Category: Transforming Pain

A Friend’s Brother Passed Away Over The Weekend

Published on September 22, 2025

When his wife texted me about it, I offered my condolences and told her not to hesitate about reaching out if there’s anything I could do.

She replied in a way nobody has ever replied to this sentiment before.

She said, “Thank you! If you have time to stop by our house and just sit with him for a while that would mean a lot. We are here all weekend.”

And so I did.

And let me tell you, it felt like the best thing I could’ve done.

…Better than cards, flowers, or heartfelt text messages—not that there’s anything wrong with these.

…It’s just to say presence is one of the—if not the—best forms of support during indescribably hard times.

The Ripples Of Help

Published on September 8, 2025

Yesterday, I mentioned how during periods of prolonged rain (at Burning Man), people went out of their way to gift those who were struggling.

Let me share a story with you as an example.

Towards the end of one of the worst periods of rain, as my RV-mates and I finished our umpteenth game of rummy, I peeked my head out of the side door to look for signs of life.

There was some really great music playing somewhere in the vicinity, there was murmuring and rustling in the nearby tents, and—what really caught my eye—our camp’s bar appeared to be open. The lights were on, the curtains were pulled back, and there was movement.

Letting my curiosity take hold, I called it quits for rummy and placed my bare feet into the cold, sludgy, cement-mix-like ground and trekked towards the bar.

When I got there, I found one of my campmates walking drinks to passerby burners and offering them a place to rest before they finished the rest of their journey back to camp.

The gratitude on their faces at the sight of a drink and a chair, after having traveled much too far in the exponentially-more-difficult-rained-on-terrain—was inspirational.

Needless to say, I jumped on board and helped how I could—And did so for a while into the night.

…But, you know who it was helping just as much as anybody who was passing by, exhausted and demoralized? …Us.

It was helping us get through the misery of the weather and it brought all of us closer together.

…It was a beautiful reminder that helping is never just about the one on the receiving end.

Why Do Anything Hard Ever?

Published on September 8, 2025

The start of Burning Man was rough.

There were record breaking wind storms that wreaked havoc, and in many cases, completely ruined people’s camp and art installation setups.

There were rain storms that turned the ground into a feeling of cement mix and halted all travel in any direction for hours and hours on end.

And because of the above, there were unprecedented delays that left burners stranded in the entry line, in their vehicles, for in some cases, 21+ hours—and this was after having driven 6, 8, 12 hours to get into that line.

Burners had to build camp not once—which is already labor intensive and taxing enough as is—but twice because of the above mentioned ordeals, on very little sleep, all well before anything of the event itself could be experienced.

…So, why the heck do it?

Because during those record breaking wind storms, people came together to fight back.

During the periods of prolonged rain, people went out of their way to gift those who were struggling.

When the camp had to be torn down, the team not only did that, but built it back up better and stronger than before.

…Why do anything hard?

Because nothing worthwhile comes easily.

If Burning Man was “plug-and-play” and all people had to do was show up to five star campsites and well paved roads… to perfect weather via seamless flows… without any obstacle or issue or concern…

…Then there wouldn’t be any coming together, no triumph, no victory, no down-and-dirty, no reward.

So much of what makes the reward so rewarding is the challenge and adversity that had to be overcome along the way.

“MEDITATE!”

Published on July 14, 2025

A student in the martial arts school I teach at was having a complete meltdown in the lobby the other day.

I was in an office doing paperwork when I heard, “Let me GO!” “Let ME GO!!” LET ME GO!!!”

What was happening was this child’s mom had to leave him at the school with his uncle because she had an appointment—and he did NOT want her to go.

I gathered both the student and the uncle into my office so the mom could leave.

Once there, the uncle—who was very compassionate and well-intentioned—was matching the child’s temper-tantrum with flustered, emotional energy as he offered suggestions for calming down: “It’s going to be okay!” “You’ll see MOM LATER!!” “TRY YOUR MEDITATION!!”

