Meaningful Connection Archives · Matt Hogan's Blog

Final Act Of Love

It started with pacing. An unusual restlessness. One that didn’t cease—which usually does cease—with more potty time.

Shortly thereafter, she started to excessively drool and dry heave.

Having zero suspicion of any health problems or complications, I figured she ate something she shouldn’t have in the backyard and needed to hurl it up to feel better.

It was already well into the night at this point so I decided to try and sleep and let her get out what she had to get out, in whatever way she had to do that, and I would deal with it—whatever “it” was—in the morning.

And eventually, after more pacing, dry heaving, and slobbery drooling… she laid down.

…It wasn’t until the next day that I found out she had GDV or bloat—a life-threatening condition that occurs when a dog’s stomach twists and fills with gas—and that she was likely in extreme discomfort and distress.

…And yet, she laid down.

I don’t think she slept that entire night. I think she laid down, not because she finally wasn’t restless or nauseous anymore—I think the level of pain/discomfort only got worse throughout the night—but because she saw I was trying to sleep.

…And she didn’t want to disrupt or inconvenience me any further.

It was a final act of love.

One I tried so f*cking hard to return when, in addition to GDV, a large tumor was found in her side, and I gave her the softest, most comfortable landing I could possibly conceive.

How Strange [Poem]

How strange
To feel no hesitation at all
When getting skin carved
Ideas entrenched permanently
Even my 80 year old self
Won’t be able to unsee

It makes me think
That the time spent waiting
Brainstorming
And contemplating
—34 years after all
Was worth it
Like I timed it out perfectly
Like the mixed from the feelings
Like the fads, naivety, and temporary desires
Were filtered thoroughly
And left but only a more clear identity

How strange
To find love here
As I stare at healing flesh
As I trace these peeling lines
As I pat these itching scars
Something—you—become something
I start to recognize
This time spent waiting
The brainstorming; contemplating
The filtering and not settling
…As an outlining

A careful realization
A conversation with my 80 year old self
A constant clearing
Of more and more blind desire and hesitation
Resulting ultimately with you—a without a doubt vision
Of who my permanent person will be

P.s. You can read my other poems here.

Bring Sparks To Conversations

Conversation starting is a lot easier when you have something non-programmed to say.

When people ask you what’s up, rather than reply with “nothing much,” reply with something specific that’s “up” and at the top of your mind. What are you excited about? What experiences stand out from your everyday norm? What have you been thinking about a lot?

When people ask you how it’s going, rather than reply with “good,” reply with an honest answer on how your day/week/month/life is unfolding. What emotions have you been feeling more of/less of lately? What obstacles are you dealing with? What victories are you celebrating?

When people ask you what’s new, rather than reply with “same old,” reply with a short highlight reel of what’s actually new in your life from when you saw that person last. What new skills are you building/thinking of building? What travel/adventure/event plans have you recently made? Who have you seen or made plans to see?

…And don’t worry too much on how any of the above will be received. Just put it out there and see where it leads. At the very least, I can tell you this much… it’ll lead to far more conversation possibilities than the above mentioned “programmed” responses.

Figuring out these non-programmed-type answers on the spot can be hard. So, maybe try taking a few minutes each morning to answer these questions for yourself ahead of time. At the very least, I can tell you this much… it’ll lead to far more internal awareness than you might’ve had before.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Rhythmic Living

Social interaction is like breathing.

Time spent with people and time spent without people is like breathing in and breathing out.

…Which is considered a breath in and which is considered a breath out, however, differs person to person.

For some, time alone is a breath in and time spent with others is a breath out.

For others, time spent with others is a breath in and time spent alone is a breath out.

Neither way is better than the other—breathing is breathing.

What’s important to know, however, is which feels like which to you and then balancing in the appropriate opposite so as to establish a steady breathing pattern.

Time spent alone is breathing in for me. Time spent with others is breathing out.

Whenever I’m feeling drained, irritable, or frustrated—I know I probably need to step away from people and take a deep breath in.

And whenever I’m feeling excited, lonely, or some kind of depressed—I know I probably need to get out of my own head and breathe out.

Virtual doesn’t count.

Breathing is IRL only.

And if you get this balance right, your life will probably start to feel a whole lot less suffocating and sporadic a whole lot more rhythmic.

Not Every Stranger Is Out To Get You

As I was walking my dog yesterday, I came across a neighbor’s kid who was outside practicing soccer.

He was jumping up and down passing the ball one foot to the other presumably drilling ball handling skills.

But, when he saw my dog and I coming, he subtly grabbed the ball and walked off his front lawn, up his driveway, and to the back of his house—completely out of sight as we passed.

And it made me feel bad/sad.

I don’t know if he was shy or if I looked intimidating or if my dog looked intimidating or what…

But, I certainly didn’t want to interrupt his practice or make him feel awkward.

And I certainly would’ve said “Hi” and smiled as we passed.

Heck, I would’ve even kicked the ball with him if he hit it my way and we could’ve become acquainted as neighbor friends.

I write this as a reminder that not every stranger is out to get you… that not every social interaction is going to be as awkward or one-sided as you might think… that there is a lot more good in the world than the news/media might make you believe.

And while it’s undoubtedly important to teach people to be cautious (as a martial arts instructor, this is one of the major lessons I teach)… I’d argue it’s just as important to teach people to be brave.