Matt Hogan's Blog

Emotional Pain

Published on October 12, 2022

You can’t take away other people’s emotional pain.

No matter how much you love them; care for them; feel sympathy for them.

Emotional pain, like physical pain, is for the beholder to bear.

Any attempt to take away or “shoulder” another person’s emotional pain will only further delay their healing process. Because feeling is how emotional pain is released.

Be aware that you’re shouldering other people’s emotional pain when you:

Try to fix relationship issues that aren’t yours to fix
Have tough conversations for people that don’t involve you
Micromanage someone’s lifestyle because “you know better”

There is no way around it; there is no “transferrable” option—the pain we’ve been dealt is the pain we have to confront.

What you can do, as a person who feels compassion for another person experiencing pain, is give them support—particularly your presence.

The same kind of support you would offer someone who got physically hurt.

You wouldn’t say: “Oh gosh! That looks like it hurts… want me to heal that pain for you?”

You’d do things more along the lines of:

Helping remove them from painful situations (so it doesn’t get worse)
Helping them get more comfortable/calm (so they can deal with the pain in a better state)
Helping them get unrelated things done (so that they can have more energy for healing)

And, of course, just being present is powerful in and of itself.

This lets them know that they’re not alone to bear the weight of the pain; that it’s okay to feel and isn’t something that needs to be hidden; that they are accepted—even during their low points.

And what a true gift that can be.

When Competition Ceases To Exist

Published on October 11, 2022

The number of competitors you have in this world is directly tied to the depth of your self-love. The more you love yourself… the fewer competitors you have.

Why? Because the more you love yourself, the less you have to prove. Challenge is welcome. But, the egotistical need to place yourself above others, dissipates. You’re already whole. You’re already worthy. You’re already great. That’s what self-love proves.

See… the real challenge isn’t to increase the number of people you’ve beaten… it’s to increase the depth of your self-love until external competition ceases to exist.

P.s. I have a collection of 280+ quotes and resources on self-love. You can browse here.

Black Belt You

Published on October 10, 2022

What does the black belt version of you look like?

For me, as a 20+ year martial arts practitioner, black belt represents something much greater than combat or performance abilities.

Black belt represents potential fought for; potential realized; potential unleashed.

It’s a firm commitment to the realization of a greater version of yourself. A version that’s disciplined; focused; confident; respectful; generous. A 2.0 version that’s built to handle to challenges presented by life.

What does your black belt version look like? Even if you never plan on stepping foot into a Dojang (although I think it’s beneficial for most everybody)—a deep visualization practice can produce a life-changing image.

Because once you see this version clearly in your mind, you can finally start to reverse engineer your way to that 2.0 you. Without it, 1.0 you is all you’ll ever know. And you can’t reverse engineer to what you don’t know.

Close your eyes and start building.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Life’s Precious Beat [Poem]

Published on October 9, 2022

I often find myself stuck
Somewhere in the middle
Of capture and surrender
Of live now and remember
Of render and let it be

I don’t often feel
Like I get it quite right
Like how to remember
What wasn’t captured
Or fully absorb
What’s seen from a screen

But every now and again
I capture a moment
Or surrender to a scene
And briefly find my footing
As I rebalance to the rhythm
Of life’s precious beat

P.s. This poem was inspired by this picture.

Content Fridge

Published on October 8, 2022

Every time you click your mouse, you fill your content fridge.

If you click the clickbait, don’t be surprised when you open your content fridge and see junk.

That’d be the same as picking junk at the grocery store, and then getting home and being surprised when you open your shopping bags.

…Junk?! How did this happen?! That grocery store sucks.

No. It’s not the grocery store’s fault—it’s what you picked.

It’s the same for what you see on media as it is for what you see in your shopping bags.

Just as you resist junk food while food shopping, resist clickbait when clicking.

For what you pick will only continue to show up in your life (and will ultimately be what you consume) over and over and over again.

I sip on coffee while I write these. If you enjoy these posts, you can support my future work by supplying me with one of my next cups of joe here. ♥

Intrinsic Value

Published on October 7, 2022

Don’t write to beat other writers. Write to give gifts to readers.

Don’t read to beat other readers. Read to receive gifts from writers.

Don’t create to beat other creators. Create to realize the gifts inside of you.

Don’t share to beat other share-ers. Share to help people on similar paths as you.

Extrinsic rewards have their place… but never lose sight of intrinsic value.

When we compete, we adopt a winner/loser mindset—and sometimes lose sight of the intrinsic beauty of the tasks we’re choosing to do in and of themselves.

When we contribute, we adopt an abundance/ win-win mindset—and get to experience the intrinsic beauty… not just in the tasks… but in the effect they have on the people who you’re no longer looking to as “losers”—but as community/ team players who are helping raise the tide… just like you.

P.s. I asked what the best feeling(s) in the world are. Here are the answers. I hope they bring perspective and joy to your day :)

The Voices In Our Head

Published on October 6, 2022

Within the landscape of our mind isn’t just one voice.

There’s the voice of the Ego and there’s the voice of the Self.

Ego arises effortlessly. It’s one of the byproducts of being emotional, social, imperfect creatures.

When we experience undesirable emotions, Ego fights for immediate comfort (e.g. suppression).
When we experience social hierarchy, Ego fights for expedited means to the top.
When we experience imperfections, Ego fights for distraction.

Self doesn’t arise. Self is tapped into as a result of inward effort. When we find ways to tap into this infinite wisdom, then we find different answers to the same human conditions:

When we experience undesirable emotions, Self accepts their presence and allows them to flow.
When we experience social hierarchy, Self returns to authenticity and reminds us of our own journey.
When we experience imperfections, Self reminds us of our infinite, untouchable worth.

Ego is comparative, competitive, and comfort oriented. Self is authentic, gift giving, and long-term oriented.

The dynamic worth noting here is that the Ego wants to be the only one heard. It’s loud, obnoxious, and wildly distracting. The Self is subtle, quiet, and speaks in whispers.

This is the root cause of much of our inner conflict and self-imposed suffering.

They are both answers to one of our fundamental driving forces as humans: to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

Ego, however, isn’t a good guide. It’s interested in the immediate gratification and pain avoidance. Self, knows that this usually leads to compounded long-term pain. It’s the Self that can best guide us forward. But, if we never take the time to quiet the Ego… we’ll never hear it.

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