Category: Understanding Love

Today, I found a gift I never gave.

It was two books wrapped with an enclosed card.

What I wrote was something sentimental and specific to the person and what they were going through at a specific time. An offering of some ideas that they might hold on to to help them carry on. And the books, of course, were thematically related to this notion.

The reason I never gave the gifts was because they slid into an out of sight position in my car and after a while, I just forgot about them completely. Once I rediscovered them, it was way past the occasion for the gift and so I just left them.

And it makes me wonder… had I gotten those gifts to that person, how might it’ve changed them? Would the words have landed? Would the books have made an impact?

Or would it have been a notion that was temporarily appreciated and then forgotten about? Would the words have fallen flat? Would the books have just been stored on their shelves and left unread?

Which makes me think… is it possible to give a gift and not have it make some type of impact on the other person? Even if the words didn’t strike a chord… even if the books weren’t read… is it possible to offer something so thoughtful and human without changing the other even one tenth of a degree in a better direction?

To which I’d say… after thinking about it… I don’t think so.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Want to learn how to have better conversations? Ask better questions.

Want to learn how to become more interesting? Become more interested.

Want to learn how to more smoothly break the ice? Subtract as much hesitation as you can and simply shoot your first question.

Curiosity is the key to great conversation.

And if you’re worried about awkward silences, here’s a pro-tip I learned from a friend: lean into the silence and let it linger. Think carefully about what’s been said and construct your next question without haste. You might be surprised how often people will reflexively fill that void first and offer additional thoughts for your curiosity to chew on.

Finally, when engaging in casual conversation, a bit short is always better than a bit long.

…Because a bit short implies there were some curiosities that weren’t fully explored—which is an excellent opener for your next interaction.

P.s. How To Have Great Conversations in 7 Steps ➜

What follows is a quote from Sheldon B. Kopp from his book, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him!  In it, I found there to be some pretty profound ideas worth sharing and elaborating on. Let’s dive in:

“If I am transparent enough to myself, then I can become less afraid of those hidden selves that my transparency may reveal to others…” How true is it that we hide what’s within, not because we want to hide… but because we’re afraid of what we might find—it’s something we haven’t fully explored yet ourselves. And until we explore it—via writing, reflecting, meditating, etc—we’ll likely continue to struggle with transparency.

“…If I reveal myself without worrying about how others will respond, then some will care, though others may not.” We’ve all met a few of them in life. The rare ones who are who they are and don’t give one care what anybody thinks about it. And their authenticity makes them attractive—to some… and a repellant to others. The key is that it’s attractive to some—the ones who vibe at a similar frequency and want to join your tribe. The others don’t matter.

“…But who can love me, if no one knows me?” …And if you don’t know yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

“…I must risk it, or live alone. It is enough that I must die alone. I am determined to let down, whatever the risks, if it means that I may have whatever is there for me.” …Even if what’s there is pain, suffering, and loss. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

“I saw him dancing on the dance floor on New Year’s Eve with two empty champagne glasses and I knew I had to meet him.”

This is what one of the parents told me when I asked her how she and her husband met.

She added, “I wasn’t even going to go out that night, but my friends forced me.”

And there they were, coming up on their 33rd New Year’s Eve together.

I love this story for two reasons.

One, it’s a wonderful reminder to dance. To put yourself out there and worry less about what other people think. It’s exactly how you eventually attract the ones who see you for who you are… not for who you go on pretending to be.

Two, it’s a wonderful reminder to do things—even when you sometimes don’t want to. I’m the type who can stay home for an entire weekend, alone, and love every second of it. And a lot of the time, that’s exactly what I’ll do. But, when I make plans to go out or do something fun (which I often have to remind myself to do), I try to stick to them. Because I know that while staying in can serve a valuable purpose… going out can, too.

…And what a shame it would be to miss the chance to meet the person who may very well lead to the adventure that lasts a lifetime.

I found a small 2 inch by 4 inch piece of paper hidden inside one of the books I’m currently reading.

On it were two fill-in-the-blank sentences with handwritten answers by, presumably, Becca—who wrote her name sideways in the bottom left corner of the paper.

The first sentence started with, “What I really admire about you is…” which was filled in with the following answer: “…how you care for your friends when their front teeth are missing :)”

The second sentence started with, “At work, you are great at…” which was filled in with, “…always having a warm and pleasant demeanor.”

…I’ll sometimes do this exercise in schools when giving a presentation where I ask the student audience if any of them have a best friend. Most will raise their hands. Then I’ll ask if any of them can tell me why that person is their best friend. What follows are usually things like:

• Is kind
• Is funny
• Is helpful
• Spends time with me
• Cheers me up when I’m sad
• Has the same interests as me
• And so on…

What’s worth pointing out in both of these above examples is what isn’t mentioned. Neither Becca nor ANY of the student body groups (I’ve spoken to so far) said anything about:

• Is rich
• Is (insta)famous
• Wears brand name clothes
• Never makes mistakes
• Has the freshest Nikes
• Has the newest iPhone
• And so on…

At the end of the day… what people remember about you isn’t what you bought, how well known you were, how “perfect” you were…

What they remember is your character, your personality, the actions you took…

…Don’t let List #2 make you forget it.