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Category: Identity

Why Not Now?

Published on August 10, 2023

I have a 41 year old martial arts student who signed up to do her first ever martial arts tournament this Saturday who also, get this, has never done a performance of any kind… ever… in her life.

Not for theater, not for music, not for school… has never performed in front of people.

And this weekend, she’s rewriting that part of her story.

…This is your reminder that it’s never too late to rewrite a part of your story, too.

P.s. I also published: Replacing Human With Digital Interactions—A Short Story About Connection

Where do I undervalue myself the most?

Published on July 9, 2023

I tend to undervalue myself the most when I’m in a comparison mindset with “the best.”

This happened most frequently when I was most active on social media—Instagram in particular. I would see elite athletes with impeccable physiques—and I’d undervalue my own. I would see the most attractive, most highly desired people—and I’d laugh at the prospect of my own (attraction). I would listen to the most incredible insights and see people speak with the most incredible conviction—and I’d form limiting beliefs around my ability to deliver the same.

Once I became aware of this connection, I slowly started to wane off all social media—Instagram mostly. And what I noticed is a proportional increase in my own feelings of self-worth and value. When you mitigate the comparison opportunities, you slowly start to increase your self-worth building opportunities. Because ultimately, the value I or you or any of us has to give, has nothing to do with the value someone else is able to bring.

Our value is a unique, independent gift—and when we do things, or expose ourselves to things, that make us not want to share our gifts, it’s the people in our own circles, who only we can uniquely impact who suffer and miss out as a result.

I learned my lesson. And I’m still working on minimizing and even mitigating social media use. What drives me is a desire to add more and more value to my own life so I can, more and more, add value to the lives of others.

P.s. Your turn. Use the above question as an inner work prompt and see what comes up.

Body Posture and Voice Tonality

Published on June 16, 2023

I frequently visit schools and speak to students about how martial arts can help in life.

And while one of my goals is to spark an interest in them that might lead to continued, long-term training, part of me knows that the one visit might be the only time I’ll ever get to speak with them. And so I challenge myself to give them something that’ll stick even after one, 30-minute session.

While this often changes depending on the group of students I’m working with and what I see—what I often find myself choosing for the focused takeaway is body posture and voice tonality.

I’ll tell them when they stand, walk, or sit—to do so with their back straight, chin up, and eyes straight ahead. When they speak, to look in the eyes and use a loud, clear voice.

Contrary to what most students think, what formulates our judgements of our peers has very little to do with specific word choice—it’s not about the jokes, knowledge, or witty remarks.

The sweeping majority has to do with body language and tone of voice. And one of the best ways I know to get people to demonstrably hold themselves in high(er) regard—which demonstrates belief in their own worth, potential, and right to be treated with dignity and respect—is by making these select few adjustments.

If you’re reading this and you tend to walk with your back hunched, eyes down, and speak with a soft and quiet voice… maybe you can practice making this select adjustment as well.

Make it a habit and you might be surprised at how different you feel in just a few days time.

Lead With Your Heart

Published on March 16, 2023

Lead with your heart and utilize the power of your mind to figure out the rest.

Leading with your mind and trying to utilize the power of the heart doesn’t work out so well.

Why? Because the heart isn’t one to be utilized.

The heart is who you are; the mind is composed of all the tools that you could ever need to utilize and shape that identity.

Force your mind to build an identity that is in conflict with your heart and the heart will inevitably rebel. Many of us get pigeon-holed into this trap because our minds are so damn loud and constantly connected to the damn loud minds of others.

That is why we must quiet our mind; why we must turn down the noise of what’s “practical” “lucrative” and “respectable;” why we must return to stillness.

Because it’s only there… where we’re quiet and thinking as ourselves—not as others would have us think—that we’re able to truly hear what our heart has to say.

So that from there… we can begin to truly lead.

Onion Identities

Published on March 11, 2023

We are complex, multi-layered creatures.

What everybody sees are the exposed outer layers of our onion identities.

What we feel are the deeply influential inner layers that are encoded in emotion and symbolism that take quality time to understand.

It’s only when we learn to decode the complex feelings and insights buried within that we can finally change the vibrancy and authenticity of our exposed outer layers.

Trying to upkeep the appearance of an impeccable shell with a rotting interior is futile work. What’s rotting on the inside will inevitably make its way to the outside.

It’s only once we understand that we function as an integrated whole… that we might finally commit to developing and improving our innermost—most influential—layers.

And we can begin the inner work that’ll change our daily mission from “shell upkeep” to “core cleaning” and what used to be a facade will slowly crumble and what’ll be left is a vibrant glow that was there all along. 

Rare Character Titles

Published on January 30, 2023
  • Wise
  • Loyal
  • Humble
  • Generous
  • Admirable
  • Respectful
  • Dependable

…Aren’t character traits you can give yourself.

They can only ever be gifted to you by others—regardless of how much you believe it, say it, or fight for it (them).

Some things can only ever be proven through action.

Side note: there is an argument to be made for the situation when you’re surrounded by people who simply don’t give gifts of any kind. People who are so consumed in their own worlds that they don’t have the capacity or capability to gift these rare character titles to others. And if that’s the case, remember, getting the rare character titles gifted to you isn’t the point. The point is to embody the rare character traits because of the innate goodness that doing so provides in value for you and your life. Getting the title should never be the expectation; only the rare, unexpected (and greatly appreciated) gift.

…If you want to get the rare character title of appreciative, that is.

P.s. January 26th was the anniversary of Kobe Bryant’s tragic death. I wrote a piece honoring his legacy here.

Mental Sweat Required

Published on January 29, 2023

You become what you study; study what you want to become.

You become who you speak with; speak with who you want to become.

You become what you think carefully about; think carefully about what (and who) you want to become.*

*Thinking carefully implies deliberate conscious effort, not what happens unconsciously throughout the day. We’re talking about the kind of thinking that happens when you ask and mentally sweat over tough questions. Questions that challenge your limiting beliefs, comfort zones, life path, ingrained habits, close relationships, identity, vision, beliefs, and so on. Yes, this is the kind of thinking that shapes who you will ultimately become.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.