I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
I help busy people do inner work.
I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
Early last week, I got a call from a student of mine who’s like a little sister.
She asked if I was going to a martial arts tournament that she was competing in that weekend—and I told her I wasn’t planning on it.
She essentially put on her “puppy dog” voice and asked if I would go anyway.
…And so I did.
I booked a flight the next day, got a rental car, figured out my room and stay situation, and told myself I’d figure out the rest as I went.
…And I’m so glad I did.
Had that student not called me, I never would have gone. And I would’ve missed out on so many experiences, memories, and moments worth cherishing.
Sometimes we don’t call people to ask if they’ll go with us because we don’t want to “inconvenience them.” Or because we’re afraid they’ll say no or reject us in some way. Or because we figure if they wanted to go, they would’ve taken the initiative to make the plans themselves.
But here’s the thing: invitations are gifts.
…It’s how I genuinely feel about the invitation I was given by that student.
And by not extending invitations to people you would genuinely want to join you on a trip or to an experience or to be a part of shared moment… you’re withholding gifts to those very people.
Gifts that could very well give them something worth cherishing.
One day, everything I’ve ever written will no longer be read.
…Everything I’ve ever recorded will no longer be watched.
…Everything I’ve ever said and done will be forgotten.
…Everyone I’ve ever loved and cared for will be gone.
And yet.
I still choose to keep on writing.
…To keep on recording and sharing things.
…To keep on saying and doing things.
…To keep on loving and caring and building and creating.
Because the point isn’t to leave something behind that people will always remember me by after I’m gone.
The point is to leave everything behind. To exhaust this temporary experience with every ounce of life force I have. To hold on to nothing and give all that’s inside to the collective in some small way or form.
Living for some legacy we won’t be there to feel?
…Or living to feel?
…And letting legacy do what it will as we leave our experience naked and empty-handed, yet content and full.
…It’s only transferred/shared.
This is why when you’re sitting at home by yourself, contemplating whether you should do that thing you know you should do or not, it can be so damn hard to find the energy to do it.
…Because there’s no energy being shared/gifted to you.
You’re just trying to create energy out of thin air.
This is also why when you show up to do that thing you know you should do, and there are a bunch of other people doing the thing already, it suddenly becomes easier…
It’s almost as though the energy… well… appears out of thin air.
…It’s because it kind of does.
The thin air is the medium through which energy is transferred/shared. And when you get a handful of people in a room who are givers of energy—everybody leaves feeling boosted. The opposite is also true as well. Get a bunch of energy vampires in a room and you’ll probably have been better off staying in that original room by yourself.
Those who understand this fundamental principle of physics understand a key strategy for getting hard things done easier in life.
…Which is at the cornerstone of all proper inner work matters.
Sometimes it’s good to be a “hotel princess”—as one of my friends put it—and sometimes it’s good to be a “tent bum.”
Being a “hotel princess” is about choosing a situation where zero choices will need to be made about how your basic living needs are going to be met. It’s about choosing running water, air conditioned rooms, Wi-Fi access, room service, and soft beds. It’s about choosing comfort. And there is certainly a time and a place for this.
Being a “tent bum” is about choosing a situation where all choices will need to be made about how your basic living needs are going to be met. It’s about flexing your survival skill muscles and challenging yourself to figure out how you’re going to stay hydrated/clean, warm/cool, connected if/when needed, functional/fed, and where/how you’re going to set up a shelter for rest/recovery. It’s about intentionally choosing discomfort. Something many people in the modern world don’t make a time or space for in the least.
Even camping in the modern age looks less and less like the latter and is looking more and more like the former—there’s RVs, remote AirBnBs, and glamping setups galore.
And I get it—travel can be stressful enough. Especially travel to remote parts of the world where there are so many unknowns as is.
…But if you want an inner work challenge? An opportunity to see—and possibly grow—what you’re made of?
Try being a “tent bum” for a few days in the woods.
It’ll most likely elicit more inward reflection and growth than being a “hotel princess” ever would.
I spent this past weekend camping in the forest and listening to live music.
Which is an interesting mix.
The music unites and shines a light on everybody’s best—most joyful, relaxed, playful—side.
And the camping challenges and brings out a side of people that’s usually hidden—the cranky, stressed, irritable—side.
…Generally speaking, of course,
And I point this out because both are important. Not only to seek out when building relationships with others, but to reflect on as you build up the relationship you have with yourself.
Being “joyful, relaxed, and playful” when you’re well rested, around incredible energy, and hearing music that vibes with your soul—is easy. Again, generally speaking.
Being “joyful, relaxed, and playful” when you’re sore from walking/dancing, around irritable energy, and hearing comments and sounds that mess with your vibe? …Not so easy.
…But incredibly impressive and reflective of a person who has done their inner work.
Which isn’t to say you should never be cranky, stressed, or irritable. Those emotions are certainly signals that are most likely signaling things about your environment you should take note of and/or change.
…But it could just as likely be signaling things about yourself that you should take note of and/or change, too.
Find the medium where you feel you can best express yourself and lean in.
Maybe it’s music. Maybe it’s art. Maybe it’s sport.
Maybe it’s dancing. Maybe it’s painting. Maybe it’s basketball.
Maybe it’s line dancing. Maybe it’s ballet. Maybe it’s ecstatic dancing.
Maybe it’s watercolor. Maybe it’s oil painting. Maybe it’s spray painting.
Maybe it’s casual pick-up basketball. Maybe it’s in an amateur league. Maybe it’s in a professional league.
The thing is, where you find yourself lost in an expressive medium… that’s where you’ll find your most authentic self.
…Not when you’re in a business meeting, or on a first date, or making a video for a social media audience. In each of those examples, there’s a self-consciousness. A focus on what the other person thinks and a desire to give your best impression. And so you put on the best fitting personality mask that you think will elicit the best response.
When you’re lost in an expressive medium, however? And time flies by? And there’s no self-consciousness?
That’s where the real you shows his/her face.
That’s where the source of some of your most potent life energy will be.
And that… is where your best life and favorite people will be.