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Category: Transforming Pain

Thoughts On Handling “Heavy” Days

Published on May 19, 2021

Do you ever get those days that just feel, heavy? That’s how the past few days have felt for me. I’m not quite sure why. Nothing obvious seems to be triggering it and I can’t seem to easily shake it. My instinct is to fight it or vilify it because it’s an undesired feeling, but maybe there’s a better way.

After thinking about it more deeply, it seems to me that vilifying an emotion is exactly what turns an emotion into a villain. After all, if it’s seen as a villain, called a villain, treated like a villain, and thrown aggressively into the darkness like a villain—how could it not become a villain? Maybe a better approach would be to allow it. To give it space. To let it move when it arrives. To give it the light of consciousness rather than the darkness of ignorance. To treat it with compassion.

Think about it. What happens when you choose to fight a passing by emotion? It’s precisely what causes it to stop in its tracks, put up its guard, and throw down against you and your will.

And it’s not like there are any “emotional police” who can come to break up the fight. It’s a battle to knockout or submission. And if one beats the other, then what? Hand shakes, inner peace, and lightness? I’d argue that the more likely outcome is resentment, begrudging, and spiraled darkness. And so the recurring battle against “heaviness” is born.

I believe that fighting an emotion—any emotion—will only negatively magnify it. Allowing an emotion to move is how it passes. Maybe this is why the “light” days seem to pass so quickly? You give them the space, path, light, and compassion to move comfortably forward and with ease—and so they do. Maybe that’s exactly what we need to do for our “heavy” days, too?

On Feeling ALL Of Your Feelings

Published on May 11, 2021

“Feel all of your feelings but don’t assume to know what they mean. Allow the truth of each feeling to be revealed to you.”

Maryam Hasnaa, via MoveMe Quotes

Within each of us is an entire community of emotions. We are never composed of just one emotion. Our inner community is made up of happy emotions and sad emotions; excited emotions and anxious emotions; hopeful emotions and fearful emotions; loving emotions and hateful emotions; and so forth. And how we treat each of these emotions—each community member—will determine our overall spirit.

By expanding our inner workings from just “how we generally feel” to a community of individual members with different needs, we can start to honor each of our inner members with the attention, energy, and respect they deserve. The tendency, when focusing just on “overall feeling,” is to honor the feelings of happiness, joy, pleasure—and to suppress and vilify the feelings of sadness, upset, and hurt.

But, feelings of sadness, upset, and hurt don’t just come from nothing—they’re sourced from pain and are there to communicate crucial insights about your inner community.

When those community members are disrespected, blown off, and demonized—it makes things in your inner community worse. Eventually, as it happens in life, those community members start spewing hate, anger, and upset at other community members until—inevitably—there is an uprising. This is when breakdowns, explosions, and life-halting crisis happen. And it’s what will cause them to continue happening until the uprising has been properly dealt with and those community members have settled.

We have to look at ourselves as the presiding ruler of our inner community—because that’s what we are. We are not just one person who has one emotion at any given time. We are one person who is looking after many, many community emotions inside. And how we treat any of those emotions—community members—is as noteworthy and important as how we treat any of the others.

Hurt People, Hurt People—And What We Can Do To Heal Together

Published on May 10, 2021

“Hurt people, hurt people.”

Charles Eads, via MoveMe Quotes

Hate doesn’t just manifest itself from nothing. I believe firmly that we are all born pure manifestations of love and it is only from the suffering of life that we learn to hate. When traced honestly and mindfully, hate can usually be found rooted inside a person from potent and painful experiences. As a coping mechanism, hate acts as a way to retaliate back and hurt others the way that person was hurt.

The sad part, and a key part in this understanding is that usually, the conviction of a person’s hate is correlated to the pain they harbor. It’s where the expression, “Hurt people, hurt people” comes from. And it’s usually the case that really hurt people, really hurt people and less hurt people, hurt people less. Once we understand this, we can more mindfully begin our journey towards healing both within ourselves and with others.

