Category: Understanding Love

You are so much more likely to find the love of your life while you’re in love with life.

Think about who you are when you’re in love…

Radiant. Energetic. Generous. Bold. Excited. Kind. Helpful. Cute. Funny…

And I suspect a lot of people mistakingly think they need to be in love with a person in order to express this elevated side of themselves.

But the truth is, you just need to be in love with life.

And if you can figure out what makes you come alive and express yourself in the above ways…

I suspect the love of your life will finally figure out that you’re the one they’ve been waiting / looking for.

Two of my friends have been butting heads recently.

And it’s for no reason other than their personalities clash. And even though they’ve been friends for years… they’ve also been evolving for years.

It’s nothing malicious… they just don’t agree on things… and feel more strongly about their opinions… and don’t understand why the other person misconstrues or misunderstands what they say and feel.

And here’s the thing: that’s okay.

Not all of your friends will be friends for life.

You will evolve. They will evolve.

You’ll slowly get pulled in the direction of your ever changing tastes and preferences and ideas and goals and unique circumstances.

…And so will they.

Sometimes, those directions stay aligned for a lifetime. And other times they stay aligned for a season or chapter of your life.

…And that’s okay.

There is a story of a little girl who got home from visiting her friend later than her mother had expected.

When her mother asked the reason for the delay, the child said, “I was helping Jane. Her doll broke.”

The mother asked, “Did you help her fix it?”

The child said, “No. I helped her cry.”

Don’t confuse helping with fixing.

Sometimes the best help is help with feeling.

This past Saturday was my sister’s last day working at a restaurant she’s been at for about a decade.

Seeing as though that restaurant had served as her work-home of sorts for so long, I saw it as a cause for celebration.

So I invited a bunch of family and friends to join me for a drink and in leaving her a nice tip on this celebratory day—an effort she had no idea about.

To both of our surprise, we had an almost unanimous turnout.

…And to the two-ish people who weren’t able to show, we made plans to have a drink and leave her a nice tip on the celebratory day of her working her first shift at the new place!

The thing about celebratory events… is that you really don’t need much of a cause to have one. In my experience, people love being invited to events… love getting out of their everyday normal… love engaging in celebration—regardless of the reason.

…There’s so much dread and pain and grief and horror and fear being slung at us daily that when we get gifted excitement and joy and positivity and honor and connection—it can feel like a literal cure.

What cause for celebration is present in your life right now?

A friend was telling me how he was struggling to find a friend group.

He has friends, he explained.

But only friends he felt he could hang out with separately—as individuals.

If befriending a group of people from those individual contexts isn’t an option (i.e. a work friends group or martial arts friend group)… then what I told him is to find common ground and initiate a low-risk gathering.

For example, is there a sport your various friends all like to play? Initiate and invite them to a pick-up game. At worst? You’ll all play a game you enjoy and can talk about the plays, the rules, the strategy, the cheating, the winning, the losing, the after party…

Or maybe there’s a creative outlet you all fancy? Initiate and invite them to a dance class event. At worst? You’ll all exert energy in a way you enjoy and can talk about the steps, the turns, the how-did-she-do-thats, the wow-did-you-see-thats, the two-left-feet people, and the smooth steppers…

Or maybe you’re more old school and want to try it the way it has happened for thousands of years? Initiate and invite them to a gathering of food or a fire. At worst? You’ll all eat or warm your bodies.

…At best? You’ll all nourish and warm your souls.

My favorite conversation from the weekend was one that wasn’t planned.

I saw one of our martial arts school’s students perform in a standout way… and I saw his mom sitting alone.

I went up to her and simply remarked on the performance and then intentionally lingered around after the initial comment and went back-and-forth with her for a while—even after some prolonged pauses.

We talked about her son, his character, and his future. We then talked out our futures, our travel history and plans, and our ideas around retirement. We then did a deep dive and talked about Africa, Burning Man, and ways society could be improved…

All because of that one intention I lead with… and that was to linger. Not if it made it awkward, but if it made the conversation progress. And it did.

It was a totally impromptu decision that worked out as well as it did because of the inner work I’ve done around the topic of conversation before.

If you go in with a script or a list of questions or a designated plan… or feel like you need one of the above… you might miss the magic of a great conversation.

If you lead with the right intention, however, and trust… and linger… you might start to see magic pop into your life more and more…