Category: Understanding Love

You don’t get amazing people into your life via boring living.

You attract amazing people into your life via exciting living.

And I don’t mean this by anyone else’s definition of “boring” or “exciting” than yours.

You know when you’re living well within your comfort zone, as your unrealized self, doing nothing but consuming behind closed doors.

And equally so, you know when you’re living outside of your comfort zone, as your evolving self, creating and sharing and connecting in the vast landscapes of the world.

The thing is, people want somebody amazing to come into their life to push them into that “exciting” lifestyle. But what we have to realize is, nobody is coming to push us… we have to start living our most exciting lifestyle and, by and by, we’ll attract—we’ll pull—amazing people in.

Not because they saw somebody living in a boring way and made it their mission to make it exciting for them…

…But because they saw somebody living in an exciting way and wanted to join them.

Before heading to the music show last weekend, after just having finished dinner, one of my friends spotted a group of people hanging out who looked like they were going to the same show as us.

“Let’s go say what’s up to those guys before we head over…” He suggested.

Which isn’t something I usually think to do.

But we did.

And it went way better than I initially felt it would go.

See initially, I felt it would be awkward… like it was a bit of a disruption to their hangout… like it would be better to talk to people who were already at the venue…

But I was wrong.

It was an easy flowing conversation… a welcomed connection before the show… and we had people to look out for once we got to the venue.

This is why it’s so good to hang out with people who inspire you to do things outside of your comfort zone.

It never would’ve happened on my own.

Yesterday, a martial arts student of mine gave a research presentation at his local high school.

He had been researching and preparing this presentation for around eight months and was focused on how martial arts affects self-esteem and personal growth.

And one of his key findings was the role that community and the “martial arts family environment” played. His original hypothesis was focused on testing the effects of martial arts training on the individual, but the sweeping majority of people he interviewed mentioned the power, importance, and impact of the other martial artists.

It’s just another reminder that it’s not necessarily what you do… but who you’re able to do it with.

As another example, when I was in school, whoever my favorite teacher was and whichever class had my friends (and cutest girls) in it—was my favorite class. It wasn’t the subject matter that made the big difference per se… it was the people.

And the same is true for many things in life. Get your tribe right… and the rest usually takes care of itself.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but take a few minutes to let this Swedish proverb sink into your soul: “Joy shared is doubled, sorrow shared is halved.”

Could there be a more clear reason to invest in community? To initiate conversation and hangouts with family, friends, and acquaintances? To take a chance on strangers in the name of connection?

I believe firmly in estimates of this proverb.

But only if the joy and sorrow shared is with somebody who is aligned with your energy and is willing to “take” and “hold” your joy and sorrow in all of its rawness.

…And in a world where most of what’s shared is virtual and with people who are doom scrolling and too distracted to care one way or another… the in-real-life efforts are more important—and worth more—than ever before.