Skip to content

Category: Transforming Pain

The Freedom To Feel

Published on December 12, 2021

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Dr. Seuss

To which I would change to:

Cry if you feel to, smile at the wholeness of what happened.

Not as catchy, I admit. But, worth considering.

Telling yourself not to cry—to not acknowledge the weight of a hard situation is to reject a key component of any given experience.

Only focusing on the smiles will limit depth. Only focusing on depth will limit smiles. It’s the whole experience—the entirety of the human experience—that we should be after.

Allow yourself to flow freely between both—and all.

The Weight Of Heaviness

Published on December 6, 2021

Heaviness doesn’t get lighter with time—it gets heavier.

You might try to trick your mind into ignoring, suppressing, or avoiding its heaviness—but that doesn’t change it’s weight. It only increases the time you’re holding it for.

Which, counterproductively, makes it heavier.

This all might sound relatively straightforward, but what about what weighs on your mind?

Hard conversations might be avoided, but they carry on within your mind—until they’re finally had.

Trauma might be suppressed, but only to the pit of your stomach—until it’s finally given the attention it needs.

You might cleverly distract your mind from facing your toughest problems, but as soon as you’re no longer distracted, there they are.

Want to lighten your load? Face the heaviness. Have the hard conversation. Confront the trauma. Face the tough problems.

It takes a lot of energy to carry around heavy shit.

But, when you face it, while it might be heavy upfront, you can finally free yourself from the increased heaviness that comes with time.

For good.

You’ve Been Hacked

Published on December 4, 2021

My friend’s Instagram got hacked.

She had 27k followers.

Then, get this, the hackers messaged her on WhatsApp asking for a ransom.

There are people out there who actually do this.

This is simply to say:

  • Protect your accounts
  • Never give out passwords
  • Choose extra security options

Pretend like all of your accounts just got hacked and you lost everything you’ve built.

You lost all of your connections and you had no way of communicating with anyone on social media.

If you really want to feel that reality, delete all social media apps on your phone for the next week.

See how it feels.

Then, imagine you finally got them back after a ton of back-and-forth and pain-in-the-butt customer service interactions.

What steps would you take to prevent that from ever happening again?

Do that now.

Hustle Without Mental Health

Published on December 2, 2021

Hustle without mental health is self-hate.

Did that feel too aggressive?

If it did, then I’m speaking to you.

Because anyone who argues in favor of hustle at the expense of mental health is arguing for what exactly?

  • Inclined feelings of sadness, anxiety, and helplessness?
  • Confused thinking and reduced ability to concentrate?
  • Exasperated feelings of fear, shame, or guilt?
  • Constant exhaustion and low drive to get things done?
  • A sense to withdraw from family, friends, and loved ones?
  • Detachment from reality and inability to cope with problems/ stress?

And how exactly does any of that help with hustle?

It doesn’t.

More importantly, it doesn’t help anyone or anything that’s involved with that person’s life—least of all, the person themselves.

And by ignoring this—yes, they’re choosing to commit an act of self-hate. Because self-love doesn’t ignore signs/calls for help.

Take care of yourself, first. Spend time inspecting the state of your mental wellbeing. Listen to what your body is telling you—and respond.

Hustle can wait. Your mental health can’t.

“I’m Fine.”

Published on November 20, 2021

First sign that you’re suppressing emotions?

“I’m fine.”

…When you’re not.

Let’s normalize saying how you *actually* feel when someone asks how you’re doing.

Gas-Guzzling Thoughts

Published on October 25, 2021

Various thoughts consume various amounts of mental energy.

Deep, intense, painful thoughts consume a lot.

Superficial, light, fleeting thoughts consume a little.

If you don’t deal with the gas-guzzling thoughts, you’ll be left feeling constantly exhausted.

And, maybe better put, if you constantly feel exhausted, maybe it’s precisely because you haven’t dealt with the gas-guzzling thoughts.

Your Most Powerful Energy Source

Published on October 19, 2021

Emotionally charged energy is amongst the most powerful sources of energy for a human there is.

Think about the energy of a mom when she’s protecting her child’s life, or the lover after they’ve experienced heartbreak, or even a friend when they see a ref make a bad call during a sports game.

It’s during some of our most emotional moments when we are filled with some of our most potent, raw sources of energy.

What matters isn’t where it comes from—whether from perceptively positive or negative emotions—but how we choose to channel and express it.

Choose a constructive outlet and it can fuel the erection of an entire city.

Choose a destructive outlet and it can level the likes of an entire city.

The worst thing you can do is give it no outlet.

For energy left to pressurize without any source of release has but one, ultimate fate: explosion.

And what a tragedy for destruction to come from the energy that could have created so much for so many.

This post became the afterword for: A Short Story About Frida Kahlo And The Unexpected Gifts Pain Can Provide [Excerpt]