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Category: Transforming Pain

Bored vs bored

Published on September 25, 2022

Lowercase “bored” is the lame kind.

It’s how you feel when you’re laying on the couch, with the TV playing in the background, as you scroll mindlessly through never-ending timelines on your phone… only to say to yourself… “I’m bored.”

It’s the kind of bored that’s mostly privileged and wasteful.

The other kind of bored however… the “uppercase kind” is quite the opposite.

Capital “B” Bored is the humbling, life-giving kind.

It’s how you feel when you’re meandering in your thoughts on long walks and car rides. It’s how you feel when you stare at a blank page and can’t quite figure out what to write. It’s how you feel when you have a blank canvas and don’t know what to paint.

…It’s the kind of bored that leads to introspection, healing, and art.

When we create space in our lives for more “Boredom,” we allow feelings and ideas to arise that would otherwise be suppressed by the constant influx of information that pours in through our senses.

By allowing our minds to wander undistracted, we tap into a creativity and playfulness that we once knew as children. The kind that builds kingdoms from foam blocks; dynasties from action figures; and galaxies from toy shuttles.

When we allow ourselves to be Bored, we allow our imaginations to stretch their legs. To dance around and play with everything we’ve thrusted at them since the last time they were given space.

But, if we constantly bombard our minds with the lame-kind of bored… I’m afraid we’ll only continue to suppress that life-giving gift.

And what a tragedy that would be.

P.s. I also published A Short Story About Calming The Mind today.

Painfully Slow

Published on September 20, 2022

Healing isn’t just about confronting what others have done to you…

It’s about confronting yourself—and the role YOU play in your own suffering.

Sometimes the one is what leads to the other.

But also, it’s the other that leads to the one.

As an example, when I was 10 people made fun of my weight.

For years after, I became my own worst critic.

My self-talk was hateful, demeaning, and hurtful.

But, then I started Martial Arts; and MoveMe Quotes; and daily writing—and a slew of other things that allowed me to confront that inner critic.

…And quiet him the hell up.

…Or maybe better said: gave him new, constructive, optimistic things to focus on and talk about.

Day-by-day, it didn’t feel like much was changing. Not when I would kick and punch for an hour; not when I collected quotes for an hour; and not when I started writing for an hour.

But, today? After 20+ years of kicking punching? 12+ years of collecting quotes? 2+ years of writing daily?

…Let’s just say that if Old Me and New Me sat down for a cup of joe… neither would recognize the other.

This is how healing works. Painfully slow and like nothing is changing day-by-day… until one day, you look back and it’s all different.

P.s. I sip on coffee while I write these. If you enjoy these posts, you can support my future work by supplying me with one of my next cups of joe.

State Matters

Published on September 17, 2022

Exhausted is not the time for inner work.

Looking into your dark places when you’re mentally dark isn’t a bright idea.

Exhausted is the time for rest.

RESTED is the time for inner work.

Go into your dark places with your light shining bright.

20 Remarkable Humans Who Transformed Their Pain Into Something Greater

Published on August 18, 2022

Below is a brief list of 20 remarkable humans who utilized and transformed their pain into something greater—something that made them into the remarkable humans we remember them to be (in no particular order):

  • Martin Luther King Jr. — Faced life-threatening racial violence and oppression.
  • Maya Angelou — Sexually abused and raped.
  • Pablo Picasso — Dyslexic and grew up poor.
  • Victor Frankl — Imprisoned at several Nazi concentration camps where his family was killed.
  • Franklin Roosevelt — Became partially paralyzed at 39 years old.
  • Oprah Winfrey — Gave birth at 14 years old and lost her child.
  • Frida Kahlo — Bedridden for months from a near-fatal automobile accident.
  • Jim Carrey — Experienced homelessness for an extended period of time.
  • Benjamin Franklin — Had to drop out of school at 10 years old.
  • Charlize Theron — Witnessed her mother kill her father.
  • Tony Robbins — Grew up in an abusive home with a poor stepfather.
  • Nelson Mandela — Wrongly imprisoned for 27 years.
  • Sylvester Stallone — Due to complications at birth, had a partially paralyzed face.
  • Tom Cruise — Born into poverty with an abusive father.
  • Frederick Douglass — Born into slavery, violence, and was separated from his parents.
  • Keanu Reeves — Dad left when he was 3. Lost a child. Lost a woman he loved.
  • Charlie Chaplan — Grew up poor. Dad left when he was 2. Mom was later sent to a psychiatric facility for mental health problems.
  • Ludwig von Beethoven — Deaf.
  • Stephen Hawking — Diagnosed at age 21 with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS).
  • Bethany Hamilton — Attacked by a shark at 13 years old (kept surfing and winning championships anyway).

Takeaway: What you might perceive as your biggest obstacle(s), heaviest burden(s), or greatest disadvantage(s) might very well be your most powerful source(s) of drive after all.

Your Struggles Vs Their Struggles

Published on August 10, 2022

Have you ever struggled and thought to yourself: “Why am I even complaining about this when millions have it SO much worse than me…”

Recognize that this is a toxic thought.

It essentially translates into: “My struggles are invalid and it’s wrong for me to feel how I do.”

…Which naturally leads to emotional suppression, message(s) ignoring, and a worsening of overall state. This is no way to solve a struggle.

Struggles are solved when you add confrontation (with the emotion(s)), subtract comparison, and give all of your feelings equal space to communicate the message(s) your body purposefully sent via them.

Telling yourself they’re wrong for being there doesn’t change the fact that they’re there.

Letting them fulfill their purpose—does. It allows them to move through you and out of your system—to wherever it is that fulfilled feelings go.

Send them there. Don’t deny, suppress, and exasperate them deeper inside, here.

The Opportunity Of Unpleasant Emotions

Published on August 9, 2022

Rather than looking at unpleasant emotions (e.g. anxiety, anger, upset) as burdens…

Look at them as powerful sources of fuel.

  • While joy might inspire a painting… sadness might inspire a masterpiece.
  • While love might inspire a song… heartbreak might inspire a classic.
  • While fun might inspire a book… pain might inspire a best-seller.

If you look closely at some of your favorite creations from throughout history… you might be surprised by how many were fueled by unpleasant emotions compared to those that were not.

Which begs the question… what might you be able to do/ create when your unpleasant emotions become fuel rather than weight?!

P.s. Here’s a short story about Frida Kahlo (as an example) and the unexpected gifts pain can provide.

Inner vs Outer Healing

Published on August 6, 2022

Surface level cuts might only require time to heal.

Deeper cuts will require more than that.

  • Ointment/ Prescription medications
  • Band aids/ Gauze/ Stitches
  • Surgery

As it is with inner healing.

Some surface level pains may only need time.

But, the deeper pains will require more active solutions.

  • Meditation / Time Away / Soul Searching
  • Prescriptive Reading / Introspective Writing
  • Group/Individual Therapy

Give your deep cuts only time to heal and they will likely become infected (and worsen).

By matching the proper prognosis to the severity of the (inner) pain, you’ll maximize your ability (and minimize the time it takes) to heal.

This starts by being completely honest with yourself or, better yet, getting an objective perspective about the severity of your inner pains; understanding the prognosis for each; and finding a way to take the proper actions in spite of the resistance you’re bound to face.

As hard as inner healing might be… it always beats infected inner wounds that you’re forced to face because of their un-ignorable severity. This is never a better route.