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Category: Transforming Pain

The Ripples of Life

Published on May 26, 2023

Today, I attended a wake for the father of a childhood friend.

I never met him, so I’m unable to comment on his life myself. But, how others summarize the life of another—someone dear to them—in the brief time allotted at a remembrance gathering will forever intrigue me.

Some of the themes that were shared of this gentlemen:

  • He was an honest man. Told you how he saw it. Sometimes to a fault.
  • Helped a tremendous number of people via Alcoholics Anonymous, St. Mary’s School for the Deaf, and his big & open heart.
  • Was brought to life by music and nature. If you looked at his face at a live show of a band he liked, he’d look like a child who just witnessed a miracle. And if there is a heaven, he’d be listening to live music near a cool stream of water.

At the end of a life, what we’re left with is legacy—the ripples of influence that flow forever outward as a result of our life actions. And if we’re lucky, some of those ripples carry on in the lives of others and continue to create fresh ripples long after we’re gone.

Today, I hope in hearing about this stranger’s legacy, you’re moved to be more deliberate in how you create ripples. Life is short. Don’t take ripple opportunities for granted.

Singular Lines and Snapshots Memories

Published on May 14, 2023

“He was a good man; he lived a good life.”

…Was said to me by a friend in regards to his father who reached the end of his life.

And I couldn’t help but think about how, after everything—after the millions of minutes lived and experienced in this lifetime—people will generally remember us in singular lines and snapshot memories.

Which is why before you’ve done everything you’ll ever be able to do (a sobering thought), you should consider what you would most like people to say and remember about you now… and live more often from that place so you don’t end up authoring something you later regret.

Inner work prompt: What do you hope people will say about you after you pass? Can you boil it down to one line?

Lightness Through Heaviness

Published on April 18, 2023

There are zero pictures of me at my worst.

Why? Because I either refused to have them taken or destroyed them.

This is not the way.

It’s important to appreciate each stage of the journey.

Even the stages when you feel awful, ugly, stupid, hopeless, and/or unloveable. Buried deep within all that heaviness is an all-powerful, infinitely-renewable energy source that can propel you forward in ways unimaginable to the person who has only been granted lightness.

Lightness is an ideal—yes.

But, heaviness is an incredible tool.

And those who arrive at lightness through heaviness—feel raw lightness in a way that others only know how to take for granted.

And lightness taken for granted isn’t lightness experienced at all.

P.s. In Meditation #4 of The Art of Forward, I share a very similar concept as the one above titled, “The Ocean of Emotion Within.” Here’s a link to that meditation for free. :)

Quiet Contentment

Published on April 12, 2023

Below are my answers to yesterday’s inner work prompt questions.

Who can you spend an hour (or several) in silence with—unawkwardly? This past weekend, I drove to Philadelphia, PA with my mom and grandmother to visit my aunt and her family. It’s about a 6 hour drive from where I live and one of the interesting dynamics in the car was that nothing was played through the car’s speakers for the entire ride.

No music, no podcasts, no videos, no radio, no nothing.

It was just me, my mom, and my grandma for 6 hours in the car either talking or sitting in silence. And while there were many great conversations—there was certainly more silence than chat. Yet not a moment, either there or back, that felt awkward to me.

How did you get to that place? I think it was largely through the example that my mom and grandma set. They each have this ability to sit unawkwardly in their own silence and remain perfectly content for the entire duration of a sit and it’s something I noticed and emulated. To take it a step further, I think getting to this place is a byproduct of having completed sufficient inner work.

When you don’t have to drown out an inner noise, distract upsetting thoughts, or entertain a dopamine addicted mind… sitting in presence becomes pleasurable in and of itself.

How might you get to that place inside yourself? One inner work session at a time. Every time you introspectively write, meditatively sit, and/or honestly answer inwardly pointed questions, you get closer to that state of quiet contentment.

…Which is worth every ounce of effort invested.

What to do when you don’t feel like yourself?

Published on April 6, 2023

I think it’s important to first point out that none of us is just one composition of feeling. We are a melting pot of ALL the feelings.

Like a melting pot, when all of the various ingredients (feelings) are getting combined in relatively the same ways… you’ll get relatively the same taste—which becomes what we might consider: feeling like ourself.

When one or more ingredients start to get added disproportionally to the pot, it’ll modify the taste. As is the case when one or more feelings get disproportionately added to our inner state.

The trick then, becomes identifying and reducing the ingredients that are “undesireably” affecting the pot while finding ways to increase the desired ones so as to get the pot back to “normal.”

For example, when cooking, it’s obvious when too much salt has been added to a recipe. A simple solution, is to (1) stop adding more salt and (2) add more of the other ingredients to dilute the power of the salt.

In life, when we feel a rise in an unfamiliar/ uncomfortable feeling, we start by identifying what it is. Once we’ve identified it and can name it, we trace the origin of the feeling to it’s root cause. Then we (1) stop allowing whatever’s causing it to make it worse and (2) add more of the other ingredients that lead to the more desired feelings we’re after.

And soon thereafter (maybe not right away, but soon), you’ll start to slowly feel more like your normal “recipe-d” self.

P.s. I also published: 37 Robert A. Johnson Quotes from Inner Work To Convince You Dreams Aren’t Arbitrary.

On Serving Others

Published on March 23, 2023

To the person who’s too busy serving others to serve themself,

Remember, the outer community you’re a part of isn’t the only community that needs to be served. There is an entire inner world of characters who require time, energy, and attention, too. And when those inner characters aren’t served… they start to act out, create conflict, and rebel. This can be felt in emotional uprisings, a nagging resistance, and a lurking uneasiness. If serving others makes you happy (which is how you’ve always justified the corresponding inner consequences) maybe seeing what’s happening within as its own community of characters will help? Not only will prioritizing your inner characters allow you to still serve others (e.g. your inner child) but it’ll allow you to enter a more emotionally light place, with less resistance, and with an ever-increasing feeling of ease. And how much happier (and better able to serve others in reality) might you be if you did that?

Sincerely,

Your Inner Work Person

P.s. I finished uploading quotes from Inner Work by Robert Johnson. This post was largely inspired by what I learned from that book. Check out my 40 favorite quotes here ➜

The Comparison Sweet Spot

Published on March 17, 2023

First of all, I’m in camp: comparison is at the root of all unhappiness.

However, there is a comparison sweet spot that can be healthy and motivational.

The modern day dilemma is that most of the comparison that happens in our digital, ever-connected lives is with people who are in completely different leagues than us.

Why? Because it’s the best in the game—across all domains—who get the most view time on media platforms.

It’s the most fit athletes, the most attractive influencers, the most witty entertainers, the most successful business people, the most risky stunts people, etc. who capture and keep the most attention.

It only makes sense.

What we need to be conscious of is when it doesn’t make sense for us and our mental health.

And when it doesn’t make sense is when we’re aspiring to be more fit and we’re comparing ourselves to the million follower athlete. Or when we’re an aspiring side hustler and we’re comparing ourselves to the full-time, six-figure, media-empire-content-creator. Or when we’re an aspiring writer and we’re comparing ourselves to Stephen King.

See, nothing squashes motivation faster than putting yourself up against somebody who you know you don’t stand a chance against.

Where the motivation scales tip in our favor, however, is when we compare ourselves to people who are only a few steps ahead of us; people who we feel we have a chance against; people who, with a little more work, we might catch.

We don’t become a pro right out of the gate. We get really good at the amateur level and work our way up—slowly. The same should be strictly followed in our digital lives, too.