I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
I help busy people do inner work.
I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
I was never the most popular in school.
But I was also never the least.
I was athletic enough to get along with most of the sports types. I was smart enough to get along with most of the intellectual types. I was rebellious enough to get along with most of the party types. I was well-tempered enough to get along with most of the angry and angsty types. And I was empathetic enough to get along with most of the outcasted and alone types.
I’m not sure if this was because I had a relatively high emotional/social intelligence or because I knew how to change the colors of my personality as quickly as a chameleon running from a kestrel during peak autumn foliage.
But the thing about getting along with everyone, is that you don’t get to go deep in getting along with a few someones.
And while I’ve had some incredibly deep relationships throughout my life, I sometimes find myself changing colors faster than I can converse deeply with those of the last color I just changed from. And just as I’m settling into that new color—I look down and see my pigment changing yet again.
If the chameleon analogy holds true, then I don’t think being only one color is the answer—what a waste of a superpower, am I right?
…But maybe running around like nature’s LED isn’t the answer either.
On three separate occasions yesterday, I was asked business related questions without any kind of greeting.
First, an email from an associate. Second, a text from a staff member. And finally, in reality from an instructor who works at the martial arts school I manage who hit me with three questions as I walked in the door to the school before saying so much as “Hi.”
…And what startled me was that I interrupted this instructor mid-question and said, “Hey [instructors name]! I hope you had a nice labor day weekend. How’s everything?” …And still didn’t even get so much as a “Hi.” They were completely lost in the midst of their business.
Or… maybe better spelled… their busyness.
This isn’t a shot at anyone mentioned above. Heck, there have been plenty of times when I’ve been guilty of the same. It’s merely an observation.
I know there are things that need to get done. But is the extra minute you gain by skipping the greeting worth the feeling you give them of not feeling seen?
During a night out with friends this past weekend, I had more fun doing car karaoke in the 30-minute commute to and from a California club than I did in the club itself featuring a DJ that has 300+ million streams on Spotify where we spent 4 hours.
Just another reminder that fun isn’t tied to cost, length, or prestige.
Fun is tied to perspective.
…And bringing a deliberate and intentional fun into your perspective is often all that’s really needed.
On a flight to San Diego, California, I got to talking with a mom who had two kids.
On the topic of parenting, she mentioned that her and her husband split the responsibilities 50/50… but not in the way you might think.
One day, she will do 100% of the parenting roles. Including meal prep, transportation, chores, homework assistance, bedtime, etc. And while she’s doing that, the husband gets time to himself to eat out, spend time with friends, relax from chores, do his own extracurricular activities/hobbies, do inner work, etc.
On the next day, the husband will do 100% of the parenting roles and the wife gets to do whatever she would like in the same above mentioned ways.
They’ve been doing it this way for years and she said it works incredibly well for them. The reason? They’re not both trying to do all of the above mentioned things—parenting and personal work—all at the same time.
…Which usually results in a fulfilling completion of none of it for anybody.
Instead they’re giving each other a chance to focus on one specific avenue—parenting or personal work—and allowing for enough space and time to do it in full.
“Somebody should take all of this extra food to homeless people and/or local shelters.”
“Absolutely” I said.
“Would you like me to help you load some of it up into your car?” I continued.
“Oh, no.” She replied. “I don’t want to be the person to do that. I just think it’s a good idea.”
There’s certainly no shortage of good ideas.
Having good ideas isn’t ever really the issue.
It’s being the one who’s ready to take good actions.
In reply to an email, I caught myself typing, “You will get better.”
And then realized that was a statement I couldn’t promise.
So I deleted it and typed out, “If you keep showing up for yourself, you will keep getting better.”
Because saying to someone, “You will get better” relieves them of responsibility. It means they can do whatever they want and the outcome they desire will happen regardless. And if it doesn’t—it can be made your fault because you were the one who said it would.
No.
Better to always remind people that you can’t change their life trajectory any more than you can change who they are as a person.
…But if they’re willing to take responsibility for change in their own life… then it’s hard to see how “better” wouldn’t be a byproduct.
P.s. Ready to take control of your life’s direction? My 30-Day Guide will help you build unshakable confidence in your life’s direction without costing you thousands on life coaching.