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Category: Thinking Clearly

Making Frustrations Bigger

Published on October 14, 2024

As I reflect on my day, I realize I spent a large portion of it feeling frustrated.

…For reasons I believe justify those feelings of frustration.

But I also recognize, in retrospect, that the more I justified those feelings throughout the day, the worse the frustration got.

…And that felt to me, for this specific set of circumstances, like a bigger mistake than the ones that were made that led to my frustration in the first place.

If it is what it is… then I simply need to do what can be done.

Making frustrations bigger doesn’t make problems any smaller.

6 Out Of 10

Published on October 12, 2024

I taught a Women’s Self-Defense class this past Wednesday.

It’s a free event designed to equip, empower, and prepare the women of our community to protect themselves against bigger, stronger, and faster assailants.

I’ll teach fundamental self-defense strategies, effective strikes from a variety of positions, and how to properly respond against chokes, grabs, bear hugs, etc—all while being surrounded by a respectful, uplifting community of supportive women.

I’ve been leading this session for years and have settled (remember this word) into a curriculum that I feel really good about.

At the end of this past week’s session, I handed out anonymous feedback forms where participants can rate the class on a scale of 1-10 and provide written feedback on what they liked, didn’t like, and what they would’ve liked to do more/less of.

Most of the reviews I’ve gotten since starting these forms have been 10s with the occasional 9. One person, however, after this past session rated it a 6 out of 10.

And here’s what I noticed in myself after seeing that:

  1. A defensive/emotional mental rise: how could they have given that session a 6 out of 10?!
  2. A deliberate attempt to forget about that rating—as if it wasn’t submitted.
  3. A bubbling back up of the rating in my mind every so often, unconsciously.
  4. An acceptance with the rating once I calmed down and put it into perspective.
  5. Active brainstorming on what I’m going to do differently/better for the next one.

…And it’s that last line that’s so key.

Beneath the emotional responses are buried opportunities. Opportunities that, if discovered with enough patience and deliberate inner work, can (finally) take you from “settled” to still evolving.

Stepping Into Your Power

Published on October 9, 2024

“Without resistance to what it is, you’ll feel more in your power.”

…This is a line my friend Nat shared with me when discussing the power of connecting to the present moment and what it can do for your mentality and ability to act—especially during turbulent times filled with change.

How often do we step out of our power, simply because we’re self-sabotaging?

How often do we minimize what we’re able to do because of self-limiting, junk beliefs?

How often do we unknowingly increase the resistance in our lives by arguing against reality and unnecessarily exacerbate situations?

Reality is what it is. It’s unchangeable in this moment. Once you accept this and reallocate your mental resources from what’s out of your control to what’s in… and settle yourself back into the present moment… you just might find yourself, not only stepping into your next moments with less resistance, but into your full power as an infinitely-potentialed human being.

Related: 48 Brianna Wiest Quotes from The Mountain Is You on Self-Sabotage and Healing

Gratitude Notes

Published on October 6, 2024

Some gratitude notes from the past few days:

  • The temperature has been nearly perfect here in Buffalo, NY, USA. Now that it’s autumn, it drops to a cool 50 degrees (Fahrenheit) at night for sleeping and then warms back up to a beautiful 70 during the day for living. This is my absolute favorite weather of the year.
  • I caught a whiff of fresh firewood being burned on one of the above mentioned cool nights recently. It nearly lifted me off the face of the earth it was so heavenly.
  • One of my students shared with me that he works overnights from 11pm – 7am… and that he hates it and hasn’t been sleeping because of it. I sometimes find myself complaining about my work hours… but, after that spoonful of perspective… I suddenly felt super grateful for them.

It’s good to refresh your gratitude list every now and again—with specific things you’ve noticed in your life as of late. And writing them down makes the practice even better.

…What are some gratitude notes from some of your past few days?

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what was posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.

Don’t Let One Experience Define You

Published on October 6, 2024

When I was around 18 years old, I was selected to give a speech on bullying by the martial arts organization I worked for.

What I knew was that (1) it was for a bully prevention event being hosted within our community, (2) I was to talk about how martial arts can help prevent bullying and those being bullied, and (3) I could give a pretty good on the fly “mat-chat” at the end of a regular martial arts class where I would discuss important topics for a few minutes with students of all ages (which was why I was selected vs other instructors).

What I didn’t know was that (1) it was being hosted at The Buffalo Bills field house (the NFL team) for a large number of community members, (2) I was to give my talk immediately after a local beauty pageant queen whose entire platform was on bullying who had a well-memorized, stat-decorated, story driven speech that would make my “on the fly” thoughts feel juvenile and inadequate, and (3) my strategy of “not worrying about it” and “trusting that I’d figure it out when I got there” would wildly backfire and that I’d blackout when I was handed the mic on stage… and that I’d blabber and bomb it.

…And what I know now (after being interviewed by a local news station and comfortably speaking about the topic for 20ish minutes today) is (1) a whole lot more about bullying, (2) it’s largely because of that above mentioned experience that I do, and (3) one experience doesn’t have to define how all of your future experiences will go.

Say Something Nice

Published on October 3, 2024

When I asked two of my co-workers (whom I have weekly meetings with) if there was anything they’d like to add to the meeting minutes or general structure of how we meet… one of them said, “I think we should say something nice to each other…” in a half-joking, mostly serious kind of way.

And you know what…

We’ve been doing it ever since and I think it’s one of the best overall sections of the meeting. And I don’t just mean this in a silly kind of way… I mean this in a connection-forming, bond-deepening, mood-boosting-which-mood-boosts-every-single-other-person-we-interact-with-which-is-excellent-for-business-too… kind of way.

And you know what…

As tacky as it might sound to the super busy, high performing professional… the energy is met by the energy that’s brought. If you put some quality energy and thought into what you say… what you’ll be stunned to find… is that other people will bring some quality energy and thought into what they say as well.

What Are Your Inputs Making You Believe?

Published on October 1, 2024

Seeing the number of subscribers go down on my email lists makes me want to write and publish less. Reading the comments from readers who resonated with what I wrote makes me want to write more.

Training with people who are arrogant and chronic complainers makes me want to train a whole lot less. Training with people who are humble and hard working makes me want to train a whole lot more.

Working with people who are lazy and who have other people do most of their work for them makes me want to help that person a bunch less. Working with people who are focused and who take initiative to get more than their fair share done makes me want to help them a bunch more.

If you’re feeling some kind of way about your work, training, creative processes, etc—check your inputs. When you focus too much on the ones that upset, frustrate, and pain you—it’s no wonder you’re feeling badly about the process as a whole.

P.s. If something I’ve written has resonated with you and you’d like to support this ongoing project, you can hook me up with a coffee here :)