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Category: Transforming Pain

Drop And Give Me 20!

Published on July 20, 2021

When I was a Martial Arts student, my teachers would give the entire class push-ups for the wrong-doings of a single student.

I hated being punished for things I didn’t do that were also out of my control. It made me resent them in many cases.

So, I resolved to never do that to a class when I became a teacher (Yes, I knew I wanted to be a Martial Arts teacher long before I ever was).

Now, the motto that I have worked tirelessly to embody is praise publicly, reprimand privately.

No longer is the attention of the class pointed towards the students’ wrongdoing—now it’s pointed towards the students who are doing things right. And the students who are doing wrong get a private conversation from a more experienced instructor who can compassionately help them understand and change their behaviors.

Had I not felt that resentment and planted that seed in my mind when I was a student all those year ago, maybe I never would have felt the need to change that tradition when I was in front of a class (with misbehaving students) all those later years.

You can learn just as much from the people who do wrong by you as you can from the people who do right by you.

You just have to keep an open mind and learn how to channel your negative emotions rather than let your negative emotions become you.

The Ocean Of Emotion Within

Published on July 13, 2021

Deep within each of us is an ocean.

An ocean of emotion collected over a lifetime of exchanges that sits at the core of our being.

When suppressed, our emotions, as water, run their way down our inner landscape from the heights of our conscious mind to the deepest parts of our subconscious. From the top of the clouds to the bottom of the ocean. From source to storage.

And with that storage comes a heaviness, like the ocean, that can’t be denied.

Many people look at that heaviness as a burden. As a collection of undesired, painful emotions that do nothing but weigh them down and cause them suffering.

But, what if I told you that all of that emotional water that you’ve collected was the very substance required to sustain and nourish inner life?

What if I told you that what the arid, drying, and dying landscape of your mind was craving was some of the very water that you backwardly have been suppressing and vilifying?

What if that ocean of water wasn’t a burden at all? What if it was the very source of your power, your insight, your wisdom, your creativity, your individuality—your life?

What if all you had to do was tap into it, like a well, and start pumping the water out to both nourish surrounding life and alleviate the weight that’s been holding you down?

Moving Forward In Darkness And In Light

Published on June 24, 2021

Observing—even learning from—other people’s mistakes can illuminate a path forward for you.

But, having your path illuminated is much different than trudging through the darkness yourself.

Use both to keep moving forward, but don’t expect one to act as a substitute for the other.

Some lessons can only be learned in the dark. And some roads are too hazardous to travel without light.

Where Best Moments Come

Published on June 21, 2021

I find that the best moments often closely follow the worst ones.

  • The moments of compassion that closely follow pain.
  • The moments of gratitude that closely follow grieving.
  • The moments of redemption that closely follow injustice.
  • The moments of decision that closely follow breaking points.
  • The moments of vulnerability that closely follow heated arguments.
  • The moments of presence that closely follow run ins with death.

If you find yourself in some of your worst moments, hang on. Allow the depth of the experience to move through you. Let it deepen your roots into the ground.

Remember that, eventually, your worst moments will be no more. They will pass as all moments do—best and worst alike. And, more solid into the ground, you will be able to reach higher into the sky than ever before.

How do I know this? Because it’s how great heights are only ever reached. Not in spite of the worst moments—as a result of them. Not without deepened roots—precisely because of them.

Sun Always Shines

Published on June 14, 2021 
 Sun always shines
 Earth may have turned
 Or clouds moved between
 But don’t confuse all dark with no sun
 Sun always shines
 

 Light in you always shines
 Though backs may turn
 Or moods may fog
 Don’t confuse all dark with no light
 Light in you always shines
 

 Building happens better in the light
 Don’t settle so quick for habits of the night
 While it may seem no end’s in sight
 And that life may only be squinting and strife
 Be patient
 Building happens better in the light
 

 Backs, as Earth, will rotate once more
 Clouds, as mind, will clear like before
 And what you will realize
 Is that light, while obstructed, was never that far
 The light in you was always shining
 As bright as before

Honoring Those Who Have Passed

Published on May 31, 2021

What’s the best way to honor those who have passed?

By keeping them alive in our thoughts and stories.

For at the end of life, isn’t that what we all want? To be remembered?

And not just as a person who died. But, remembered for the person we were when we were alive. The things we’d say. The emotions we’d show. The quirky things we’d do. The situations we’d speak up against. The values we’d relentlessly stand by. These are the things that bring a person to life after they, or we, have passed.

When someone passes, it can be hard to replay all of these things in our head. Painful emotional responses may erupt unwillingly which might makes us avoid, suppress, and/or distract ourselves from remembering. But, we mustn’t.

We must carefully replay the image of our loved one’s life in our mind and deeply embody the parts that impacted us. And then, as the only bearer of that part of their legacy from our own unique perspective, we must carefully replay that image for others so that they, too, can be impacted.

With this, I leave you with five thoughts: (1) Who do you honor in your life? (2) How do you honor them? (3) Who’s going to honor your life? (4) What parts of your life do you want people to embody the most? (5) How can you best embody those parts of your life while you’re still here?

Thoughts On Handling “Heavy” Days

Published on May 19, 2021

Do you ever get those days that just feel, heavy? That’s how the past few days have felt for me. I’m not quite sure why. Nothing obvious seems to be triggering it and I can’t seem to easily shake it. My instinct is to fight it or vilify it because it’s an undesired feeling, but maybe there’s a better way.

After thinking about it more deeply, it seems to me that vilifying an emotion is exactly what turns an emotion into a villain. After all, if it’s seen as a villain, called a villain, treated like a villain, and thrown aggressively into the darkness like a villain—how could it not become a villain? Maybe a better approach would be to allow it. To give it space. To let it move when it arrives. To give it the light of consciousness rather than the darkness of ignorance. To treat it with compassion.

Think about it. What happens when you choose to fight a passing by emotion? It’s precisely what causes it to stop in its tracks, put up its guard, and throw down against you and your will.

And it’s not like there are any “emotional police” who can come to break up the fight. It’s a battle to knockout or submission. And if one beats the other, then what? Hand shakes, inner peace, and lightness? I’d argue that the more likely outcome is resentment, begrudging, and spiraled darkness. And so the recurring battle against “heaviness” is born.

I believe that fighting an emotion—any emotion—will only negatively magnify it. Allowing an emotion to move is how it passes. Maybe this is why the “light” days seem to pass so quickly? You give them the space, path, light, and compassion to move comfortably forward and with ease—and so they do. Maybe that’s exactly what we need to do for our “heavy” days, too?