowed
With excitement, love, or a piece of happy history?

Dude’s got me firing, decoding, creating…
And he didn’t even see me
Don’t ever tell me
You don’t matter
You’re unworthy
That you don’t make a difference to us—to me
When a smile from a stranger
Seen for .5 seconds approximately
Can spark electricity into a poem

One that became a gift for you—from me

P.s. You can read my other poems here.

Questions To Snap You Back To Happiness

The following was inspired by Claudia Dawson and a Duke University study on Happiness via Recommendo.

First, here’s the Duke University study findings:

(Click here if you can’t see the above infographic).

Next, here’s what Claudia Dawson so brilliantly recommended based on these findings…

“I’ve found the quickest way to dispel unhappiness is to ask myself introspective questions to find the source. Based on these 8 factors of happiness, I would ask myself: 

  • Am I feeling suspicion and resentment? 
  • Am I living in the past (or in the future)? 
  • Am I wasting time and energy fighting conditions I can’t change? 
  • Am I isolating myself or withdrawing from the world? 
  • Am I indulging in self-pity?
  • Am I expecting too much of myself? 

…I then continue the line of questioning to gain more self-awareness or I pivot to an easy gratitude practice, like listing 10 things that make me happy on my fingers. This usually gets me out of my head and back to the present moment, as well as in alignment with the values and experiences that make me happy.”

Finally, here’s my take:

The thing about thinking is that so much of it is done unconsciously (like 99%?). As in, we have no idea that we’re bathing in self-pity, replaying the past, cancelling plans so we can “introvert,” comparing ourselves to the greats, nurturing suspicion, etc…

Don’t take the above insights or questions lightly—this is life-changing stuff. Print / write it all down and display it in a place where you’ll see it regularly.

This way, it’ll snap you out of undesirable (unconscious) thought patterns and back to the place where happiness is much more likely to be found.

The Happiness In Between

In a recent newsletter, Mark Manson offered a wonderful analogy for happiness. He said it was like, “Pleasant background music to everything else you do in life.” …He explained how it isn’t the highs; it isn’t the highlights; it isn’t the getting high—it’s the general feeling that arises in the background of it all.

And the more we mistake happiness for the highs in our lives, the more unhappy we’ll be. Because, by definition, the highs can only be few and far between.

The real test of happiness is when there is precisely nothing exciting happening. When there are no extraordinary moments unfolding, no phones out dealing dopamine, and no drugs or alcohol around. When it’s just you inside one of those vast majority moments that exist in-between the highs.

…What does the music sound like? Is it pleasant or is it annoying? Is it something you can even hear?

Here’s my recommendation: as you would create a playlist of songs on your phone to elicit/ facilitate certain moods, so too should you create a playlist of activities in your life that do the same.

Things that aren’t extraordinary in nature, aren’t added to highlight reels, and don’t involve state-altering substances—normal moment things that can help you come into tune with the background music of your life.

Things like screen-free walks, hikes, meditation, art, dance, exercise, journaling, conversation, etc.

Things that are… pleasant.

P.s. Today, I’m thankful for a quiet neighborhood. A place where I can easily tune and re-tune the background song(s) of my life.

Happiness via Subtraction

When we remove:

  • Fear of judgment
  • Superfluous desires
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Depressive mental environments
  • Obsessive needs to be happier *than*

What’s left is what was always there—the happiness we once knew that was slowly buried by modern and corrupt influences.

The way to add happiness to our lives isn’t via more… it’s via less.

P.s. I started uploading quotes from Will by Will Smith to MoveMe Quotes. If you’d like to read along, you can get the book here. And you can read the insights I upload for free here.

Undoing Our Way To Happiness

Happiness is less about doing and more about undoing.

  • You can play your favorite playlist… but, “undoing” self-consciousness will help more.
  • You can immerse yourself in nature… but, “undoing” co-dependency issues will help more.
  • You can have a spa day… but, “undoing” self-sabotaging thoughts will help more.

How to undo? By doing inner work.

The happiness is there. You just have to “uninvite” the unwelcomed company that’s causing chaos in your mind.

Instant vs. Delayed Gratification

Instant gratification is choosing pleasure now.

Delayed gratification is resisting pleasure now for (or in hope of) a more rewarding pleasure later.

The kind of pleasure we feel with instant gratification is not the same kind of pleasure that we feel with delayed gratification.

One is a superficial, fleeting feeling of pleasure—the other is a deep, lingering feeling of pleasure. Some examples:

  • Eating ice cream now will give you pleasure while you’re eating. Resisting the ice cream now gives you the pleasure of feeling healthy for much longer thereafter.
  • Sitting on the couch now will give you pleasure while you’re sitting. Resisting the couch to partake in a workout gives you the pleasure of feeling strong for much longer thereafter.
  • Buying the luxury item now gives you the pleasure while it’s admired. Resisting the luxury item purchase to invest your money gives you the longer-term pleasure of financial security.

That said, it would follow that we should delay gratification as much as possible in our lives.

And I would agree.

The more we delay gratification, the more of that deep, lingering feeling of pleasure—what I consider joy—we’ll have. However, the conversation doesn’t stop there.

I also don’t think we should always delay gratification.

If happiness is a recipe, and instant gratification are the sweet ingredients and delayed gratification are the bitter ones, we need to masterfully combine the two for healthy AND delicious meals.

Too much sweet and we’ll be eating pixie sticks all day (and feel awful).

Too much bitter and we’ll be eating spinach all day (and become bored).

We need to learn how to masterfully combine both for healthy, great-tasting meals.