Category: Transforming Pain

The Modern Day Chicken Or Egg…

Published on June 28, 2024

When it comes to building an online business, what comes first, the product or the audience?

…Which feels a lot like what came first, the chicken or the egg? And I have no idea how to answer that one.

But, when it comes to the former question, build your audience first, and you’ll more likely appeal to a general demographic that has a more broad taste in product. Plus, you’ll probably be more focused on trends, fads, and broad appeal (for virality probability) which, by definition, will only grow your more general following. And when you try to build a general product to appeal to that general audience, it’ll invariably blend in with the countless others.

Build your product first, and you’ll have a much better idea of who you want to target for your audience. Plus, when you build your product first, you get to build it for you. My opinion is that the internet is incomprehensibly massive and there’s undoubtedly a niche of people who would love your product—once you know what it is and invest the time and energy required to build it beautifully and pack it with value.

What we don’t need are more general products that appeal to general audiences. What we need are people who have done the inner work and have come alive inside to create a product that they themselves would be thrilled to buy, that they can then start telling their (specific) people about.

The product, in my opinion, should come first.

P.s. These are the two products I’ve built so far. Number three is on its way. :)

Inner Work Based On Weather

Published on June 15, 2024

Landscaping today, I got to thinking about how certain tasks are easier after it has been dry for a few days (e.g. mowing the lawn) and how others are easier after it has been wet (e.g. digging).

It would be counterproductive to try and mow on wet days and dig on dry ones.

It would be much better to align the tasks you’re trying to do with the weather you’re in.

…As it is with inner work.

When things are happy… when you’re immersed in an adventure… when you’re enjoying quality time with friends or family… maybe that isn’t the best time to dig. Maybe that’s the time to let the branches of your happiness stretch as high as your presence will allow.

When things are sad… when you’re heavy in your feels… when you’re grieving the loss of a loved one… maybe that isn’t the best time to try and stretch your happiness (by suppressing those heavier emotions)… maybe that’s the time to let the roots of your sadness dig as deep into your feels as your presence will allow.

Digging when you’re happy and stretching your branches when you’re sad are possible… just like mowing the lawn when it’s wet and digging when it’s dry is possible… but, aligning with the weather and season you’re in might make for a much more productive use of time.

Inner work prompt: What season are you in? How can you align your present efforts to maximize that current experience?

Order Matters

Published on June 13, 2024

I can get into a flow state for writing much quicker when I follow my normal routine of inspirational primers (uploading quotes from various sources to MMQ) → nap → coffee → write.

It’s much harder to get into a flow state for writing when I do something more like I did today which was inspirational primers → nap → coffee → look up flights → search for cool EDM concerts → playfully imagine fun vay-and-day-cation itineraries → write.

Those added variables of flight, concert, and trip planning would have been MUCH better inserted at the end of the writing session. Because it doesn’t take any priming, focus, or discipline to playfully do trip planning. It’s fun and automatic.

Writing, however, requires each of the above in sacred measure, proper order, and more.

Otherwise, at least for me, my Muse feels betrayed… overlooked… ignored… and will require copious amounts priming, attention, and discipline (aka blank page staring), due in full, to make up for it.

Order matters.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Maybe Fighting Isn’t The Answer

Published on June 5, 2024

A mother of one of my martial arts students was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

…Yet, seeing her in person, you’d never know.

She’s vibrant, she’s warm, she’s smiling, she’s taking care of her 7-year-old son’s needs without so much as a single complaint (that I ever hear)… and she’s even DJing on some weekends.

At first glance, some might see this as being possible denial. A possible refusal to acknowledge the diagnosis so the pain or reality isn’t felt. A possible toxic positivity, some might say, to focus exclusively on the good while ignoring fully the bad.

…But, this isn’t the case with this mother at all.

After further inspection and conversation, the vibrance and warmth she’s emitting isn’t coming from denial… but from a refusal to fight.

Which might sound confusing… refusing to fight a cancer diagnosis?!

The idea, she explained on her GoFundMe page, came from the admin of Love Your Cancer Free Life group. He said: “When you fight, it fights back. Rather than fight, accept.”

“Obviously he doesn’t mean to just roll over and play dead.” Lisa explains.

“…It’s more about not feeding into the story that everyone is told about how cancer should look and feel. What he means is come to peace with its presence and accept the need to respond for change.”

She then continued to quote the admin saying, “Fighting is a reaction. Acceptance is a response. Taking authentic action, not reaction, to create the change needed for healing. Stop putting energy into the fight and start placing energy in your POWER for healing.”

…Something we might consider doing in the “fights” of our lives, too.

Absolutely Devastating

Published on May 28, 2024

Today a student of mine came to the school with watery eyes and a quivering lip.

He stood in my office for a few moments gathering himself before he told me that a 6 year old girl died after being hit by a car as she was crossing the street. He said that she crossed from behind a parked car and couldn’t have been seen until it was too late… And that he saw the aftermath of it all as it was just down the street from his home.

I simply can’t fathom what must be going on in the minds of the family, friends, and driver.

…Is this our fault? Should we have taught her to cross the street more safely?!

…If only I had been driving slower and more cautiously.

…Why did this have to happen?!?!?

It’s absolutely devastating all around.

And the reason for passing this devastation forward is to offer you the opportunity that the people mentioned above would do anything to have… the opportunity to have that careful conversation with your kids/loved ones… to drive more slowly and cautiously (and to never forget the potential cost of rushing)… to hug your little ones/ big ones a little extra tight while they’re still here…

Life is so damn fragile, y’all.

On Feeling Empty Inside

Published on May 25, 2024

I finished uploading quotes from The Prophet today (you can read my 18 favorites here).

My overall favorite is one that echoes an idea I got tattooed on my arm—which is of a majestic exposed roots tree that reminds me that the branches of happiness can only go as high as the roots of sadness go deep. The line from The Prophet goes:

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”
Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet (Page 27)

…Which, I found to be another powerful, analogous way to look at and move through sorrow. Because it really does feel like a carving away at your being… which I think is where the descriptions of feeling “empty” or “hollow” or “dead” inside might come from.

But, with that emptiness… with that space… comes a future opportunity.

And it may not happen that day nor may it happen a week or a month after. But, eventually, that space that was carved from sorrow can become precisely the vessel needed to contain more of the opposite… more joy… more wonder… more love… and quite possibly even more than you had room to carry (or could fully appreciate) before.

Human Reboots

Published on May 23, 2024

It’s human to want to shut down after a painful experience.

It’s almost as though the magnitude of open processes that hard times bring forth can cause an overwhelm that throttles our internal ability to get anything/everything else done—like how a computer creeps to a halt when we have too many applications, tabs, and background processes open.

…What you can usually do automatically you can’t even get started on; what usually takes ten minutes suddenly takes an hour; what usually feels fun and easygoing feels frustratingly heavy and obligatory.

What’s important during times like this is to recognize the situation for what it is—a time when your system needs to reboot.

…Because trudging onward when your mind is spinning that rainbow-thinking-wheel-of-death isn’t to choose onward at all—it’s completely counterproductive.

What’s needed is a reset. What’s needed is time and space to power down. What’s needed is a clearing of everything that’s already open in the mind—not a stubborn press forward that only continues to open (and throttle) more and more.