Category: Direction Matters

In the modern age, many people work remotely. And common advice for people who do is to create a space that’s for work only. This way, the brain starts to associate the work with the space and eventually, just stepping into the space can trigger work mode.

In self-defense, the opposite practice is needed. In many cases, self-defense is practiced in martial arts schools, in very specific rooms, that often have a sacred element to them. But, much like how our mind starts to associate work mode with our designated work space, our mind can make a similar association with self-defense mode and our martial arts training space.

And we’ll rarely ever have to use our self-defense skills for real when we’re there… it’s precisely when we’re NOT there that we’ll have to use them. Which means we won’t be mentally primed and may get caught off guard.

If we can do careful visualization, serious role play, or reality based training, however… our mindset will start to expand outside of the martial arts school and into the rest of the world… which is an excellent strategy since that’s where it’ll be needed.

And this isn’t the only example of a skillset that’s required to be used in reality versus a classroom or computer screen… the question I have for you today is… which skill(s) are those for you?

This Thursday, there’s an opportunity for my martial arts students to perform at a local school in front of an auditorium of kids.

Thinking about who I want to have perform, I’ve been reflecting on: (1) Who has recently performed… (2) Who has a history of performing… and (3) Who has been noticeably practicing to perform…

In other words… an opportunity came knocking and the people I want to open the door to are the ones who have already been preparing for it…

Luck happens in life, as Seneca famously outlined, when preparation meets opportunity.

The problem for many of us in life, though, is that we’re too busy waiting to get picked by some great opportunity before we start preparing… when the ones who get picked are usually the ones who do the preparing way before the opportunity is even conceived.

“…Same old.”

It’s a question and response I hear at least once a day.

And today while at the doctor’s office to get bloodwork done, I heard somebody say, “Same old…” at least seven times in a row.

…It was as if he was trying to think of something not same old to say, but kept coming up short.

In a weekly meeting with one of my associates, we usually have a similar exchange—and I’m usually the one that says “Same old.” He always gives me a pretty thorough life update when I give him the knee jerk, “…You?”

It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately.

…What do I want to add to my days that’ll give it that remarkable spark?

What do I want to plan into next week? Next month? Next year? …That’ll give my tomorrow self that noteworthy change from the daily norm?

…And not because there’s anything wrong with “same old”—if you love your “same old,” then no harm, no foul.

But because without the question… without the reflection and experimentation… without the inner work prompt… we might never lean outside of our comfort zone enough to uncover or realize something new that’s absolutely worth remarking about.

Most of my part-time martial arts instructors, at the end of a class they teach, will read a typed out “Mat-Chat” to the class as a way to connect the physical training to the mental/character development.

Some of the more senior instructors and masters will look at the “Mat Chat” topic and then riff on it based on what comes to mind for them in those moments and from their extensive experience.

How does one get to the point of being able to “riff” on topics, off-the-cuff, and do it in a professional setting to paying clients in a way that’s confident, yet concise and provides a high enough value?

Simple: by investing enough time, energy, and effort into the topic. Eventually you’ll absorb enough of the key points and ideas that you’ll be able to speak freely about them without the prompt of the pre-written words.

If you want to be able to do better than just regurgitating what’s on the paper, you’ll have to do deeper dives that extend beyond the paper itself. If you only ever read the paper, of course that’s all you’ll be able to talk about because that’s the only source you’ll have to pull from.

…You have to expand your sources. You have to interact and examine more closely the material. You’ll have to be more curious and intentional with the topics at hand. You’ll have to do more inner work that’ll allow you to unpack and relate personal experiences. You’ll have to go above and beyond.

…That is, if you want to be able to do something that’s above and beyond what the rest can/would do.

At the martial arts school I teach at, we’re doing quarter check-ins.

This is the time when we touch base on how the last three months went and we set a goal or formulate a plan for the upcoming quarter.

This not only gives students a sense of accountability, but it forces them to reflect and plan. Which, amidst the busyness of everyday life, can easily get overlooked and postponed.

But, without these reflection and goal setting blocks… how can we course correct? How can we identify a bad trajectory? How can we set a new trajectory?

The point is it’s very hard to do so without a time block devoted to it.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be long. Our quarter check-ins typically last 5-15 minutes. And the great news is that, generally speaking, those 5-15 minutes can alter the entire trajectory of your quarter… maybe even your whole life.

And the bad news, of course, is that if you don’t have time to do it, well… the opposite is just as true as well.

I student of mine asked for advice on working in a toxic workplace.

Step 1, I said, is to figure out if the toxicity is coming from one or a few rotten apples—that are contaminating the rest of the lot—or if it’s the tree as a whole that’s toxic and it’s the source itself that’s contaminating the lot.

Step 2, of course—if we’re talking of one or a few rotten apples—is to take the appropriate actions to either remove the apples that are rotten or perform some kind of corporate/systemic/HR alchemy and cure them of their rot. Even if it’s the biggest, sweetest, highest yielding apple of the lot… it’s never worth ruining the rest of the harvest. Cure or remove are the only options.

…And if it’s the tree as a whole that’s toxic, well, I told my student, you’re better off taking your apple to another tree. Because the time, energy, and effort that would need to be invested into curing an entire tree, would be taken away from the time, energy, and effort that could be invested into yourself and a different tree that’s healthy and postured for growth.

Which is the last point I made: A massive tree that’s toxic is not better than a smaller tree that’s healthily growing. Always invest in trajectory as much as you do any other factor.

To force is to fight against the forces around you.

To surrender is to align with the forces around you.

The problem is that most people aren’t aware of the forces around them—because they’re too busy trying to force a schedule, force an agenda, force a relationship.

The trick is to slow down enough so as to actually feel… not only the energy coming from the forces that be… but the energy coming from the forces in your being.