Category: Identity

Sharing publicly a highlight-reel version of our lives feels like it’s in our best interest because it:

• Makes us “more attractive”
• May lead to more opportunities
• Can capture attention that can be leveraged

What’s really in our best interest is sharing an authentic version of our lives because it:

• Attracts an authentic tribe
• Leads to more aligned opportunities
• Captures attention from the right people

Worth mentioning that these two aren’t mutually exclusive, though.

A public presence can certainly feature both—we can have an authentic highlight-reel.

But, more often than not, the former is focused on at the expense of the latter. And our mental health pays a toll in the long-run.

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P.s. I asked: “What cleanses your soul?” I hope the answers inspire you to do more of what cleanses yours.

As soon as you stop doing inner work, ego wins control.

The problem with ego winning is:

• Ego is instant gratification driven
• Ego will fight at all costs for its comfort zone
• Ego likes plug-your-ears-la-la-la as a solution to problems

Inner work challenges each of these tendencies and asks important questions. Things like:

• “Is this really all I’m capable of?”
• “Is comfort the purpose of my life?”
• “Will I look back and be proud of these decisions?”

And if you’re not sure who’s in control upstairs, go ahead and try answering those questions for yourself.

Are you steered towards “La-la-la” or intrigue?

You might be surprised.

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P.s. I asked, “What is it exactly that makes your best friend your best friend?” Here are the answers. A great place to linger if you’d like to build more solid relationships in your life.

Within the landscape of our mind isn’t just one voice.

There’s the voice of the Ego and there’s the voice of the Self.

Ego arises effortlessly. It’s one of the byproducts of being emotional, social, imperfect creatures.

• When we experience undesirable emotions, Ego fights for immediate comfort (e.g. suppression).
• When we experience social hierarchy, Ego fights for expedited means to the top.
• When we experience imperfections, Ego fights for distraction.

Self doesn’t arise. Self is tapped into as a result of inward effort. When we find ways to tap into this infinite wisdom, then we find different answers to the same human conditions:

• When we experience undesirable emotions, Self accepts their presence and allows them to flow.
• When we experience social hierarchy, Self returns to authenticity and reminds us of our own journey.
• When we experience imperfections, Self reminds us of our infinite, untouchable worth.

Ego is comparative, competitive, and comfort oriented. Self is authentic, gift giving, and long-term oriented.

The dynamic worth noting here is that the Ego wants to be the only one heard. It’s loud, obnoxious, and wildly distracting. The Self is subtle, quiet, and speaks in whispers.

This is the root cause of much of our inner conflict and self-imposed suffering.

They are both answers to one of our fundamental driving forces as humans: to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

Ego, however, isn’t a good guide. It’s interested in the immediate gratification and pain avoidance. Self, knows that this usually leads to compounded long-term pain. It’s the Self that can best guide us forward. But, if we never take the time to quiet the Ego… we’ll never hear it.

3 Important things happen when you’re NOT unapologetically yourself:

1. Inner conflict arises because who you are and how you’re presenting are in opposition.
2. You attract people into your life who vibe with your mask.
3. You repel people who don’t vibe with your mask (who might be attracted to your authentic self).

3 Important things happen when you ARE unapologetically yourself:

1. You get to be your unapologetic self (no masks).
2. You attract people into your life who vibe with the real you.
3. People who don’t vibe with you will continue on their way.

3 Important things to remember when you are in the midst of being unapologetically yourself:

1. Not everyone will like it. Good. The ones who don’t—aren’t your tribe (even if you thought they were). Keep vibing unapologetically. Your real tribe won’t make you apologize for being you.
2. Not everyone you attract will be good additions to your tribe. You’ll need to keep firm boundaries up against energy vampires, energy manipulators, and toxic types.
3. Attraction works two ways. Don’t just wait for everybody else to attract to you. Take the initiative and follow the flow of your attractions. Sometimes, being unapologetically yourself involves being quiet, shy, and reserved. The same is true in others. Take more risks and reach out to people who you think you’d vibe really well with. Somebody has to take the initiative—might as well bring the control back into your court and let that somebody be you.

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I love when my words make people “pensive.” Thank you for the kind words and coffee. This post is dedicated to you. ☕️