Category: Transforming Pain

Smothering Passion(s) With Dollar Signs

Published on September 15, 2024

My aunt loves sewing.

She loves it so much that she bought a ~$10,000 sewing machine.

And she uses it for every penny she invested into it.

She’ll quilt. She’ll create apparel and gifts. She’ll even create quilted artwork.

When I asked her if she wanted to earn some side hustle money by helping sew patches onto students’ uniforms for the martial arts school I work at… she quickly (and graciously) turned the idea down.

“As soon as I start doing it as a job, I’m going to hate it.” She explained.

And so she doesn’t.

Instead, she follows her curiosities. She challenges herself with interesting projects. She even finds ways to use her unique set of skills to help better the world around her.

Just today, she gave me container with 20 hand made toiletry bags that she wants to fill with toiletries and give to those at local women’s shelters.

Here’s the thing: turning our skills and passion-projects into side hustles can be great… but it can also ruin the thing that lights you up.

Like my aunt, tread that line carefully and dutifully check in with yourself to ensure you’re always fanning the flames of your inner fire—never smothering them with dollar signs or anything else.

Don’t Bury Your Head In The Sand

Published on August 3, 2024

One common rebuttal to joy, optimism, and positivity is, “but there’s so much suffering, injustice, and hate—how could you?”

But, this same logic can be used to argue the inverse: “But there’s so much light, beauty, and love—how could you feel sad, anxious, and hateful?”

What’s important is simply not to live in only one world or the other; to not bury your head in the sand towards any of the sides.

What’s important is to help alleviate the suffering, act against injustice, and deploy the opposite of hate… while also soaking in the plentiful light, admiring all the world’s beauty, and allowing yourself to feel and express love.

What’s important is to remain present, open-hearted, and brave. To not become so overly immersed in only one aspect of the world that you can no longer see the opposite. Because the one aspect helps deepen the appreciation and understanding of the other just as the other helps build the same for the one.

Lean into it all. Don’t bury your head in the sand. Life is found throughout.

My Divorced Parents Are… In A Band?

Published on July 31, 2024

After getting divorced when I was around 11 years old and both having gotten remarried, my mom and my dad announced this week that they’re playing together in a band, at what’s going to be their official public debut, on my birthday, this month.

To add a little more context, my parents were in a folk band with several other friends when I was a child, that slowly fell apart as life happened to the band mates. Fast forward to around two decades after their divorce, and my dad reached out to my mom to see if she wanted to join a little band practice thing he started in his basement with a few other friends. She eventually agreed. The band grew. The practices continued and the sound kept improving. And now, today, they’re ready to share what they’ve created with the public and jam again.

The reason I share this with you is to remind you that when you can confront your pains, learn to forgive and find common ground, evolve/grow, and lead with compassion and understanding… you get to move on and do other things with your life. Things that don’t revolve around the ruins of the past, but feature new growth that sprouts into the future.

P.s. This is their announcement poster and band name (lol).

The Signal Of The Pain

Published on July 25, 2024

In reply to my recent post on pain, a reader asked, “I think you were talking more about metaphorical pain, but in regards to physical pain I’m curious what your thoughts are. If I play basketball and my feet hurt, as long as it’s within reason, the solution is to play more basketball. What do you think? Is the pain the solution?”

My response: It might not always be as simple as keep playing basketball—although it could be.

I look at physical pain as a signal. A signal that’s trying to show me something about either my body or the thing I exposed my body to.

When I would run, I would often get spasms in my neck/shoulder area. That was a signal that my neck/shoulders needed more stretching—both before the run and as an ongoing preventive measure.

If I would workout and it caused excessive soreness… it was a signal that the muscle was intensely challenged and needed more attention/reps to be built up.

If an exercise caused injury, however, then a deeper exploration was needed. Deadlift, for example, is an exercise I had to remove from my routine altogether. I would repeatedly throw out my back regardless of how clean my technique was. This was a signal that I just had an injury-prone lower back and deadlift wasn’t appropriate for me. So, I opted for bodyweight and light/moderate resistance exercises instead.

