Category: Understanding Love

I donated blood today.

And for whatever reason, I was being short with my answers and quiet.

Sensing this, the guy doing the blood drawing didn’t try too hard to start a conversation, just was doing his job quietly and efficiently.

Right after he stuck the needle into my vein and the blood starting swirling down the tube out and away from my body, he asked me two simple questions:

1. “Is that a buddha?” —Referring to my tattoo. “No, it’s a reading warrior.” —And then continued to explain what it represented to me.
2. And “Are you reading anything good right now?” —An easy segue from the above discovery.

Which resulted in a fine conversation that lasted the rest of the appointment. He recommended several books to me and I to him.

The takeaway for me is to, yes, meet people where they are and if they’re being short with their answers and quiet—maybe don’t force the opposite kind of energy onto them. But, maybe don’t assume they’re in a bad mood or hate you. A few simple questions are always classy when interacting with unknown or sullen people.

I was reading an inner work reflection from a chronic talker.

She was saying that she’s the type who, if you let her, would talk your ear off all day.

But, after some careful inner work, what she realized is that a conversation in which people are talking, but not listening, is not really a conversation. And as much as she liked to talk, what she really wanted to do was connect.

…Which I think is why any of us talk.

It’s the following specific examples she gave that I thought were most interesting. She said:

• She talks about what she does because she craves appreciation and admiration—and she wants to inspire someone.
• She talks about what’s on her mind because she wants to know that she’s not alone—and wants to feel accepted and validated.
• She talks about what she knows because she wants to show that she has something to offer.

Talking for her is asking for attention, praise, acceptance, and love.

But, as mentioned at the beginning, talking isn’t always the way there.

What’s needed is listening. What’s needed is care. What’s needed is compassion.

I share this today for two reasons. One, so that you might better understand the talkers in your life and look more mindfully for ways to connect vs just converse with them. And two, so that you might reflect on your own need to talk and question the “why” behind it. Is saying what you want to say going to help you achieve what it is you’re really after? Or is it actually just an empty effort that’ll lead you astray?

A buddy of mine said to me, “Yeah, I’m going to have to plan another get together… because if I don’t do it then it won’t happen.”

…And isn’t this the truth for so many of us in life?

Unless, of course, you’re one of the lucky ones who has a “connection facilitator” in your life that does the inviting, planning, organizing, messaging, and hosting.

Which is essentially what I said back to this buddy of mine: They’re lucky to have you.

Because it takes courage and work and time to facilitate a successful gathering—even if it’s with good friends.

And if you’re one of the rare ones who’s doing this on a regular basis, and is swimming up against the societal norms of digital “connection” and screen time interactions—and is facilitating IRL meet ups and get togethers—thank you.

…You’re doing more for your community than you might ever truly know.

And if you’re not… an inner work prompt to reflect on is… what’s stopping you from becoming one?

I got to spend a lot of time talking to my instructor today.

Of everything we talked about: martial arts, business, strategy, travel, memories…

The thing that inspired me the most…

The thing he said almost as an afterthought at one point in the conversation…

Was a simple Sunday routine he’s been practicing for the past few months now.

He picks up his in-laws… who are in their 80s… one who is going to begin dialysis soon…

And he gets lunch with them and then… and this is the part that really inspired me…

…He said they’ll then drive to get lost.

And they’ll casually look at houses… explore scenes they’ve never seen before… or find a nice nature spot to sit and think… he said he never knows where they’ll end up… they just… go.

What an incredible thing to do.

Not just with 80 year old in-laws… but, with anybody you care about in general.

When it comes to time spent… remember… it’s never about the what… it’s always about the how.

When you have someone in your life who really wants to take care of you…

You not letting them because you think it’s taking care of them…

Is actually uncaring towards both of you.

Never become so infatuated with another that you forget to invest in yourself.

Intense passions coupled with self-ignorance is what makes for an infatuation and not a long-lasting relation.

Don’t you see it?

We are each one leg in any relationship.

You grow, you take a step.

I grow, I take a step.

This is how we move the relationship forward.

When one person does all the growing, the same leg steps over and over, pivoting on the other, turning the relationship in circles. Leading to circular conversations, circular days, circular experiences…

But, when both people do their own individual part… and they keep contributing back to the relationship regularly… the couple gets into a rhythm… and that rhythm is what leads to progress… which leads to a renewed motivation… which leads to longevity.

As contradictory as it might feel when you’re infatuated and completely obsessed with somebody in your life… learn how to give them distance… learn how to invest some of that excessive passionate energy back into yourself… learn how to come back to your person each time, ready to take the next step.

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P.s. ICYMI you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.