Category: Meaningful Connection

I got a new phone today.

While syncing the old to the new, I saw there were 117,000+ text messages that were queued for transfer.

And how interesting to think that every relationship I have in my life is directly correlated to what I chose to send in my portion of the 117,000+ messages.

…There’s an infinite number of ways I could have chosen to initiate and respond—and yet, I chose how I did.

…For better? For worse?

…Yes to both, I’d say.

My thought for today is focused on the next 117,000+.

How can I be more mindful? More timely? More authentic? More empathetic? More clear?

Sure, their bubble is their responsibility. But also and just as important: my bubble is mine.

This past weekend, I had an incredible time with friends.

…Friends who I met through another friend.

And how did I meet that friend?

…By asking her if she was okay at a music show.

She looked a little off and I offered her a hand, some water, and some support.

And once she was feeling better, we spent the rest of the night dancing.

The need for connection has never felt more prominent than it does today.

…Behind screens? People are connection machines.

…But in real life? …There’s a sad disconnect.

There’s hesitation. There’s shyness. There’s self-consciousness. And the disconnected gap only seems to be growing.

The strategy? …Start with the basics.

Become excellent at complimenting strangers. Look for ways you can be helpful—and act. And of course, smile… say, “Hi” first… and learn how to lean into and follow your curiosity with open-ended questions.

Getting even just 1% better in this department could lead to the one conversation that influences every other future connection in your life.

When we’re hurt, we strengthen our walls to the world—so that we might not get hurt again.

When we’re loved, we lower our guard to the world—so that we might be loved again.

The thing about being loved, however, is that it requires a lowering of our guard. And the ones who need it the most are the ones who have been hurt the most and have fortified walls against not just those who have hurt them in the past, but most everybody.

And so it begs the question: how do we keep our walls strong against those who might hurt us while simultaneously keeping our guard low enough to welcome the chance of love into our lives?

While I don’t think there’s one universal answer… I think a few additional inner work questions may give you then answer(s) you need for yourself…

• The entrance to the fortress is through a guarded gate… what does your guarded gate look like? i.e. How do you vet people before welcoming them into your fortress? What might this look like ideally?
• And for returning folks, do you believe how they’ve acted inside your fortress in the past or the promises they make about how they’re going to act this time?
• Are you walled up on a high hill in some obscure, untraveled to part of the world where nobody visits? Or are you engaging with the world and exposing your fortress to a variety of different people in a variety of different situations?
• Where are the people you’d most likely love to welcome into your fortress hanging out? How can you overlap your path with theirs?

Judge not a person’s character by how they act around people they like, want, or need.

Judge a person’s character by how they act around people they dislike, don’t want, and have no need for.

The latter will tell you everything you need to know.

On three separate occasions yesterday, I was asked business related questions without any kind of greeting.

First, an email from an associate. Second, a text from a staff member. And finally, in reality from an instructor who works at the martial arts school I manage who hit me with three questions as I walked in the door to the school before saying so much as “Hi.”

…And what startled me was that I interrupted this instructor mid-question and said, “Hey [instructors name]! I hope you had a nice labor day weekend. How’s everything?” …And still didn’t even get so much as a “Hi.” They were completely lost in the midst of their business.

Or… maybe better spelled… their busyness.

This isn’t a shot at anyone mentioned above. Heck, there have been plenty of times when I’ve been guilty of the same. It’s merely an observation.

I know there are things that need to get done. But is the extra minute you gain by skipping the greeting worth the feeling you give them of not feeling seen?

Yesterday, I spent the day at a friend’s cabin.

The cabin was situated in a beautifully wooded area, had a fire pit, a swimming pond, a grill, and was filled to the brim with food and drinks.

What I found interesting was the following:

…When we all finally gathered, we walked to the swimming pond—and sat at a table and mostly talked by the water.

…After that, we walked back to the cabin and had a fire-grilled dinner—and mostly chatted as we ate.

…We then started a fire and gathered close by as the flames mesmerized us—into even more warm and relaxed conversation.

…And we eventually played a little music and danced around the flickering, glowing light—as the evening unraveled into raw stories, vulnerable shares, and belly laughs.

…Really all we did was walk, talk, eat, drink, and dance.

Going to the cabin by nature with a pond and a fire pit was just the excuse.

…Did it add an extra element to experience? Yes, of course.

But the thought I found myself circling back to was this: what people think they want is a fancy cabin in the woods that has a swimmable pond and a fire pit… but what they really want is an excuse to connect with the people they love and align with.

…And all that’s really needed for that is an intention and an invitation.

Don’t miss the connection for the cabin.