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Category: Transforming Pain

The Signal Of The Pain

In reply to my recent post on pain, a reader asked, “I think you were talking more about metaphorical pain, but in regards to physical pain I’m curious what your thoughts are. If I play basketball and my feet hurt, as long as it’s within reason, the solution is to play more basketball. What do you think? Is the pain the solution?”

My response: It might not always be as simple as keep playing basketball—although it could be.

I look at physical pain as a signal. A signal that’s trying to show me something about either my body or the thing I exposed my body to.

When I would run, I would often get spasms in my neck/shoulder area. That was a signal that my neck/shoulders needed more stretching—both before the run and as an ongoing preventive measure.

If I would workout and it caused excessive soreness… it was a signal that the muscle was intensely challenged and needed more attention/reps to be built up.

If an exercise caused injury, however, then a deeper exploration was needed. Deadlift, for example, is an exercise I had to remove from my routine altogether. I would repeatedly throw out my back regardless of how clean my technique was. This was a signal that I just had an injury-prone lower back and deadlift wasn’t appropriate for me. So, I opted for bodyweight and light/moderate resistance exercises instead.

And so, yes, I would still say the cure for the pain is in the pain—not to say we keep doing the same things blindly—but because it’s only by exploring and interpreting the signal of the pain that we can determine the appropriate path forward.

Lean Into It

I shared a quote the other day to MoveMe Quotes that said, “The cure for pain is in the pain” by Rumi and commented, “Lean into it.”

To which someone replied, “What a load o shite. Lean into it? Really? Pain ain’t a Tug o war team. For some, it’s unbearable. Don’t lean into it. Get help!”

To which I replied, “Getting help nicely aligns with leaning into it. The point is simply not to avoid it/ suppress it/ run from it/ drown it in distractions, drugs, desires, etc.”

“Lean into it” is an expression I’m quite fond of in regards to this topic.

It implies a humble and aligned confrontation with the uncomfortable that isn’t forced, rash, or too intense.

It implies a calm courage that’s ready deal with whatever has been causing the pain… without haste—which further implies a willingness to persevere for the long haul (not being in a hurry is an excellent sign that you’re committed to the process).

…Because pain isn’t something that’s just cured and then gone from your life. Pain is something you have to keep leaning into. Something you keep confronting. Something you keep displaying a calm courage towards… not with the expectation of curing or solving it… but, with the expectation of understanding it, better managing it, and not exasperating it.

The cure for pain is in the pain.

…But maybe not all at once. Maybe by just a little bit after each session.


P.s. Have these 1-minute insights impacted you? You can support the efforts here :)

The Modern Day Chicken Or Egg…

When it comes to building an online business, what comes first, the product or the audience?

…Which feels a lot like what came first, the chicken or the egg? And I have no idea how to answer that one.

But, when it comes to the former question, build your audience first, and you’ll more likely appeal to a general demographic that has a more broad taste in product. Plus, you’ll probably be more focused on trends, fads, and broad appeal (for virality probability) which, by definition, will only grow your more general following. And when you try to build a general product to appeal to that general audience, it’ll invariably blend in with the countless others.

Build your product first, and you’ll have a much better idea of who you want to target for your audience. Plus, when you build your product first, you get to build it for you. My opinion is that the internet is incomprehensibly massive and there’s undoubtedly a niche of people who would love your product—once you know what it is and invest the time and energy required to build it beautifully and pack it with value.

What we don’t need are more general products that appeal to general audiences. What we need are people who have done the inner work and have come alive inside to create a product that they themselves would be thrilled to buy, that they can then start telling their (specific) people about.

The product, in my opinion, should come first.


P.s. These are the two products I’ve built so far. Number three is on its way. :)

Inner Work Based On Weather

Landscaping today, I got to thinking about how certain tasks are easier after it has been dry for a few days (e.g. mowing the lawn) and how others are easier after it has been wet (e.g. digging).

It would be counterproductive to try and mow on wet days and dig on dry ones.

