Category: Understanding Love

Rather than get yourself into the mindset of, “It’s probably not a good time” whenever you think about reaching out to someone, try on the mindset of, “It’s never a bad time to try.”

“It’s probably not a good time” leads to delays, the same thought later, and further delays.

“It’s never a bad time” leads to an initiative, an invitation, and much sooner connection.

Simply consider the following when taking a connection initiative:

• Most modern folk are hyper-phone-aware and have things set to the appropriate mode at just about every moment of the day.
• If you think it’s a bad time to call, send a text. Something as simple as, “Hey! I was thinking about you. Hope all is well. Shoot me a text or give me a call when you get a chance.”
• And if you’re still self-conscious about that, send a social media message or email. If that wakes them up or disrupts their day, that’s on them—and you should probably have a chat with them about appropriate notification modes (lol).

I share this today because I think more people need to hear it. Particularly because yes, I think there’s a regression in authentic human connection happening, but no, not because we don’t want it. I think it’s simply because we’re talking ourselves out of it.

Take away the excuses and delays. If someone comes to mind, and you feel compelled to, act on it. Middle of work, watching the game, even sleeping—I don’t think anyone is going to be mad about an authentic human connection invitation being sent to them at any point of their day.

Remember in those moments when you feel alone…

And in those moments when you feel defeated…

And in those moments when you feel inexplicably sad or depressed or angry…

You are not a stranger acting strangely; you are a human being, acting like a human being.

These emotions are not uniquely felt by you and you alone…

They are shared by us all.

It is what unites us and what gives us a depth inside our shared experience.

So that when we come out on the other side and feel connected…

And in those moments when we feel victorious…

And in those moments when we feel inexplicably happy or joyful or calm…

We can remember that this isn’t the exclusive human experience—it is but only one side of the same coin.

And we can stop acting like a stranger to those who are experiencing the opposite side of the coin. Because when it is us whose life has been flipped, I can tell you right now, having people on the other side connect with us is going to be something that’s not quickly forgotten.

Last week I had someone reach out and towards the end of their message say, “…I’m really just trying to find motivation to be alive much less be healthy and focus on myself. My family is the only incentive I’ve got lately and I constantly feel like I’m failing them.”

And this was coming from somebody who devotes almost everything to their family. From the moment they wake up until the moment they go to bed, it’s all about providing for, supporting, and being with their family.

…And yet, when family members are still struggling, I can see how somebody could get the feeling they’re failing them.

And so I replied to that part of the message with the following, “You are an incredible support and strength to your family. Even if you sometimes don’t feel it. And the time, energy, and effort you put into them is the very currency that love is made of. And while it might not feel like it’s being received, I can promise you it is.”

And the reason I can say that so confidently is because I imagine the family’s life without this person in it. And from that meditative perspective, it all falls apart. Unquestionably. And only more significantly and tragically so if this person was lost in a tragic way.

The familial success, in this case, is the currency that keeps getting reinvested back into the family. The time. The energy. The effort. It’s the most valuable currency of any family. And when those within are committed to reinvesting back in such constructive and positive ways… how could the result not be successful?

…Especially in comparison to the opposite scenario.

A life tip: If there’s something you want to do, and the people in your life don’t want to do it with you—do it anyway… do it solo.

…Why?

Because that’s the very place where you meet the people who want to do those kinds of things with you.

Your people are out there.

Sometimes you just have to meet them without the people you currently have in your life.

In fact, the people in your life might very well be a crutch to meeting the others.

Which isn’t a shot at the people in your life. It’s just that nobody can be everything to a person.

Different people serve different roles in a person’s life. And if there’s a role you feel isn’t being fulfilled—it’s not their fault. It’s your opportunity to go out and find the ones who will help you fulfill it.

The question is: will you find the courage to venture out alone?

I got a new phone today.

While syncing the old to the new, I saw there were 117,000+ text messages that were queued for transfer.

And how interesting to think that every relationship I have in my life is directly correlated to what I chose to send in my portion of the 117,000+ messages.

…There’s an infinite number of ways I could have chosen to initiate and respond—and yet, I chose how I did.

…For better? For worse?

…Yes to both, I’d say.

My thought for today is focused on the next 117,000+.

How can I be more mindful? More timely? More authentic? More empathetic? More clear?

Sure, their bubble is their responsibility. But also and just as important: my bubble is mine.

This past weekend, I had an incredible time with friends.

…Friends who I met through another friend.

And how did I meet that friend?

…By asking her if she was okay at a music show.

She looked a little off and I offered her a hand, some water, and some support.

And once she was feeling better, we spent the rest of the night dancing.

The need for connection has never felt more prominent than it does today.

…Behind screens? People are connection machines.

…But in real life? …There’s a sad disconnect.

There’s hesitation. There’s shyness. There’s self-consciousness. And the disconnected gap only seems to be growing.

The strategy? …Start with the basics.

Become excellent at complimenting strangers. Look for ways you can be helpful—and act. And of course, smile… say, “Hi” first… and learn how to lean into and follow your curiosity with open-ended questions.

Getting even just 1% better in this department could lead to the one conversation that influences every other future connection in your life.