Category: Understanding Love

Want to learn how to have better conversations? Ask better questions.

Want to learn how to become more interesting? Become more interested.

Want to learn how to more smoothly break the ice? Subtract as much hesitation as you can and simply shoot your first question.

Curiosity is the key to great conversation.

And if you’re worried about awkward silences, here’s a pro-tip I learned from a friend: lean into the silence and let it linger. Think carefully about what’s been said and construct your next question without haste. You might be surprised how often people will reflexively fill that void first and offer additional thoughts for your curiosity to chew on.

Finally, when engaging in casual conversation, a bit short is always better than a bit long.

…Because a bit short implies there were some curiosities that weren’t fully explored—which is an excellent opener for your next interaction.

P.s. How To Have Great Conversations in 7 Steps ➜

What follows is a quote from Sheldon B. Kopp from his book, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him!  In it, I found there to be some pretty profound ideas worth sharing and elaborating on. Let’s dive in:

“If I am transparent enough to myself, then I can become less afraid of those hidden selves that my transparency may reveal to others…” How true is it that we hide what’s within, not because we want to hide… but because we’re afraid of what we might find—it’s something we haven’t fully explored yet ourselves. And until we explore it—via writing, reflecting, meditating, etc—we’ll likely continue to struggle with transparency.

“…If I reveal myself without worrying about how others will respond, then some will care, though others may not.” We’ve all met a few of them in life. The rare ones who are who they are and don’t give one care what anybody thinks about it. And their authenticity makes them attractive—to some… and a repellant to others. The key is that it’s attractive to some—the ones who vibe at a similar frequency and want to join your tribe. The others don’t matter.

“…But who can love me, if no one knows me?” …And if you don’t know yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

“…I must risk it, or live alone. It is enough that I must die alone. I am determined to let down, whatever the risks, if it means that I may have whatever is there for me.” …Even if what’s there is pain, suffering, and loss. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

“I saw him dancing on the dance floor on New Year’s Eve with two empty champagne glasses and I knew I had to meet him.”

This is what one of the parents told me when I asked her how she and her husband met.

She added, “I wasn’t even going to go out that night, but my friends forced me.”

And there they were, coming up on their 33rd New Year’s Eve together.

I love this story for two reasons.

One, it’s a wonderful reminder to dance. To put yourself out there and worry less about what other people think. It’s exactly how you eventually attract the ones who see you for who you are… not for who you go on pretending to be.

Two, it’s a wonderful reminder to do things—even when you sometimes don’t want to. I’m the type who can stay home for an entire weekend, alone, and love every second of it. And a lot of the time, that’s exactly what I’ll do. But, when I make plans to go out or do something fun (which I often have to remind myself to do), I try to stick to them. Because I know that while staying in can serve a valuable purpose… going out can, too.

…And what a shame it would be to miss the chance to meet the person who may very well lead to the adventure that lasts a lifetime.

I found a small 2 inch by 4 inch piece of paper hidden inside one of the books I’m currently reading.

On it were two fill-in-the-blank sentences with handwritten answers by, presumably, Becca—who wrote her name sideways in the bottom left corner of the paper.

The first sentence started with, “What I really admire about you is…” which was filled in with the following answer: “…how you care for your friends when their front teeth are missing :)”

The second sentence started with, “At work, you are great at…” which was filled in with, “…always having a warm and pleasant demeanor.”

…I’ll sometimes do this exercise in schools when giving a presentation where I ask the student audience if any of them have a best friend. Most will raise their hands. Then I’ll ask if any of them can tell me why that person is their best friend. What follows are usually things like:

• Is kind
• Is funny
• Is helpful
• Spends time with me
• Cheers me up when I’m sad
• Has the same interests as me
• And so on…

What’s worth pointing out in both of these above examples is what isn’t mentioned. Neither Becca nor ANY of the student body groups (I’ve spoken to so far) said anything about:

• Is rich
• Is (insta)famous
• Wears brand name clothes
• Never makes mistakes
• Has the freshest Nikes
• Has the newest iPhone
• And so on…

At the end of the day… what people remember about you isn’t what you bought, how well known you were, how “perfect” you were…

What they remember is your character, your personality, the actions you took…

…Don’t let List #2 make you forget it.

Yesterday, the number of people subscribed to my MoveMe Weekly newsletter and 1-Minute Insights daily email crossed 10k.

And what did I do to celebrate this milestone?

…I unsubscribed close to 4,000 of them.

…Why?

Because for the first time since I started collected emails for these newsletters (about 10 years ago), I decided to finally clean the list.

And by clean, I mean anyone who hasn’t opened an email from me in the last 6 months was unsubscribed.

…Obviously the newsletter and/or daily emails isn’t for them.

This worked out to be close to 4,000 people.

It was a humbling reminder (the gift to myself) that quality trumps quantity in this regard.

Why keep sending emails to people who obviously aren’t getting value from them? It’s a waste of space in their inbox and resources used to send.

Better to hyper focus on those who are opted in, engaged, and aligned with us on the journey forward.

…Both in newsletters and in life.

Today, some of my staff and I walked door-to-door in our local neighborhoods and dropped off flyers that said, “Help us to help those in need this holiday season. Leave a bag of non-perishable food on your porch and we’ll pick it up on Sunday by noon.”

During my walk, I had four encounters.

One was with a neighbor who swung the main door open not even two seconds after I closed the flyer into the screen door. He looked at me as if assessing the threat level, saw the flyer in the door, read it, nodded, and then just as quickly closed the door.

The second was with a Ring doorbell. After I closed the flyer into the door, it announced over its speaker, “YOU ARE ACTIVELY BEING RECORDED.” Kind of creepy… but I guess it wasn’t news.

The third was with two gentlemen who were sawing wood in their backyard. I walked up, smile on my face, and told them about the food drive. One didn’t acknowledge my existence at all. The other said “Okay” and pressed sharply on the buzz saw into the wood. I didn’t give them a flyer.

The final was at a house that had a car in front with two of its doors open. Just as I turned the corner of the house after leaving a flyer, I heard a voice yell, “HEY! HEY!! OYE!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” To which I calmly turned around, smiled, and told him. He was quite relieved.

I share this because, sheesh, maybe we need to go door-to-door MORE… for non-political/religious/salesy/sketchy reasons… and change the perception. Seeing a neighbor should lead to warmth… not closed fisted cold.