And so, yes, I would still say the cure for the pain is in the pain—not to say we keep doing the same things blindly—but because it’s only by exploring and interpreting the signal of the pain that we can determine the appropriate path forward.

Lean Into It

Published on July 23, 2024

I shared a quote the other day to MoveMe Quotes that said, “The cure for pain is in the pain” by Rumi and commented, “Lean into it.”

To which someone replied, “What a load o shite. Lean into it? Really? Pain ain’t a Tug o war team. For some, it’s unbearable. Don’t lean into it. Get help!”

To which I replied, “Getting help nicely aligns with leaning into it. The point is simply not to avoid it/ suppress it/ run from it/ drown it in distractions, drugs, desires, etc.”

“Lean into it” is an expression I’m quite fond of in regards to this topic.

It implies a humble and aligned confrontation with the uncomfortable that isn’t forced, rash, or too intense.

It implies a calm courage that’s ready deal with whatever has been causing the pain… without haste—which further implies a willingness to persevere for the long haul (not being in a hurry is an excellent sign that you’re committed to the process).

…Because pain isn’t something that’s just cured and then gone from your life. Pain is something you have to keep leaning into. Something you keep confronting. Something you keep displaying a calm courage towards… not with the expectation of curing or solving it… but, with the expectation of understanding it, better managing it, and not exasperating it.

The cure for pain is in the pain.

…But maybe not all at once. Maybe by just a little bit after each session.

P.s. Have these 1-minute insights impacted you? You can support the efforts here :)

The Modern Day Chicken Or Egg…

Published on June 28, 2024

When it comes to building an online business, what comes first, the product or the audience?

…Which feels a lot like what came first, the chicken or the egg? And I have no idea how to answer that one.

But, when it comes to the former question, build your audience first, and you’ll more likely appeal to a general demographic that has a more broad taste in product. Plus, you’ll probably be more focused on trends, fads, and broad appeal (for virality probability) which, by definition, will only grow your more general following. And when you try to build a general product to appeal to that general audience, it’ll invariably blend in with the countless others.

Build your product first, and you’ll have a much better idea of who you want to target for your audience. Plus, when you build your product first, you get to build it for you. My opinion is that the internet is incomprehensibly massive and there’s undoubtedly a niche of people who would love your product—once you know what it is and invest the time and energy required to build it beautifully and pack it with value.

What we don’t need are more general products that appeal to general audiences. What we need are people who have done the inner work and have come alive inside to create a product that they themselves would be thrilled to buy, that they can then start telling their (specific) people about.

The product, in my opinion, should come first.

P.s. These are the two products I’ve built so far. Number three is on its way. :)

Inner Work Based On Weather

Published on June 15, 2024

Landscaping today, I got to thinking about how certain tasks are easier after it has been dry for a few days (e.g. mowing the lawn) and how others are easier after it has been wet (e.g. digging).

It would be counterproductive to try and mow on wet days and dig on dry ones.

It would be much better to align the tasks you’re trying to do with the weather you’re in.

…As it is with inner work.

When things are happy… when you’re immersed in an adventure… when you’re enjoying quality time with friends or family… maybe that isn’t the best time to dig. Maybe that’s the time to let the branches of your happiness stretch as high as your presence will allow.

When things are sad… when you’re heavy in your feels… when you’re grieving the loss of a loved one… maybe that isn’t the best time to try and stretch your happiness (by suppressing those heavier emotions)… maybe that’s the time to let the roots of your sadness dig as deep into your feels as your presence will allow.

Digging when you’re happy and stretching your branches when you’re sad are possible… just like mowing the lawn when it’s wet and digging when it’s dry is possible… but, aligning with the weather and season you’re in might make for a much more productive use of time.

Inner work prompt: What season are you in? How can you align your present efforts to maximize that current experience?