I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
I help busy people do inner work.
I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
“The cancer is winning.” I was told today.
“One year. Maybe six months left to live.”
“I was doing great yesterday, but today, I’m not doing good at all.”
We sat together for a while. Both processing. Me blurting out a swear word every few minutes. Him slowly cluing me in to where his head was at.
“…I must stay positive.”
“…I have to keep trying to take class.”
“…I might be losing, but I am going to write this final chapter.”
And it was in those three lines that I think the words he needed to hear found him. All I did was emphasize, reinforce, and offer my full support.
Here’s why I think those three lines were so on point:
We must stay positive. Not delusionally positive while the world burns down around us. But strategically optimistic. So that we can see opportunity, believe that the world can be made into a better place, and trust in ourselves to act.
We must keep learning. Because if we’re not learning, we’re regressing. There is no stagnant. And what we find on the other side of our curiosities is legacy. Because curiosities lead to topic, topic leads to creation, creation leads to tribe, and tribe… well, tribe is who carries forth our legacy after we’re gone.
We must control what’s within our control. There was nothing left to do. Cancer was winning. But choosing how to spend his remaining time? Who to spend that time with? What words he wanted to author on the final pages of his life’s book? …All well within his control. And exactly where the mind should be focused when all else feels so uncontrollable.
Yesterday, one of the guys I play basketball with saw a lane, attacked it and drove towards the basket with big physicality, took a lot of contact while going for a layup, must’ve lost himself in the air, and came crashing down on his confused and discombobulated leg with the full force of his weight…
A few thuds, screeches, and blood-curdling screams later… he was laid out on the floor, in fetal position, holding onto his knee like keeping his leg attached depended on it…
We called 911. Got him as comfortable as we could. And let the professionals do what they were trained to do from there.
It wasn’t long after that I found myself sitting on the gym bench… sweat dripping from my forehead… staring at my knees.
“Man, I don’t express this enough to y’all, but thank you. Thank you for an up-until-this-point lifetime of use, abuse, and challenge with no major injury. The games I’ve played, the movements I’ve thrown, the sights I’ve seen, the independence I’ve been shown… is largely because of y’all. And I promise to keep doing my best to take care.”
Did my knees hear me?
…Obviously not.
But I heard me.
And that’s the point of gratitude.
A friend called me during a work shift yesterday and I had to send her to voicemail.
She texted me shortly thereafter several happy birthday memes and it made me smile.
I texted her later that day saying thank you and that I was sorry I couldn’t answer.
She said, “Oh that’s okay. As long as you feel celebrated that’s all I care about.”
And boy did that line make my day.
A mom of one of my martial arts students told me the other day that she was going to miss her son’s martial arts tournament for the first time since they started years ago.
When I asked her why, she told me the most incredible answer.
…Her longtime friend invited her and four others to fly to Seattle, Washington, USA for a birthday party that she was throwing—for herself. And check out the festivities lineup:
All created and put together by the birthday girl herself.
And I absolutely love this energy. Especially as I reflect on this past year and celebrate my own birthday (which is today…!)
What a joy it is to create joy in your life.
…And what a drag it can be to wait for others to create joy for you.
Some of my absolute favorite memories from this last year have been from experiences I took the initiative to create for myself.
And as I step into 37, this is the kind of energy I want to keep leading my life forward with.
An uncompromising, unapologetic, unwavering drive to live my life as fully as I’m able—without waiting for someone else to invite me or tell me how to do it for me.
If I suddenly forgot everything about my life and was told to piece back together who I was… a good place to look for clues might be the things in my house, what shows up on my social media feeds, and my camera roll.
What you’d find in my house are vegan food items, books galore, exercise equipment, DJ decks, unique wall decor, and more…
What you’d find in my social media feeds are martial arts clips, DJ sets, creator strategies, basketball drills, inspirational speeches, and more…
What you’d find in my camera roll are pictures of my family/friends/students, travel shots, music show videos and dancing clips, recorded stories and ideas I wanted to share, and maybe a few selfies or moments of me in noteworthy moments or while I was in my element.
The thing about camera rolls, social media feeds, and collected items is it communicates priority or attention.
And what we pay attention to tells us volumes about who we are.
Take a closer look at what the above communicates about you in your life. Do you like the picture it paints? Or are you paying attention to things that are in conflict with who you are or who you want to be?
And finally, pay attention to the things you pay attention to in your life. There’s still so much you have yet to discover about yourself and what captures your attention is a clue that there’s something deeper worth exploring.
On the surface, it appears masochistic and idiotic.
But when we dig deeper… we might realize it’s actually to serve a need.
Brianna Wiest, author of The Mountain Is You, points out that, “Being successful can make you less liked. Finding love can make you more vulnerable. Making yourself less attractive can guard you. Playing small allows you to avoid scrutiny. Procrastinating puts you back in a place of comfort.“
We self-sabotage because we’re serving the needs of a lower version of ourself.
The practice—the inner work—is about learning how to identify and act in ways that’s aligned with the opposite—our highest version.
Rather than blindly serving the needs of our lower version self, we need to ask ourselves, “What would my highest version do?”
And rather than ignoring, suppressing, or hiding behind behaviors that self-sabotage… we need to unpack, dissect, and understand them.
And by committing to a regular practice that leads to growth, we might find that being successful can make us like ourselves more… that finding love can make us feel more fulfilled… that making ourselves more attractive can be exciting… and that by playing big, taking action, and staying outside of our comfort zone can allow us to maximize our time here on earth.
P.s. Here’s a list of my favorite quotes from The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest.
Sometimes when I sit in my backyard and close my eyes… the rustling of the trees sounds like the caressing of the waves on a shoreline.
Sometimes when I’m driving to work with my windows down, music up, and hand out the window surfing the wind… I forget I even have a destination and feel as free as I ever did roadtripping.
Sometimes when I’m reading a book at home… I can feel as filled with wonder, awe, and curiosity as I ever did while walking the streets of a foreign city or natural landscape.
It’s a reminder for me that wherever you go—there you are.
If you aren’t happy where you are, you will not be happy where you go.
The scenery, the novelty, the freshness might distract you for a little while. But once it settles—and trust me, it settles—what’s left is you… the perceiver. The witnesser. The experience interpreter.
And if you can do the inner work that’ll give your perception novelty and freshness… then it won’t ever matter where you are…
There you’ll be.