Category: Understanding Love

As a continuation from yesterday’s post, here are some ways you might be able to connect with the core of a person first in a world that prioritizes social hierarchy and status: (in no particular order):

• Give more gifts… think less in terms of transactions.
• Do more with art… do less with passive entertainment.
• Go where love goes (i.e. music festivals), not where hate goes (i.e. news / media).
• Less money on luxury and name brand… more money on experience and worldly travel.
• Don’t shy away from hard tasks/situations/questions… easy only ever reveals the superficial.
• Less time fighting the other national political side… more time volunteering at the local soup kitchen.
• Ask better questions: “What are your political beliefs?” vs “What charities do you love to support?”
• Rather than joining clubs based on status, (i.e. country clubs) join clubs that have nothing to do with status.
• “What do you do for a living?” Rather than job title/company/history/trajectory… try reason/feeling/vision/dream.
• Do more alone… together requires compromise and while there’s nothing wrong with that, there IS something wrong with never following your uncompromised soul.
• Take on a project and team up with people who are ready/willing to help problem solve… distance yourself from people who exacerbate problems and problem compile.
• And maybe most important, do the inner work and get to know who YOU ARE at your core first… because we can only ever meet people as deeply as we’ve met ourselves.

Inner work prompt: What would somebody have to do to connect with the core of who you are? How might they act? What might they say? Where might they be? …What situations/circumstances/experiences bring out the vulnerable, raw, real you?

Your lover—or the one whom you want to be your lover—is a butterfly.

Try and catch them with a net and they’ll instinctually flap away.

Trick them into a cage and they’ll definitely resent you.

Trapping, forcing, controlling should never be the goal…

Attracting is where your focus should be.

Create such an amazing space that the butterfly can’t help but flap curiously around you.

Radiate such warm and welcoming energy that the butterfly can’t help but feel drawn to you.

You—or the one whom you want to become—are a garden.

…And if you learn how to properly take care of yourself… and grow both on the inside and the out… your butterfly will choose—won’t be able to help but to choose—to keep coming back.

A co-worker shared a story with me today about the moment she knew she wanted her brother and his girlfriend to get married.

Both girls were out at a girl’s night chatting and she—the girlfriend—made the following comment about my co-worker’s brother:

“Whenever he’s driving and he makes a wrong turn… I don’t say anything. I just let him figure it out. I know we’ll eventually get where we’re meant to be… and keeping him calm and anxiety free on the way is more important to me than being right or correcting and stressing him out.”

…For some couples, wrong turns lead to something in the opposite direction of love.

…For others, you get to a point where you wonder if there even is a wrong turn for their love.

Once upon a time I decided to go to a music show alone.

While there, a random person saw me vibin’, asked if I came with anybody, grabbed my arm when I said “No,” dragged me around the packed venue filled with thousands of people until she finally found her people, and introduced me to them all.

We’ve all been friends ever since.

And that squad and I have gone to many other shows, have created countless memories, have rippled that same inclusive energy to hundreds of other strangers, expanded our squad beautifully, and are still making plans together today.

…All from that one random, happenstance initiative.

Three lessons come to mind from this story that popped into my brain today:

1. Don’t be afraid to do things alone. Go where you feel pulled to go—your people will be there, too. And if you don’t, you might never cross paths with who you were supposed to meet.
2. Always show up with intentionality. I don’t recommend dragging strangers by the arm who go places alone—it only worked because the vibe I was giving worked and she sensed it. And I allowed her to drag me because the opposite was true, too. I don’t know how to describe it, but your vibe attracts your tribe. It’s something you feel, you just have to intentionally show up with the vibe you want to attract… and follow the pull of your attraction.
3. Keep doing inner work. The deeper I continue to dig inside, the better things continue to get outside. At the forefront of which are the people I’m blessed to be connecting with at this stage of life.

An observation I feel most people overlook in today’s world: If you’ve given up on modern day connection mediums—be it social media, virtual communities, dating apps, etc—and feel lonely or disconnected more than ever in the supposed age of connection…

So, too, have the people you’d probably most want to connect with.

…Which means they’re most probably offline and doing things in the real world.

…Which means online isn’t where you’ll find them.

…Which means you need to revert back to “old-school” connection mediums if you’re going to find your people.

What am I talking about?

I’m talking about joining IRL communities (like a martial arts school), or learning a new skill alongside other curious minds (like rock climbing), or treating yourself to a night out featuring a performance or event that excites you (like a murder mystery interactive show) and simply aligning with a like-minded energy and being kind and having conversations.

These are the sorts of places where old-school connections are made.

You know… where it’s authenticity, quirks, and imperfections first…

The opposite of what’s made first in most of our digital worlds.

…Which is precisely the point.