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Matt Hogan's Blog Posts

On Teaching Kids How To Have Difficult Conversations Face-To-Face

Published on September 24, 2025

As a 20+ year martial arts instructor, I’d say less than 5% of the students who quit have told me they were going to do so face-to-face. The other 95% simply ghost—and I get it. It’s difficult to arrange a formal sit down with the instructor. It’s difficult to confront those feelings of maybe let down, disappointment, sadness, frustration, or moving on. It’s difficult to find the right words, to stay composed, or to know for sure if it’s the right decision…

But, the fact that it’s difficult is the point.

Think about what this teaches them… that just because ghosting is easy doesn’t mean it’s right. It teaches them that taking the extra time to arrange a formal sit down is worth it. It teaches them to put words to feelings and how to communicate those feelings to others… as opposed to just getting distracted with another busyness or obligation and hiding. It teaches them how to navigate the awkwardness, tension, and discomfort of being face-to-face with someone you’re in a difficult conversation with so that you can remain present in the space and navigate… without getting overly emotional, shutting down, and running away.

Think about what these lessons would instill in our children as they grow older and get faced with more and more difficult conversational circumstances.

Think about how many times you’ve been ghosted and how it likely was a learned behavior.

Think about how many grown adults could’ve used this kind of lesson as a child and how much different things would be for them (and you) as a grown up…

10 Minutes Per Day Could Be All It Takes To Grow Into A Whole New Life

Published on September 24, 2025

Dear busy person,

10 minutes per day could be all it takes to grow into a whole new life.

When done right, 10 minutes of stretching per day could take you from can’t touch your toes to full split.

When done right, 10 minutes of strengthening per day could take you from uncomfortable in all of your clothes to love the way you feel.

When done right, 10 minutes of inner work per day could take you from self-sabotage and overwhelm to self-love and clarity.

When done right, 10 minutes of reading per day could take you from zero books of interest read per year to ~10 books read per year.

When done right, 10 minutes of writing per day could take you from feeling lost and confused to feeling confident in your life direction.

When done right, 10 minutes of undistracted conversation per day could take you from wanting a separation to wanting to renew your vows.

…What’s life changing isn’t the 10 minutes the one time you do it. It’s the hundredth or thousandth time you’ve done it where the real impact is felt and seen.

The question isn’t a matter of time—we all have 10 minutes in our day to devote towards growth. It’s simply a matter of devotion… how bad do you want to grow (in that domain)? Because if you can’t devote 10 minutes per day towards it, the answer is: not bad enough.

And if that’s the case, maybe you should spend 10 minutes today figuring out why or to which domain you’d like to pivot to…

A Friend’s Brother Passed Away Over The Weekend

Published on September 22, 2025

When his wife texted me about it, I offered my condolences and told her not to hesitate about reaching out if there’s anything I could do.

She replied in a way nobody has ever replied to this sentiment before.

She said, “Thank you! If you have time to stop by our house and just sit with him for a while that would mean a lot. We are here all weekend.”

And so I did.

And let me tell you, it felt like the best thing I could’ve done.

…Better than cards, flowers, or heartfelt text messages—not that there’s anything wrong with these.

…It’s just to say presence is one of the—if not the—best forms of support during indescribably hard times.

“…But Look At All You Remembered!”

Published on September 21, 2025

At my grandmother’s 90th birthday party this past weekend, a family member made a comment to her that she was sorry she forgot the lighter.

…And my grandmother looked around the room—at the 23+ family members, 5 of whom were under the age of 10, 7 of whom were printed onto poster board and glued to a stick (because they weren’t able to make it from out of town), the array of eaten-clean plates and sipped-dry glasses, the custom decorated cupcakes, the private room in the favorite restaurant with the incredible waitress—and said, “but look at all that you remembered…!”

You Should Thank Your Perfectionism

Published on September 20, 2025

A martial arts student of mine tested for her new belt the other night.

She made some mistakes and blamed her perfectionism for it. She said she was “too much in her head” and the obsessing over the details messed up her flow and ability to perform.

What I told her is that perfectionism is as much a strength as it is a weakness—like most things in life. And it isn’t something that should be blamed, but something she should seek to better understand.

See perfectionism is really just a close attention to detail and a desire to get things right. This is an excellent virtue to have. Heck, without details, martial arts would stop being an art and would become arbitrary movement. And without a desire to get things right, what the heck are we even doing?

Where perfectionism goes wrong is when we expect ourselves to be perfect… and react to mistakes in destructive, unhealthy, or unproductive ways. What we have to understand is that to be human is to be imperfect—it is wired into our very nature.

And rather than blaming perfectionism for our mistakes… we should thank our perfectionism for making us care about the details… and use it as fuel to get back to our training in an even more deliberate, healthy, and productive way.

This is what she was missing.

See it wasn’t the perfectionism… it was the expectations and lack of practice. Get those two things right and suddenly perfectionism becomes the best thing to ever happened to you.

…I know it feels that way to me.

“I Don’t Match The Energy, I Set The Standard.”

Published on September 19, 2025

…Is a powerful mantra to help guide you through days filled with difficult, annoying, lethargic, frustrating, unjust type people (and more).

A coworker hit you with a bunch of negative energy? Hit them back with a bunch of the opposite. Don’t match their energy; set the standard.

Eating highly processed fast food a norm in your family? Lead by example and prepare wholesome, easy, nutrient dense meals. Don’t match their energy; set the standard.

Find yourself in a situation where something wrong is happening and everybody around you is a bystander? Stand up and speak out. Don’t match their energy; set the standard.

Did you hate the way somebody taught you (or tried to teach you) a lesson? Teach that lesson to somebody else in a way you would’ve loved to have learned it. Don’t match their energy; set the standard.

Hate how divisive news, media, and politics is making our society? Turn it all off and volunteer at a local nonprofit or soup kitchen—something that’ll connect you to other humans regardless of their background, beliefs, or political standing. Don’t match their energy; set the standard.

Now go ahead and write this on your bathroom mirror or save it as the background of your phone. And keep it at the forefront of your mind so you can help us not only set… but raise the standard.

“It’s A Long Story…”

Published on September 18, 2025

One night, while dancing hysterically at Burning Man, three others who were dancing hysterically joined me—right in the middle of a massive crowd in front of an incredible DJ set.

In the heat of this incredible exchange, we all got to talking and one of these dancers mentioned that she was having a really emotional burn. And when I asked her why, she said it was a long story.

I told her to take her time and not to shorten it at all.

A little taken aback, she paused, looked at me to gather more information, visibly relaxed once she saw I was serious, and then leaned towards me and began…

And for the next few minutes, she told me about how one of her campmates had a miscarriage at burning man a few years ago… and how they managed to revive the baby… and how later that week… after the indescribable wave of emotions… the baby passed.

…And how deeply it effected everybody in the camp.

At the end of the story, she looked me dead in the eye, into what felt like my soul, and thanked me for saying what I said and holding the space for her to share that story.

I share this to serve as a reminder that “It’s a long story” is often a key that opens up deeper layers of a person, and to not miss your chance to open that door—if you feel like it’s appropriate—when it’s presented to you.