And here’s the thing about healing and helping others heal: I don’t think any of us are “healed.” I think healing is a forever ongoing process. One that requires constant energy, attention, and time. Furthermore, I don’t think any of us are free from hurt. The suffering of life — in some way, shape, or form — is enough to include us all many times over. And with life being as chaotic, unpredictable, and turbulent as it is — the hurt and the healing will forever be changing all the same.

Once we understand the dynamics of hurting and healing, we can appreciate the scope of the situation we’re in. All of us are hurting — some more than others. All of us desire healing — nobody wants to remain hurt. The hurt comes as a given with life — life is suffering. Healing does not come as a given — it must be sought out and applied to one’s self. And as an act of compassion for the other, as we heal from our hurt, we can share what we’ve learned with others — so that they can hurt (and hate) less, too.

Share Your Art. Even When (Especially When) It’s Not Perfect

Published on April 4, 2021

“My life has been my music, it’s always come first, but the music ain’t worth nothing if you can’t lay it on the public.”

Louis Armstrong, via MoveMe Quotes

Artists look at their paintings and think: Ugh, those strokes.

Writers read their paragraphs and think: Ugh, those words.

Actors watch their performances and think: Ugh, those scenes.

The people those gifts weren’t intended for think: Ugh, why this?

The people those gifts were intended for think: Wow, thank you for this.

The people who never receive your gifts think: …

Well… nothing at all—what they see instead is an unexpressed, mysterious, doubt-filled person.

And what a poor replacement for what could have been a gift to the world.

Share your art.

Not when you look at your art and think: Wow, that’s perfect.

But, when you look at your art and think: Ugh, it’s not perfect, but it’s damn good.

Because sharing your art is how you share your self.

And who you are is an imperfect, ever-changing, highly-emotional being—

—Who is putting a fragment of themself out into the world as a gift.

A gift that says I’m human—maybe you’re human, too, and we can connect over this fragment?

Not everyone will. But, the ones who do?

The ones who do will change your thought processes; your direction; your art; your life.

And maybe your gifts will do the same for them.

The Sacred Responsibility Of Storytelling

Published on April 2, 2021

“Know someone as much as you can.  Hold onto the moments that define them.  Then when their body leaves, they won’t.”

Iain Thomas, via MoveMe Quotes

For a story to be told, there needs to be a storyteller. Even the most fantastical, awe-inspiring stories get forgotten when nobody remembers to tell it. Each of us holds a sacred responsibility to the other: to be the storytellers of each other’s lives. Or, said differently, we are the bearers of each other’s legacies.

We choose every day what stories to read, what stories to listen to, what stories to seek out, and what stories to share. The books that we read and don’t read; the conversations that we have and don’t have; and the sides of our own story that we share and don’t share—all make up the interconnected webbing of stories that thread their way through our minds and the minds of those around us.

When somebody passes away—when their body leaves—what’s left behind isn’t their story, it’s what’s remembered of their story. If nothing was ever shared of a person’s story, how can there be a story to tell? The knowledge of the story needs to be passed from one person to the other in order for that to happen.

Many people think their story is comprised of accomplishments, accolades, milestones, and status markers. But those elements rarely make for a good story. What makes for a good story is emotion—what that person was like while they were accomplishing; how they treated those around them in spite of the accolades; how they prioritized their time while they hit milestones; and what made that person authentically them regardless of any status markers.

We care about emotion because emotion is what makes us human. Emotion is what says, “Oh, you’ve felt that way too?” “I understand what you’re going through because I’ve been there.” “This is what being human has been like for me—maybe it can help you figure this human thing out, too.”

Stories are like emotional roadmaps given from one person to another. Some are incredibly helpful. Some are irrelevant. Some are life changing. And some are forgotten. But, one thing is for sure—we’ll never know a story’s impact if we never hear it. And we’ll never know our story’s impact if we never share it.

Know someone as much as you can—read their books; listen to their stories; seek out conversations with them; ask interesting questions; and soak in all that they’re trying to share. Hold onto the moments that define them. And maybe they’ll do the same for you. This way, when their body leaves—they won’t. And when your body leaves—you won’t either.

This post became the introduction for: 28 Timeless Morrie Schwartz Quotes from Tuesdays With Morrie