Category: Meaningful Connection

Conversation starting is a lot easier when you have something non-programmed to say.

When people ask you what’s up, rather than reply with “nothing much,” reply with something specific that’s “up” and at the top of your mind. What are you excited about? What experiences stand out from your everyday norm? What have you been thinking about a lot?

When people ask you how it’s going, rather than reply with “good,” reply with an honest answer on how your day/week/month/life is unfolding. What emotions have you been feeling more of/less of lately? What obstacles are you dealing with? What victories are you celebrating?

When people ask you what’s new, rather than reply with “same old,” reply with a short highlight reel of what’s actually new in your life from when you saw that person last. What new skills are you building/thinking of building? What travel/adventure/event plans have you recently made? Who have you seen or made plans to see?

…And don’t worry too much on how any of the above will be received. Just put it out there and see where it leads. At the very least, I can tell you this much… it’ll lead to far more conversation possibilities than the above mentioned “programmed” responses.

Figuring out these non-programmed-type answers on the spot can be hard. So, maybe try taking a few minutes each morning to answer these questions for yourself ahead of time. At the very least, I can tell you this much… it’ll lead to far more internal awareness than you might’ve had before.

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P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Social interaction is like breathing.

Time spent with people and time spent without people is like breathing in and breathing out.

…Which is considered a breath in and which is considered a breath out, however, differs person to person.

For some, time alone is a breath in and time spent with others is a breath out.

For others, time spent with others is a breath in and time spent alone is a breath out.

Neither way is better than the other—breathing is breathing.

What’s important to know, however, is which feels like which to you and then balancing in the appropriate opposite so as to establish a steady breathing pattern.

Time spent alone is breathing in for me. Time spent with others is breathing out.

Whenever I’m feeling drained, irritable, or frustrated—I know I probably need to step away from people and take a deep breath in.

And whenever I’m feeling excited, lonely, or some kind of depressed—I know I probably need to get out of my own head and breathe out.

Virtual doesn’t count.

Breathing is IRL only.

And if you get this balance right, your life will probably start to feel a whole lot less suffocating and sporadic a whole lot more rhythmic.

As I was walking my dog yesterday, I came across a neighbor’s kid who was outside practicing soccer.

He was jumping up and down passing the ball one foot to the other presumably drilling ball handling skills.

But, when he saw my dog and I coming, he subtly grabbed the ball and walked off his front lawn, up his driveway, and to the back of his house—completely out of sight as we passed.

And it made me feel bad/sad.

I don’t know if he was shy or if I looked intimidating or if my dog looked intimidating or what…

But, I certainly didn’t want to interrupt his practice or make him feel awkward.

And I certainly would’ve said “Hi” and smiled as we passed.

Heck, I would’ve even kicked the ball with him if he hit it my way and we could’ve become acquainted as neighbor friends.

I write this as a reminder that not every stranger is out to get you… that not every social interaction is going to be as awkward or one-sided as you might think… that there is a lot more good in the world than the news/media might make you believe.

And while it’s undoubtedly important to teach people to be cautious (as a martial arts instructor, this is one of the major lessons I teach)… I’d argue it’s just as important to teach people to be brave.

…That moment when the person you were thinking about texting—to send warmth, good vibes, and just the notion that you were thinking about them—texts you first for some practical reason and the opportunity to surprise them with the above disappears right before your eyes.

This happened to me this morning and it was a good reminder to just send the damn text—especially the warm, vibe-y, caring “just because” ones—as close to the original thought as you can… because you just never know when the opportunity to do so will disappear.

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P.s. I started uploading quotes from The Midnight Library by Matt Haig to MoveMe Quotes. If you’d like to read along, you can get the book here and/or you can read the insights I upload for free here.

All it takes is one text.

To go from same old… to family movie night, at the theater, with four generations, dinner afterwards, and some high quality space to simply catch up and enjoy each other’s company.

I wasn’t the one who sent it.

But, to the person who did, thank you.

…Don’t ever forget how easy it is to be that person.

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P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

If you’re looking to make new connections, think not only about new things you can do, but things you can do that have frequency associated with them.

It’s significantly more difficult to make a new connection, who you can stay connected with for an ongoing period of time, after only one meeting/ interaction.

It becomes increasingly easier to make that ongoing connection with each additional meeting/interaction opportunity you have with them.

Think about the connections you have in your life right now. How many of them did you meet just once and then got their contact info and then started hanging out with? …And how many of them did you meet through school or work or a sport or a hobby—something that had a frequency associated with it?

I’m willing to bet most of your friends are from the latter group.

And so, moving forward, if you’re feeling lonely and/or like you want to add some new connections to your life, think about what you can add to your schedule that has an ongoing frequency that also brings a reoccurring group of people to it.

Things like:

• Sport Leagues
• Book Clubs
• Poetry Reading Series
• Craft Workshops
• Skill Building Classes
• And so on…

And stop beating yourself up about not making new connections from things like:

• Bars
• Clubs
• Concerts
• Hikes
• Festivals
• And so on…

…And as an added bonus, remember that the best approach, paradoxically, is to go into these opportunities for connection with the intention of connecting better with yourself. Do things that you’re excited to do; that you look forward to doing; that you want to tell people about…

…The connection(s) will almost always take care of itself/themselves.