“How do you know when you’re in love?” She asked.
When the desire for pleasure is gone… And yet… They’re still able to halt time.
I help busy people do inner work.
“How do you know when you’re in love?” She asked.
When the desire for pleasure is gone… And yet… They’re still able to halt time.
There are countless gifts being exchanged across the world during this time of the year.
And I’m sure you have many gifts you’ll be exchanging as well.
A question: What gift are you most excited to give?
…And why?
Is it because of how personable it is? How hard it was to find? How much time/energy/effort went into making it/deciding on it?
Ultimately… the gift we’re most excited to give is the one we probably think is going to elicit the biggest emotional response.
Because at the end of the day, what we’re really after when we exchange gifts isn’t an item for another item… what we’re after is an exchange of emotions. Joy for joy. Gratitude for gratitude. Excitement for excitement.
Remember this not only as you’re giving gifts… but as you’re receiving gifts, too.
Sometimes, the best gift you can give has nothing to do with anything you bought… but rather has everything to do with the type of responses you give when you open something someone else bought you.
When most people hear tournament, they think competition… they think going up against others to score some kind of win or victory… they think comparison opportunity.
This past weekend, while hosting a martial arts tournament, I was thoroughly impressed with one of the visiting masters who brought an entirely different kind of energy to the event.
Rather than a, “let’s see how many of their students we can beat…” kind of energy, what he brought was a “let’s show appreciation to those who are helping promote the spread of traditional martial arts…” kind of energy.
And he showed up, not with an intention of taking as many of our trophies as possible, but with official certificates of appreciation that they honored several of our staff with.
…What he brought was honor and dignity to our event. More than was there before.
And in a world where so many people are focused exclusively on social hierarchies and clawing tooth and nail to improve their status… this was exactly the kind of breath of fresh air I—most probably we—needed.
Inner Work Prompt: Rather than focus on how you might be better than others or how they might be worse… how can you bring honor and dignity to those around you instead?
In reply to my post yesterday, one reader quoted the following line:
“Surround yourself with people who feel like a dark cloud or barren desert and you’ll struggle accordingly. Surround yourself with people who act like sun and water and you’ll grow just fine.”
…And said, “…I wish we could hear this on mainstream media.”
To which I replied, “Agreed. Mainstream media is feeling more and more like dark clouds and barren desert by the day. Guess we’ll have to make our own sun and water and surround ourselves with people who think and do the same.”
…Because here’s what’s crucial to understand: the less we try to take control over the amount of sun and water that touches our life, the more we’ll get controlled by the dark clouds and barren deserts.
…Because dark clouds and barren deserts don’t wait patiently for their turn or passively idle in the background of our life… they’re aggressive seekers of power/attention/control and will only continue to succeed in obtaining exactly that the more people (hopefully not us) decide to go with the modern flow and relent.
P.s. I finished uploading quotes from Waking Up by Sam Harris. You can read my 19 favorites here.
One of the dads I play basketball with brought his son—maybe 14 years old—to play with us today.
Basketball isn’t this kid’s first choice sport and it was pretty evident that it wasn’t something he practiced very often—it was something he was doing for the fun, the workout, and the connection… very much like myself.
What was cool to see, however, was how inviting and supportive the rest of the crew was with him. It didn’t matter if he rushed a play, shot an airball, or mis-dribbled and got it stolen… everybody was deliberately trying to keep his spirits up and was praising him for taking opportunities when he did.
Like a budding plant… those initial interactions in this new world for him are crucial.
They’re the difference between playing again and quitting; wanting to practice and wanting to avoid; speaking constructively to himself and self-sabotaging.
Surround yourself with people who feel like a dark cloud or barren desert and you’ll struggle accordingly.
Surround yourself with people who act like sun and water and you’ll grow just fine.
P.s. ICYMI you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.
I was watching a video today that concluded with the following question: “Tell me about a time when you’ve felt most loved by me…”
A son answered: “After my last high school football game, when it was just me and you in the parking lot… just embracing each other and I was just crying because it was my last game. That was kind of like you sending me off in a way…”
A daughter answered: “The thing that really stands out for me is how you always supported me. The way that you saw I loved something and really helped nurture it. It was always special to know that whenever I looked up into the stands you were always going to be there 99% of the time.”
A mother answered: “When I had my heart attack… You came to the hospital… and you were really firm with me… and you almost made me feel guilty for having a heart attack… and I told your siblings, ‘I can’t die because Caitlyn will beat the sh*t out of me.’ And I knew that was because you loved me so much.”
A father answered: “I came home from work and you were in the front yard doing a video… maybe a snapchat or something… and you saw me pull up and said, ‘Hey dad, come here!’ And you had this pretty cool rap song playing… and I did my ‘old, white man dance…’ and I looked like and idiot… but I felt like you accepted me… and that you weren’t ashamed of your goofy looking dad.”
Inner Work Prompt: If somebody asked your loved ones this question… how do you think they’d respond?
A mom from the martial arts school I teach at shared a story with me the other day of another instructor and her son (6 years old) that she was really touched by.
She told me her son promised this instructor that he would show him his baseball cards.
…And as they were loading up into the car after having already finished class, her son remembered his promise and asked his mom if they could go back. His mom told him they could always show him next time, but her son persisted. And she eventually relented.
When they got back inside, he proudly took his cards up to this instructor and stood in his sight, ready to show and be seen.
And rather than take a quick glance and give a quick high five or rush through the impromptu show and tell presentation, this instructor knelt down next to him and patiently looked at each of his 30ish cards, one card at a time, as he slowly flipped through.
…What’s more is that his mom said her son didn’t even say anything about any of them. He just silently thumbed through each as the instructor silently and attentively looked on.
And it proved to her son that what he felt was important was also important to the instructor because of the energy and intention he was met with. And the situation went from what could’ve been a superficial, non-meaningful exchange to a special moment that legitimately strengthened a bond.
…And the difference couldn’t have been made by anything more than 60 seconds.