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Matt Hogan's Blog Posts

Your Mental Home

Published on May 4, 2022

Fact: people will try to use you for selfish gains.

It’s up to YOU to use boundaries to stop them.

Remember: what you tolerate is what will continue.

Don’t tolerate selfish behavior. Draw lines. Say, “No.” Make rules.

Give yourself permission to protect your mental space at the expense of other people’s comfort. Their comfort isn’t your top priority—your mental space is (should be).

Your mental space is your most precious home.

And just as you’re selective with who you invite into the walls of your physical home, so too should you be selective with who you invite into the walls of your mental home.

It’s your job to invite the right guests in, to show the wrong guests out, and to know when it’s time to have no guests at all.

It’s never your job to be anybody’s doormat.

You are the door. They have to knock/call. They have to ask permission/get invited. They have to be respectful and courteous. And they have to add value to the relationship within the time that’s shared.

Otherwise, thanks for coming over, but I have to get back to protecting my mental space now.

…Maybe said a little less bluntly?

You get the idea.

This is how you turn your mental house into your mental home.

Can You Hear Your Heart?

Published on May 3, 2022

The heart speaks in whispers.

The world YELLS IN ALL CAPS!!

If we don’t find ways to separate ourselves from the YELLS—we’ll never hear the whispers.

Self-Discipline vs. Self-Control

Published on May 2, 2022

“Deciding to stop eating sweets and to start eating vegetables are separate psychological functions. The first takes self-control. The second takes self-discipline. You can easily succeed at one and fail at the other. They aren’t the same process!”

Dr. Julia-Marie O’Brien

Self-discipline says “Go,” even when you don’t want to—to do what you know you have to.

Self-control says “No,” even when you might want to say “Yes”—to stop you from doing something you know you shouldn’t.

In the same way self-discipline is built by breaking down seemingly large tasks into manageable chunks (to make “going” easier)—self-control is built by preemptively mitigating temptations before they turn into uncontrollably large ones (to make saying “No” easier).

If improving self-discipline follows a big to small format:

  • Step 1: Identify the big task that you know needs to get done—that comes from a deep place.
  • Step 2: Make doing the task easy (so it can be done even on the hard days)—by breaking it down into smaller, simpler, easier to remember tasks.
  • Step 3: Go—ideally at times when your energy levels are highest.

Then improving self-control might follow a small to big format:

  • Step 1: Identify the small cravings/desires as they arrive—be mindful of regular patterns.
  • Step 2: Make mitigating those cravings/desires easy—have a plan in place (e.g. if I get a craving for something sweet, then I’ll have peanut butter and a protein bar).
  • Step 3: Stop—ideally at times when you’re cravings/desires are at their lowest.

While these two words might seem interchangeable, this key difference in these psychological processes should be understood if we hope to improve upon them.

Who Cares?

Published on May 1, 2022

Nobody should care more about your life than you.

Because nobody can ever fully understand your life—and all that it entails—more than you.

So what happens when you care more about what others think than what you think yourself?

  • It means you’ve outsourced the weight of your care to them.
  • It means you’ll prioritize how you act in ways that satisfies their cares over your own.
  • It means you think their care is more aligned with your wants, needs, desires than your own.

And one of the reasons we care so much about what other people think is because we want to fit in and gain their acceptance.

But, what we have to realize is that if we don’t act in ways that is optimally aligned with our deepest wants, needs, and desires—we become irritable, frustrated, and confused.

Because that’s how being out of alignment feels.

The ironic truth is that the path towards acceptance with others is the path that leads towards acceptance of self first.

Because when we are in alignment with our deepest wants, needs, and desires—we become joyful, unbothered, and confident. And THAT is what attracts the people of your tribe who bring with them fitting in and acceptance.

Fulfillment isn’t something that can ever be outsourced.

No matter how well intentioned and good-willed the other people in your life might be.

…It can only ever be sourced from within.

Flirting With Tickets

Published on April 30, 2022

The average pace of today’s world is fast.

Most of us are sprinting to and from and mostly because that’s what everybody else is doing.

It’s like when you’re on the highway and everybody is driving 69.5mph in a 55mph zone—you don’t want to be THAT guy (just me?).

The question is: are we running because we’re enjoying or because we’re trying to quickly get to a different place where the enjoying is supposed to happen?

Which makes me wonder: does enjoying ever sprint? Or does enjoying cruise so as to not miss a moment as life sprints by?

Protect Your Peace

Published on April 29, 2022

What if I told you that today, you will be exposed to messages that were deliberately designed to destroy your inner peace…

Would you approach your day differently?

Would you guard your mind more intently?

Would you more carefully choose your company?

…Because here’s the thing: you will be.

Be Water, My Friend

Published on April 28, 2022

Understand this: we are a vessel that carries either water or gas to and from each of our daily interactions—it’s rarely anything else.

With that in mind, our mission becomes quite clear.

We must take the time needed to fill ourselves up each day until we are overflowing with “water” rather than allowing our internal chemistry to unwillingly produce and start spewing “gas.”

Then, with every “fire” we cross, we have to let what comes from inside of us dilute the harsh flames rather than further enrage their fury.

After all, do we want to be contributors to even more uncontrollable chaos in the world? Or do we want to be the facilitators of fresh air?

And to my idealist friends out there: the key isn’t to let the number of fires in the world—or their size—intimidate you to inaction.

The most grandiose plan to extinguish all fires in the world pales in comparison to the fire that’s actually put out in your own backyard.

Today, as you embark on the path of your day—be water, my friend.

And focus on the actual flames that present themselves at each step along the way.