The picture you paint in your mind as you read the words I arrange is the art we create together
I help busy people do inner work.
The picture you paint in your mind as you read the words I arrange is the art we create together
If we’re talking and you turn to a screen, I’m going to completely stop talking until you turn back.
Point blank.
Here’s why:
A) Something popped into your mind that you felt was more important than our conversation, so I’m not going to distract you while you handle whatever it was that couldn’t wait. And I’m either going to postpone our conversation until you’re done or standby awkwardly until you’re ready to continue.
B) You decided the conversation wasn’t worth your undivided attention and so you divided it to keep yourself maximally stimulated. Now, since 1) multi-tasking is a myth, 2) most communication happens visually, 3) I’m not interested in repeating myself and/or having a throttled conversation—I’m going to do us both a favor and stop communicating altogether.
Because you know what’s worse than not communicating at all?
Fragmented communication that gets misconstrued. I’ve learned this the hard way.
So, go ahead: check your screen—I’ll wait. Or maybe I won’t.
But, I’m definitely not going to keep talking to a fragmented piece of your attention.
Love is not something that is mastered in but one moment.
To have mastered something is to imply its completion—and love is never “done.”
To masterfully craft a loving moment is as much a completed gift as it is an understanding that a new gift will need to be crafted in the next.
Otherwise, as all gifts eventually do, its warmth and shine will slowly fade.
And not because the gift that you masterfully crafted wasn’t good enough, but because of the eventual overwhelm of the following moments when no gift is crafted at all.
Love needs to be renewed.
And fortunately, there is an inextinguishable source of love inside each of us that we can draw from. That we can use to masterfully craft another loving gift in this moment and the next.
Be it a sincere compliment, a warm embrace, a chivalrous gesture, a thoughtful note, a compassionate ear, an intimate night free from distraction, or a “just because” gift when the opportunity is there.
Love is not something we can state in one moment and be done stating forevermore.
It’s not an act that is completed that will cover you forevermore.
Love is something only mastered in moments—and it will always be the case now and forevermore.
Not having it all figured out is an excellent place to come from when connecting with people.
Because here’s the thing: neither does anybody else.
Too many people forget this.
Figuring things out together is a magnet for connection.
It allows for reciprocity. It allows for synergy and exchange. It allows for healing and growth.
And, what’s more, is that it will help you figure things out faster than trying (waiting) alone ever will.
With vulnerability and authenticity, arguments aren’t needed—genuine connection happens seamlessly.
When walls are built around emotions and facades cover feelings, arguments act as the storms that tear down those “fronts” to finally expose what’s fortified underneath:
Vulnerability and authenticity.
“What if it turns out way better than you could have imagined?”
Unknown, via MoveMe Quotes
We are not strangers. We simply haven’t gotten to know each other yet. Think about how much of what makes up the other is already known. Happiness and sadness; joy and anger; patience and annoyance; presence and grief; love and hate—we all have these elements inside and, relatively speaking, we understand them.
What’s unknown, however, is the other person’s composition of those elements which makes them uniquely who they are. To what extent do they experience happiness versus sadness? How much do they express joy versus anger? Are they someone who is understanding or someone who is close-minded? And so forth.
And how to better understand another person’s composition? By understanding the stories that shaped their composition. And how to better understand their stories? By understanding, not just the raw events of their life, but by understanding their perception of the events that happened to them that became the stories of their life.
If perception is reality, then understanding another person’s perception is the key to understanding their reality.
Understanding happiness is a notable task—but it won’t explain a stranger’s smile. Understanding sadness is a worthy pursuit—but it won’t explain another person’s sadness. Understanding love is remarkably important—but it won’t explain another person’s love life.
What’s missing from the static examination of a singular element (like happiness) is a view of the bigger picture at play that is the dynamic interplay between all of a person’s elements. And one of the most powerful ways to obtain that dynamic interplay is through dynamic, perception-sharing interactions.
Or, more simply stated, by asking and answering interesting questions. For what are questions but the ultimate tool for obtaining another person’s perceptions? How better to open the compartments of another person’s mind than by using the precise key that opens that compartment?
If you view everyone around you as a stranger, then maybe you’re just not asking enough (the right) questions. We are all fundamentally composed of the same matter. We all have fundamentally the same feelings. We all wish to experience fundamentally the same things. It all is just unevenly distributed and uniquely interpreted.
The person who sees this, sees a world filled with more potential friends than strangers—they just haven’t taken the time to confirm it yet.