Seeing that this was only feeding the tantrum, I asked the uncle to leave so I could work with him individually.

Once gone, all I did was sit in front of the door (so he couldn’t chase mom into the parking lot), legs crossed in half-lotus, and… meditated.

Here’s what happened:

His temper-tantrum slowly burned out.
He sat quietly in his chair with his upset face on for a while.
And after about 20 minutes, asked me, “…Now what?”

And I said, now we get you some water, walk you into class to either watch or participate, and you go home to see mom so y’all can hear about each other’s days.

And that’s exactly what happened.

See, the uncle was right—meditation was a fantastic idea (especially if it was something I intuited they had done/been working on).

All I did was model meditation instead of insisting he “MEDITATE!” while in a flustered state.

I Hiked The 1984 Olympic Luge Track

Published on July 9, 2025

One of the highlights of my trip to Bosnia was a hike that allowed you to walk inside the bobsleigh and luge track that’s situated on Trebević mountain overlooking the City of Sarajevo, built for the 1984 Winter Olympics.

The track was about a mile long, had about a 10% grade incline, and 13 turns. It cost about $8,500,000 USD (563,209,000 YUD) to construct in 1981 and took a little over one year to complete. It’s still mostly in tact today, even after the Yugoslav and Bosnian Wars, and has become an incredible relic and spectacle for modern day explorers.

Today, it’s filled with overgrowth and graffiti and provides a fascinating backdrop for hikers that contrasts beautiful green natural scenery with massive concrete track slabs that are filled with colorful and vibrantly sprayed artistic expressions and images.

As I was walking down the massive track, feeling the quality of the concrete under my feet, imagining the effort that went into the track’s development, visualizing the incredible experience thousands of people had as a result of its realization… I couldn’t help but wonder, what else could we have created by now if we didn’t spend so much time, energy, effort, and money trying to destroy, conquer, and steal…

When Hit With Stone… Hit Back With… Bread?

Published on July 4, 2025

A local born and raised Bosnian was telling me that a common Bosnian mentality is: When hit with stone, hit back with bread.

The idea being similar to the one Mahatma Gandhi is commonly attributed to saying: An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

But what this local Bosnian continued with was: “…But don’t let forgiveness and kindness lead to naiveté and vulnerability.”

Because the man who goes around making people blind, without any remorse, care, or heed needs to be confronted, challenged, and held accountable.

Bosnia is an unbelievably beautiful place. And since I’ve arrived, every single Bosnian I’ve met has hit me with bread. And more bread. And even after I was full—more bread after that. The hospitality is unmatched.

One thing you’ll notice about the city, however, is that there are still architectural “scars” scattered throughout from a time when they were hit with stone… and then barraged with stone during the Bosnian War.

…Abandoned buildings with bullet holes standing next to fully renovated apartments. Modern restaurants sitting under structures that have massive holes from bombings. Once beautifully designed, impressive feats of architectural ingenuity and creativity, stand ruined… behind vine-filled fences… right in the heart of the city.

Why are they still there and not torn down, fully renovated, or at least patched up so as not to be on display for all to see?

I can’t know all the factors, but at the very least I suspect they’re there because scars are meant to serve as reminders.

…That maybe when someone hits you with stone, you do your due diligence before you hit them back with bread.

Can You Hear What I’m Not Saying?

Published on June 11, 2025

I have a student who will often say she’s lazy.

Yet, she shows up consistently to class and works hard while she’s training.

She’ll frequently talk about how she’s “not good.”

Yet, she has close to full splits, is quite strong, and is getting better and better martial coordination after each class.

She’ll even bring up times when she “failed” or talk about her struggles to illustrate her points.

Yet, she competes in most tournaments, completes every belt test with stand out performances, and gets extra training in whenever she can.

It’s in situations like these that you have to listen to what the student is really saying.

…Because her words aren’t saying it.

If you pay close enough attention, what you might realize is that with all people, what they do and how they act speaks way louder than anything they say.