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Category: Understanding Love

How Strange [Poem]

How strange
To feel no hesitation at all
When getting skin carved
Ideas entrenched permanently
Even my 80 year old self
Won’t be able to unsee

It makes me think
That the time spent waiting
Brainstorming
And contemplating
—34 years after all
Was worth it
Like I timed it out perfectly
Like the mixed from the feelings
Like the fads, naivety, and temporary desires
Were filtered thoroughly
And left but only a more clear identity

How strange
To find love here
As I stare at healing flesh
As I trace these peeling lines
As I pat these itching scars
Something—you—become something
I start to recognize
This time spent waiting
The brainstorming; contemplating
The filtering and not settling
…As an outlining

A careful realization
A conversation with my 80 year old self
A constant clearing
Of more and more blind desire and hesitation
Resulting ultimately with you—a without a doubt vision
Of who my permanent person will be

P.s. You can read my other poems here.

You, Through Me [Poem]

I want the reflection you see
Of yourself through me
To be the beauty you’ve nurtured inside
Personified and illustrated clearly

…Screw what the mirror’s got to say!

Screens, glass, and relaxed water beds
Should all want to take notes
After seeing what the iris of my eye
Sends deep within your galaxies

Your worth, your potential, your confidence
Decoded and displayed plainly
A proper reflection made foreign by society
For you to double take, glance back, and do so on repeat

No swiping required; No comparisonism or fees
Just patience, presence, and other modern day elixirs
…A vision of everything you could be
Made readily available; packaged inside but a glance

All you have to do to remember is look…
See through me.

P.s. You can read my other poems here.

Bring Sparks To Conversations

Conversation starting is a lot easier when you have something non-programmed to say.

When people ask you what’s up, rather than reply with “nothing much,” reply with something specific that’s “up” and at the top of your mind. What are you excited about? What experiences stand out from your everyday norm? What have you been thinking about a lot?

When people ask you how it’s going, rather than reply with “good,” reply with an honest answer on how your day/week/month/life is unfolding. What emotions have you been feeling more of/less of lately? What obstacles are you dealing with? What victories are you celebrating?

When people ask you what’s new, rather than reply with “same old,” reply with a short highlight reel of what’s actually new in your life from when you saw that person last. What new skills are you building/thinking of building? What travel/adventure/event plans have you recently made? Who have you seen or made plans to see?

…And don’t worry too much on how any of the above will be received. Just put it out there and see where it leads. At the very least, I can tell you this much… it’ll lead to far more conversation possibilities than the above mentioned “programmed” responses.

Figuring out these non-programmed-type answers on the spot can be hard. So, maybe try taking a few minutes each morning to answer these questions for yourself ahead of time. At the very least, I can tell you this much… it’ll lead to far more internal awareness than you might’ve had before.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Rhythmic Living

Social interaction is like breathing.

Time spent with people and time spent without people is like breathing in and breathing out.

…Which is considered a breath in and which is considered a breath out, however, differs person to person.

For some, time alone is a breath in and time spent with others is a breath out.

For others, time spent with others is a breath in and time spent alone is a breath out.

Neither way is better than the other—breathing is breathing.

What’s important to know, however, is which feels like which to you and then balancing in the appropriate opposite so as to establish a steady breathing pattern.

Time spent alone is breathing in for me. Time spent with others is breathing out.

Whenever I’m feeling drained, irritable, or frustrated—I know I probably need to step away from people and take a deep breath in.

And whenever I’m feeling excited, lonely, or some kind of depressed—I know I probably need to get out of my own head and breathe out.

Virtual doesn’t count.

Breathing is IRL only.

And if you get this balance right, your life will probably start to feel a whole lot less suffocating and sporadic a whole lot more rhythmic.

Controlling Stimuli > Controlling Responses

Every stimulus begs a response.

  • Your phone rings from every call—and “likely spam” is your bff. You must decide if you’ll look, not look, answer, or ignore—every time.
  • An app sends a notification. You must decide if you’ll clear it, check it (and likely go down the rabbit hole), or ignore it (and wonder about it on and off until you check it).
  • A company emails you about a sale. You must decide if you’ll read it, click it, trash it, or ignore it.
  • A friend asks you to do something you don’t want to. You must decide if you’ll say yes, say no, or come up with some kind of excuse or delay.
  • The social media accounts you follow show hyper fit and popular people doing incredible and hilarious things that make you feel bad about yourself. You must decide if you’ll leave it and keep opening and scrolling, if you’ll unfollow/mute/block, or if you’ll ignore.

It’s one thing to work really hard to train your responses. To understand that the gap between stimulus and response is your destiny. To learn to control anger, to calm yourself after getting triggered, to manage your impulses to indulge, to have the confidence to stand up for yourself, to teach yourself to love yourself and not compare yourself to others…

…And it’s a whole ‘nother thing to design your lifestyle in a way that those types of stimuli that illicit those types of undesirable responses don’t even exist.

P.s. If you enjoy getting these types of morning stimuli, you can support my future work by filling up my cup with that hot, brown goodness here.

Not Every Stranger Is Out To Get You

As I was walking my dog yesterday, I came across a neighbor’s kid who was outside practicing soccer.

He was jumping up and down passing the ball one foot to the other presumably drilling ball handling skills.

But, when he saw my dog and I coming, he subtly grabbed the ball and walked off his front lawn, up his driveway, and to the back of his house—completely out of sight as we passed.

And it made me feel bad/sad.

I don’t know if he was shy or if I looked intimidating or if my dog looked intimidating or what…

But, I certainly didn’t want to interrupt his practice or make him feel awkward.

And I certainly would’ve said “Hi” and smiled as we passed.

Heck, I would’ve even kicked the ball with him if he hit it my way and we could’ve become acquainted as neighbor friends.

I write this as a reminder that not every stranger is out to get you… that not every social interaction is going to be as awkward or one-sided as you might think… that there is a lot more good in the world than the news/media might make you believe.

And while it’s undoubtedly important to teach people to be cautious (as a martial arts instructor, this is one of the major lessons I teach)… I’d argue it’s just as important to teach people to be brave.

The Measure of Your Love

I think love can most accurately be measured in moments of presence.

Because moments spent thinking of the past or spent spaced out and imagining the future aren’t moments you can also overflow in the now.

The moment your mind leaves the now… your love leaves with you.

Which isn’t to say we should never visit the past—there’s a time and a place for that.

And it isn’t to say you should never visit the future—how else can you chart out your life’s path?

It’s merely to say, the measure of your love isn’t equal to the total time spent with another person any more than it’s the measure of the total time you’ve spent with yourself.

Those who measure highest in self-love are the ones who have spent the most time in presence with themselves—working through the heavy, turbulent, crap times as much as they might’ve spent soaking in the more light, joyful, easy times. And so it is for those who measure the highest in joint love, too.

…If you’re looking for love, looking to rekindle a love, or looking to deepen your current love, I’d say, start with here.

Inner work prompt: Your turn. How do you think love can most accurately be measured?