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Matt Hogan's Blog Posts

The 5 Languages of Love

Published on February 15, 2022

Falling in love is easy.

Staying in love—well, that’s the hard part.

This morning, I was introduced to The 5 Languages of Love and was deeply moved.

Understanding each of these languages will undoubtedly make staying in love—easier. They are:

I. Words of Affirmation: Language in its raw form, we have to genuinely express the things we love about our loved one. Love unexpressed isn’t love at all.

II. Quality Time: What we give the weight of our attention to is indicative of where our true priorities lie. Even if what’s being shared with us isn’t of interest to us. We have to learn how to make what’s important to them, as important to us, as they are to us.

III. Receiving Gifts: Being able to give a gift effectively shows that time was spent thinking and preparing something specifically for them while we weren’t with them. What’s important isn’t the price of the gift. What’s important is how much heart we put into preparing it. Which always shows.

IV. Acts of Service: Giving with the expectation of receiving in return isn’t giving at all—it’s a transaction. This is not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about giving for the sake of giving. We’re talking about committing random acts of service. Because doing a chore, task, or favor without being asked to and without any spite or expectation—is love in its purest form.

V. Physical Touch: Hugging, kissing, caressing, squeezing, holding, massaging, embracing, soothing, etc. These are all explicit demonstrations of our love. Which are just as important as each of the above mentioned implicit demonstrations.

Take time each day to feel your lover’s presence, too.

Optimization Happens Last

Published on February 14, 2022

Optimization is the last step of any process.

Be it building a house, starting a business, creating a new habit etc.—the fine tuning should never happen first.

  • When it comes to building a house, who cares about auto-timed lighting as a means to optimizing the house’s energy efficiency—if there are no walls.
  • When it comes to starting a business, who cares about the color of the checkout button as a means to optimizing clicks—if there is no marketing plan in place to drive visitors to the business’ website.
  • When it comes to creating a new exercising habit, who cares about the exact rest time allowed in-between sets as a means to optimizing workout pace—if you don’t even have the habit of showing up to the gym.

In today’s world, optimization is an obsession.

Many of us are constantly on the hunt for (and are being bombarded with) optimization “hacks,” fine-tuning tricks, and hot trends that can produce any kind of measurable result.

But, without the foundation set—without the “big” things already in place—it’s ultimately just wasted time.

It’s like trying to optimize a lump of coal. You can try to clean, cut, and polish it all you want—it’ll still end up mostly as it started—coal.

If, however, you subjected that lump of coal to enough time under pressure, it’ll eventually transform into a diamond.

And diamond is what gets optimized.

Wants And Shoulds

Published on February 13, 2022

Sometimes you have to sacrifice doing what you want so you can do what you should.

Not making that sacrifice means prioritizing wants over shoulds.

If that’s you, don’t be surprised when the people who do make that sacrifice get ahead.

You can’t have it both ways.

Ego vs. Self

Published on February 12, 2022

Underneath all of the loud, invasive, and pushy mental chatter is a voice that’s quiet, subtle, and powerful beyond measure.

That quiet voice is our authentic, “capital S” Self.

The loud, obnoxious voice is our Ego.

The Ego is hyper-comparative, is easily manipulated by outside influences, and desperately seeks control over the mind.

The Self is comparison-resistant, requires a deep impression for change from an outside source, and (fundamentally speaking) is the mind underneath all of the noise from the Ego.

It is as though the Self is the news of the world and the Ego is the news network that reports primarily for ratings.

Let the Ego take control and you get never ending BREAKING NEWS cycles, short-lived (and quickly irrelevant) urgent stories, and “if it bleeds it leads.”

Let the Self guide you and you get deeply insightful stories, long-lived “evergreen” type content, and “the truth will set you free.”

The interplay between these two forces is ever-present and plays a significant role in how we experience daily life.

The Ego, when left unattended, will operate exclusively for ratings. And all ratings without a depth of content makes for a very superficial, flaky news network.

The Self, without the presence of an Ego, will operate exclusively for depth and truth. Which has its own drawbacks. Because all depth and no ratings (appeal to an audience) makes for a very small time news network.

The ideal is a type of harmonious relationship between the two.

We start by building a solid foundation of truth, identity, and understanding of the Self and then use the Ego (without letting it use us) to serve those truths in powerful, appealing ways.

Maybe

Published on February 11, 2022 
Maybe great moods
Aren't something we arrive in
Maybe they're something we figure out.

Maybe great days
Aren’t something we have
Maybe they’re something we make.

Maybe great lives
Aren't something we're born with
Maybe they're something we create with what we're given.

Life In A Memory (Or Two)

Published on February 10, 2022

One day we’ll just be memories.

Scattered amongst the brains of the world.

Act today the way you want to be remembered in those brains.

For when it comes down to it, that’s how your whole life will be summarized.

Within the confines of just a few memories.

From just a few brains who contain the most potent ones.

And today could be the day that you leave the gift of a potent memory (or two) behind.

It certainly couldn’t hurt to act like it anyway.

Planting Dreams [Poem]

Published on February 9, 2022 
The day you plant the seed
Is not the day the seed grows

The month after you plant the seed
Is not the day the fruit shows

It isn't until many years later
That seed turns to tree
And tree bears its fruit

Which will never happen of course
If you fail to help that seed
Firmly take root

Water, soil, sun
Energy, attention, love
This is the way to fruition

Any attempt to manipulate
Nature's already perfect pace
Is to misunderstand the mission

Forcing fruit from seed
Removing essentials for growth
Is to put Mother herself, arrogantly underneath

Bring yourself down
To the level of your seeds
And commit to the process of helping them breathe

Otherwise why go through the trouble
Of rushing, yelling, planning
And doing the extreme

When all of that rash action
Forces holes into gravesites
Rather than the foundation of dreams.