Skip to content

Matt Hogan's Blog Posts

Trauma-Dumping vs Grief-Sharing

Published on April 28, 2026

An excerpt from Brooklyn by Colm Tóibín: “She thought that he was going to cry; she felt almost guilty that she had handed some of her grief to him, and then she felt close to him for his willingness to take it and hold it, in all its rawness, all its dark confusion.”

It can feel this way. Like guilt when you hand some of your grief to others. Like you burdened them or made them uncomfortable or brought a heaviness to their otherwise bright and cheerful day.

But when you hand some of your grief to those who are willing to take it and help you hold it—in all of its rawness and dark confusion—you’re not burdening them… you’re actually giving them an opportunity. An opportunity to connect deeply with you in a way that would be a burden to try to figure out how to otherwise. Get it?

Because when we’re bright and cheerful, like the sun, we typically connect over what touches the surface: our likes and dislikes; our hobbies and activities; our background and accomplishments…

But when we’re grief-stricken, like the rain, we connect over what seeps below the surface: our emotions and feelings; our morals and values; our life-defining experiences and most significant pains…

Trauma-dumping is a term you might use when somebody pours unsolicited trauma experiences towards a person who is unwilling to take and hold it… who feels uncomfortable… who becomes burdened.

But grief-sharing is not that.

It, in fact, can be one of the most significant relationship deepening experiences that two people ever share.

You Different [Poem]

Published on April 27, 2026

Why can’t I picture your face?
After I just pictured
A life with you

You had exquisite style
Everything intentional
And not one uninteresting thing about you

You were rockin’ this messy, put-together look
Half part class, and a wild second half
Which, woven together, made you different

It’s all still so clear
And the impression you made
Is still pressed upon the pillow of my mind

But your face…
Gone so completely
Like some kind of payback

For walking away too quickly
For not looking more carefully
At every crevice and feature

For not looking more intentionally
Through your windows
Into the home

…I only got to imagine us warming.

P.s. You can read my other poems here.

Cushy Couches and iPhone Games

Published on April 27, 2026

Another takeaway from the live Imani Perry talk I attended this past Thursday: she said, “Most modern day people have just enough means to entertain themselves away from truth.”

Truth, of course, being the reality of the world.

…And how it’s not cushy couches and meaningless iPhone games.

…But, how it’s war and crime and hate.

It’s not only that, of course—there is so much of the opposite in the world. But, it’s undeniably present in our shared reality.

And the point she was getting to shortly after she shared the above quote is that, if we’re not acting in a way that stands up to the war and crime and hate… then we’re a part of the problem. And if we “entertain ourselves” into ignorance… then we’re a part of the problem. If we stand up, speak out, and act in ways that lead to peace and justice and love… then we’re a part of the solution.

…And what we need now more than ever are people who are a part of the solution.

Two Life Goals I Hadn’t Heard Before

Published on April 26, 2026

I got to train with a Muy Thai Master this weekend.

And at the end of our three hour session, he started speaking about health and wellness and how he wants to live to be a centenarian.

…But not if that meant having a low quality of life where he’s bedridden, lonely, and miserable.

His two very distinct and unique goals he set for himself—that he has attached to this goal of becoming a centenarian are: (1) That he’s able to bend over and pick up his grandkids and (2) That he’s able to walk independently on uneven surfaces.

And so he’s reverse engineering his lifestyle to prepare him for those two goals as he gets older. Which includes a wide array of thoughtful and deliberate strategies that he’s integrated into his lifestyle as protocols that he follows religously.

…And I just couldn’t help but think how refreshing those goals were in a sea of wished for yachts and added zeros.

A Beautiful Quilting Story from Imani Perry

Published on April 25, 2026

I had the distinct privilege of listening to a live presentation from Imani Perry last night.

And one of the stories she shared stuck with me.

Her grandmother used to gather with friends to quilt.

Each woman would start at a different point of a single quilt, however, and work together until the one was completed.

When it was, they would give it to the woman who needed it the most. Maybe because one just gave birth or another was struggling with bills or whatever.

And I love this idea because it does so much more than make and gift a quilt to a woman who needs it… it brings people together for a common cause (purpose), it acts as a means for conversation (connection), and brings a healing element into the occasion because each woman gets to share her struggles, her challenges, her adversities… and presumably create an invaluable opportunity for everybody else to relate and reciprocate in deeply fulfilling way(s).

…How beautiful.

Is there something like this you could create in your life?

Don’t Hoard Your Fruit

Published on April 23, 2026

What are you working so hard for?

…Is it for your family? Is it for fancy cars and clothes? Is it for travel and entertainment?

Here’s the thing: once you answer this question honestly… it’s important to recognize the “ends” even while you’re in the midst of your “means.”

In other words, if you’re working so hard for your family, then recognize the moments you have with them—when you’re not working—for what they are: the fruits of your labor.

And the same is true when you’re traveling or relaxing or making an exciting purchase… recognize it as the fruit. Don’t let “labor” contaminate its taste. Savor the bites along the way.

And keep a healthy regiment of enjoying your fruit regularly.

Fruit goes bad when it’s left unattended for too long. And eating a mountain of fruit later in life isn’t nearly as good as enjoying your fruit each day along the way.

Reality Based Testing

Published on April 22, 2026

I came across a sale to learn a new language for 60% off.

For $239, I could learn a whole new language and have lifetime access to the lessons.

A pretty killer deal if you ask me.

But, I didn’t buy it yet.

I’m reality testing my actual commitment level by creating a space for free language learning first.

It has ads and I assume it isn’t as good as the paid option.

…But, that isn’t the point.

The point is I’ve bought similar courses in the past and never finished them.

Because while it sounded great in my head, I never reality tested it to gauge my actual commitment level.

Before you take the plunge and commit to a full on sprint: create a space. Establish a bit of a pace. Test it against your reality. See if you can make adjustments on the hard days. See if it eventually sticks. Then… double down on your investment.