It would be much better to align the tasks you’re trying to do with the weather you’re in.

…As it is with inner work.

When things are happy… when you’re immersed in an adventure… when you’re enjoying quality time with friends or family… maybe that isn’t the best time to dig. Maybe that’s the time to let the branches of your happiness stretch as high as your presence will allow.

When things are sad… when you’re heavy in your feels… when you’re grieving the loss of a loved one… maybe that isn’t the best time to try and stretch your happiness (by suppressing those heavier emotions)… maybe that’s the time to let the roots of your sadness dig as deep into your feels as your presence will allow.

Digging when you’re happy and stretching your branches when you’re sad are possible… just like mowing the lawn when it’s wet and digging when it’s dry is possible… but, aligning with the weather and season you’re in might make for a much more productive use of time.


Inner work prompt: What season are you in? How can you align your present efforts to maximize that current experience?

Order Matters

I can get into a flow state for writing much quicker when I follow my normal routine of inspirational primers (uploading quotes from various sources to MMQ) → nap → coffee → write.

It’s much harder to get into a flow state for writing when I do something more like I did today which was inspirational primers → nap → coffee → look up flights → search for cool EDM concerts → playfully imagine fun vay-and-day-cation itineraries → write.

Those added variables of flight, concert, and trip planning would have been MUCH better inserted at the end of the writing session. Because it doesn’t take any priming, focus, or discipline to playfully do trip planning. It’s fun and automatic.

Writing, however, requires each of the above in sacred measure, proper order, and more.

Otherwise, at least for me, my Muse feels betrayed… overlooked… ignored… and will require copious amounts priming, attention, and discipline (aka blank page staring), due in full, to make up for it.

Order matters.


P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Maybe Fighting Isn’t The Answer

A mother of one of my martial arts students was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

…Yet, seeing her in person, you’d never know.

She’s vibrant, she’s warm, she’s smiling, she’s taking care of her 7-year-old son’s needs without so much as a single complaint (that I ever hear)… and she’s even DJing on some weekends.

At first glance, some might see this as being possible denial. A possible refusal to acknowledge the diagnosis so the pain or reality isn’t felt. A possible toxic positivity, some might say, to focus exclusively on the good while ignoring fully the bad.

…But, this isn’t the case with this mother at all.

After further inspection and conversation, the vibrance and warmth she’s emitting isn’t coming from denial… but from a refusal to fight.

Which might sound confusing… refusing to fight a cancer diagnosis?!

The idea, she explained on her GoFundMe page, came from the admin of Love Your Cancer Free Life group. He said: “When you fight, it fights back. Rather than fight, accept.”

Obviously he doesn’t mean to just roll over and play dead.” Lisa explains.

“…It’s more about not feeding into the story that everyone is told about how cancer should look and feel. What he means is come to peace with its presence and accept the need to respond for change.”

She then continued to quote the admin saying, “Fighting is a reaction. Acceptance is a response. Taking authentic action, not reaction, to create the change needed for healing. Stop putting energy into the fight and start placing energy in your POWER for healing.”

…Something we might consider doing in the “fights” of our lives, too.

Absolutely Devastating

Today a student of mine came to the school with watery eyes and a quivering lip.

He stood in my office for a few moments gathering himself before he told me that a 6 year old girl died after being hit by a car as she was crossing the street. He said that she crossed from behind a parked car and couldn’t have been seen until it was too late… And that he saw the aftermath of it all as it was just down the street from his home.

I simply can’t fathom what must be going on in the minds of the family, friends, and driver.

…Is this our fault? Should we have taught her to cross the street more safely?!

…If only I had been driving slower and more cautiously.

…Why did this have to happen?!?!?

It’s absolutely devastating all around.

And the reason for passing this devastation forward is to offer you the opportunity that the people mentioned above would do anything to have… the opportunity to have that careful conversation with your kids/loved ones… to drive more slowly and cautiously (and to never forget the potential cost of rushing)… to hug your little ones/ big ones a little extra tight while they’re still here…

Life is so damn fragile, y’all.