I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
I help busy people do inner work.
I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
“Nobody kills your dreams on purpose. You just stop feeding them. And eventually they stop bothering you.”
Unknown
Of course we want our dreams to come to life.
We fantasize of the day when we officially close on our dream home, or visit our dream bucket list destination, or become an author of the book we’ve always wanted to write.
…None of us kill our dreams on purpose.
But sometimes, we let the talking get in the way of the feeding.
We talk to friends and family about our dreams, we talk to our diaries about our dreams, we talk to social media and teachers and strangers about our dreams…
And we continue to talk and talk and talk to the same circles of people while the dream itself starves from inaction.
You can only talk about wanting something for so long, while simultaneously taking zero action towards obtaining it, and staying precisely as far away from realizing it as you ever have… before you simply stop believing in your ability to close that gap.
And you stop being bothered by the dream because its energy continues to dwindle while you invest precious time, energy, and resources into other life tasks. Many times into things you would happily sell back on your deathbed like TV, video games, social media, work you hate, and people you don’t like…
What’s your dream?
What was your dream?
Have you let it starve?
And can you reclaim some of the nourishment of your life and feed it back into that dream?
…Or are you really okay with it starving and withering away?
A thought to update your internal compass:
“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”
Joseph Campbell
You know what moments give me the most meaning?
…The moments when I feel most alive.
And I’m not even talking about moments when I feel intense joy as rapture might suggest above.
I’m talking about moments when feel the most. In any direction. In the direction of joy, sure. But also in the direction of sad and surprised and fearful and bad.
Even just looking at the past few months of my life. Which moments did I feel the most?
…I felt pretty scared dropping 420 feet straight to the ground on a roller coaster.
…I felt pretty devastated hearing that my friend lost her battle to cancer.
…I felt pretty ecstatic dancing uncaringly at several music shows with friends.
…I felt pretty awful seeing my screen time rise and self-discipline falter.
And coincidentally, these would also be the moments I would reference when thinking about what gave me the most meaning.
So rather than seeking meaning in life…
…Maybe try recalibrating your internal compass to move in the direction of aliveness. To move towards potent feelings; not away from. To seek opportunities to feel more fully; not avoid via distraction, suppression, and vegetation. To actively feel; not passively wait.
We can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do more… more that gets added on top of the ton we already do… which usually happens when we compare ourselves to others…
Or we can choose to do less… which is usually best done when we remove the distractionary, unimportant stuff from our day…
…Which opens up space. Blank space. Blank canvas space. Boring blank canvas space.
The kind of boring blank canvas space that’ll inspire you to do more. That’ll pull you to do more. That’ll get you lost in the more.
After a school tour, a trial class, and feedback from my instructors, I met with a father about signing his two kids up for martial arts classes.
The class schedule, we soon realized, would be an issue.
His work schedule was sporadic and would only allow him to bring one of his kids in one time per week—and he didn’t have any alternative help.
I told him one time per week wouldn’t be enough and that I wouldn’t recommend signing his child up until he was sure he would be able to bring him in to at least two.
He agreed and we set up a follow up time when he could sign his other child up.
When that day came, he surprised me and told me he was ready to sign up both.
I asked him what changed and he said: I requested an extra day off work so that I could make this work. This is important and I realized I needed to make it a priority. Otherwise, what am I doing all that work for?
He continued to tell me that even though money might be a little more tight, seeing his kids grow up to be the best little humans they could be was priceless. And he felt our program could help him do that.
…What are you doing all that work for?
Isn’t it incredible to think that there’s a certain combination of words I could say… right now… that could completely alter the direction (and ultimately the destination) of your life?
Because the right combination of words would inspire a change in actions…
And a change in actions would result in a change in feeling…
And a change in feeling would result in a reinforced and repeated action—that would ultimately become a habit.
And a change in habit done long enough would become a change in identity.
…And a change in identity would become a change in destiny—and of course, destination.
This is where my motivation to write comes from.
Writing takes me back to the source of all change. Pure, unfiltered, self-realized content. Not others-realized content that’s tik-tok-ified and spoon fed into a mushy, dwindling attention span. But rather little nuggets of wisdom unearthed with pick, shovel, grit, will, and a few clacks of my damn keyboard.
All to lay out a unique combination of direction-altering words.
Not just for me.
And not just for you.
But for us.
So that we all might have a more fulfilling and favorable destination in life.
…And it’s because nothing I do is ever perfect and so could be argued that it was wrong in some way.
Literally nothing.
My morning routine? Anybody could find a way I could do it better.
My exercise regiment? Would probably be laughed at by some of the gym bros.
My eating habits? I’m not microwaving nearly as much as I used to… so that’s a victory I guess.
And then there’s how I do things professionally…
Teaching martial arts? Sheesh. Always so much to remember and consider. The depth of information is oceanic and I feel like all I’m ever able to convey is a few drops at a time.
Teaching character development? Oh lord. Such a complex and ever-changing landscape. Not sure if there’s anything I’ve ever said that couldn’t be criticized in some way, shape, or form. What works for some absolutely doesn’t for others. And even just practicing what I/we preach is a monumental task in and of itself. So many things I say and do could be said and done better.
Training staff? Their mistakes always feel like my mistakes and it’s in both of our natures to make lots of them. Oh how challenging being in this position is.
…And yet.
…And yet.
I keep showing up every day.
I keep my mindset focused on tweaking and course correcting.
I try not to let the unrealistic expectation of perfect stop me from taking any action at all.
Because while nothing I ever do is perfect…
…Something in that direction is always lightyears ahead of nothing done at all.
…I’ll tell you what the worst way is: not having it at all.
Everything after having it, I’d say, is in the direction of better.
Awkwardness, yelling, and upset included.
…Better than what happens when it doesn’t happen at all.
Because if a hard conversation is necessary… and it’s not being had… the gap in misunderstanding only continues to widen as time passes which only makes the situation harder and harder.
Starting the conversation is precisely the thing that stops the widening.
…It’s what prevents the gap from opening any further.
It’s what stops the hard exactly where it is and allows the two sides an opportunity to either build a bridge or acknowledge the gap for what it is… and at the very least stop hoping for the gap and difficulty to solve and close itself.
…Which, either way, (finally) moves things in the direction of easier.
…Aka better.