I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
I help busy people do inner work.
I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
If I comment on something 100% of you knows isn’t true… it won’t affect you.
“Your green skin is ugly.”
“Your shoulders are stupid.”
“Your grass is lame.”
If I comment on something you haven’t fully worked through… it may trigger you.
“You’re ugly.”
“You’re stupid.”
“You’re lame.”
Inner work allows you to explore thoughts like these and build a foundation of truth around what’s actually true.
“Am I ugly? Or are those person’s comments ugly?”
“Am I stupid? Or is there a depth to me that this person will simply never get to meet?”
“Am I lame? Or am I in alignment with my circadian rhythm, aware of my needs/desires, and have boundaries that I’m not afraid to enforce?”
Remember that getting triggered is an invitation.
It’s possible that some part of you still believes in what was said.
Or maybe it’s something else?
…Keeping up implies comparison.
And comparison falls short because there’s always somebody you can compare yourself to who is below your level and somebody who is above your level.
Do this too much in either direction and the end result is the opposite of growth.
Compare yourself with those below your level too much and you’ll stop trying. You’ll lose your hustle. It’ll all become “too easy” for you and you’ll become complacent—growth’s enemy.
Compare yourself with those above your level too much and you’ll lose hope. You’ll burn out. It’ll all become too hard for you and you’ll become frustrated—maybe even to the point of quitting. And there’s no growth in that.
Take comparison out of the equation altogether.
Return your focus back onto yourself. Measure where you were yesterday, take action that will result in a step forward from there, and repeat tomorrow.
Growth isn’t about keeping up—it’s about moving forward in your own way.
In a lot of ways, the time and space that immediately follows hardship isn’t the hardest.
In many cases, that time and space is filled with busyness and urgency and task lists.
Think about loss. What usually follows is funeral arrangements, hosting logistics, memory/legacy displays, writing a eulogy, vigils, etc.
Think about injuries/health scares. What usually follows are doctor visits, X-Rays/scans, personal research, secondary opinions, rehab/physical therapy, etc.
Think about injustice. What usually follows is evidence gathering, lawyer visits, activism, awareness raising, research and case development and rallying, etc.
…Yes, in the time and space that immediately follows hardship, there seems to be a constant flow of things that need to be done—things our mind can focus on—that takes it away from the pain of the hardship.
And in many ways, it’s in this busyness and action that we can constructively channel the big emotional energy contained within our sadness/anger/grief. Although it can also become an avoidance strategy and lead to a suppression that can later explode and completely break a person down.
Which is why it’s important to remember that it’s when the dust settles… when the task list thins to completion… when the time and space is no longer filled with busyness and urgency… that the real hardship begins.
The hardship of creating a new normal… of having to stare an uncomfortable/unknown/undesired reality in the face… of not having any more immediate distractions and having to really feel and be with the pain…
…And to not forget this when those in your circle experience hardship.
Your immediate presence is undoubtedly valuable.
But your ongoing check-ins, unannounced visits, and random messages are oftentimes… exponentially more so.
Early last week, I got a call from a student of mine who’s like a little sister.
She asked if I was going to a martial arts tournament that she was competing in that weekend—and I told her I wasn’t planning on it.
She essentially put on her “puppy dog” voice and asked if I would go anyway.
…And so I did.
I booked a flight the next day, got a rental car, figured out my room and stay situation, and told myself I’d figure out the rest as I went.
…And I’m so glad I did.
Had that student not called me, I never would have gone. And I would’ve missed out on so many experiences, memories, and moments worth cherishing.
Sometimes we don’t call people to ask if they’ll go with us because we don’t want to “inconvenience them.” Or because we’re afraid they’ll say no or reject us in some way. Or because we figure if they wanted to go, they would’ve taken the initiative to make the plans themselves.
But here’s the thing: invitations are gifts.
…It’s how I genuinely feel about the invitation I was given by that student.
And by not extending invitations to people you would genuinely want to join you on a trip or to an experience or to be a part of shared moment… you’re withholding gifts to those very people.
Gifts that could very well give them something worth cherishing.
One day, everything I’ve ever written will no longer be read.
…Everything I’ve ever recorded will no longer be watched.
…Everything I’ve ever said and done will be forgotten.
…Everyone I’ve ever loved and cared for will be gone.
And yet.
I still choose to keep on writing.
…To keep on recording and sharing things.
…To keep on saying and doing things.
…To keep on loving and caring and building and creating.
Because the point isn’t to leave something behind that people will always remember me by after I’m gone.
The point is to leave everything behind. To exhaust this temporary experience with every ounce of life force I have. To hold on to nothing and give all that’s inside to the collective in some small way or form.
Living for some legacy we won’t be there to feel?
…Or living to feel?
…And letting legacy do what it will as we leave our experience naked and empty-handed, yet content and full.
…It’s only transferred/shared.
This is why when you’re sitting at home by yourself, contemplating whether you should do that thing you know you should do or not, it can be so damn hard to find the energy to do it.
…Because there’s no energy being shared/gifted to you.
You’re just trying to create energy out of thin air.
This is also why when you show up to do that thing you know you should do, and there are a bunch of other people doing the thing already, it suddenly becomes easier…
It’s almost as though the energy… well… appears out of thin air.
…It’s because it kind of does.
The thin air is the medium through which energy is transferred/shared. And when you get a handful of people in a room who are givers of energy—everybody leaves feeling boosted. The opposite is also true as well. Get a bunch of energy vampires in a room and you’ll probably have been better off staying in that original room by yourself.
Those who understand this fundamental principle of physics understand a key strategy for getting hard things done easier in life.
…Which is at the cornerstone of all proper inner work matters.