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Category: Thinking Clearly

The Gift Of Failing

Giving a public presentation today reminded me of the value of failure.

…I didn’t fail presenting publicly today, but I certainly have in the past.

And while the successes build a confidence more and more solid… the failures provide the care.

Nobody wants to feel like they’ve failed, let alone in front of an audience of people, let alone LIVE.

And so what do the memories of those failures make us do as we approach another shot at the same task?

…They make us do our homework, practice our technique, refine our message, align with our spirit, and humbly seek help—or at least they should.

They give us the motivation to do better… to prepare better… to step closer into who we were always meant to be.

And who’s that you ask?

The person who is confident, yes—and can stand up with great posture, speak wholeheartedly, while emanating a sense of empathy, understanding, and calm—but, just as importantly… the person who does so with deep care.

…Because they know deeply the other side of success.

See, both grow in proportion—success and failure—so long as you approach each with the appropriate mindset. So don’t run from failure. Grow from it. Grow with it. Let it guide you to a greater success than you could’ve ever experienced otherwise.

What Moment(s) From Your Day Didn’t Get Enough Time And/Or Space?

An excellent daily writing prompt: what moment(s) from my day didn’t get enough time or space? What still needs to be felt, absorbed, or learned from that/those moment(s)? Think:

  • Missed moments of gratitude. You can’t rush and feel grateful in the same moment. Rushing implies future focus—there’s someplace you gotta be, something you gotta do, someone you gotta see, etc.—and gratitude can only ever be felt in the present. Sometimes people express gratitude to you, or something incredible happens, or a special moment occurs, but you’re in too much of a hurry to really feel it. Replay that moment and let gratitude expand in proportion to the presence you offer.
  • Missed moments of connection. Maybe you’re rushing and somebody unexpectedly shares something deep, important, or meaningful. And because of your pace, you’re unable to meet them at the same depth. Replay the moment and maybe write an appropriate response or reach back out to continue the conversation. Or maybe it’s a closed loop and was more of a statement than a conversation… Try carefully envisioning the experience and allow your unhurried feelings to emerge in full.
  • Missed moments of learning. The expression experience is the mother of all teachers is wrong. It’s reflected upon experience that’s the mother of all teachers. We all know somebody who does the same stupid thing over and over and over again… and yet, never learns. Why? It’s not because of a lack of experience… it’s because of a lack of reflection, understanding, and internalization. And when we don’t make space for “reflected upon” in our lives… how are we ever going to learn?

…Try this tonight as you unwind from your day.

Fight For Your Uniqueness

You were born unique—you know this.

The world, however, is going to fight to make you interchangeable—it’s better for business.

What’s better for your business is fighting for your uniqueness.

Which, worth mentioning, is usually everything you feel like saying and doing but hesitate on because it’s not what everybody else is doing.

…In this sense of the word: start to perceive hesitation differently.

Use it as a signal to lean in versus back out.

Hesitation to do something that is so completely you is something that deserves that same pause… that same deep breath… that same “dancing-with-the-nerves” mentality that fear elicits right before you step into big, outside-the-comfort-zone moments.

…Because that’s exactly what being unapologetically yourself sometimes feels like!

And just like those moments before you have to give a public presentation, or perform in a “game-on-the-line” situation, or ask out that cute person who gives you butterflies… and you calm yourself down enough to lean in with your most physiologically ready self…

…So, too, should we learn to do that when hesitating on self-expression.

Doing the same as everybody else might feel like the safe bet, but in many ways it’s one of the greatest risks.

Same look, same skills, same résumé isn’t safe in today’s world… it’s easily interchangeable. And more importantly, sacrificing chances to realize more truly who you are is an opportunity you don’t always get back—there’s no second life for do-overs.

So wear those weird clothes. Mix together unconventionally mixed concepts. Write about super niche topics that you feel inexplicably drawn to.

…These may prove to be some of the most important path-changing, energy-recalibrating, tribe-attracting moments of your life.

What Do You See When You Look Outside?

At a recent weekly meeting, my boss asked my associates and I what we did first thing that morning.

Two of them said let their dog outside.

He asked them what they saw… they said, in not so few words, pee and poop.

He proceeded to tell us that when he looked outside… for whatever reason that morning… he was completely captivated by the trees… and the way they were swaying… and the beauty of the snow and how it blanketed the early morning neighborhood.

They all probably opened their door to an almost identical snowy scene.

…But couldn’t have seen things more differently.

Doing Inner Work Doesn’t Require A Lake View

Most people think inner work needs to be coupled with a very specific kind of setting.

The thing is: a quiet corner is a quiet corner is a quiet corner.

And the corner doesn’t need a lake view.

It doesn’t need to be in the middle of the woods.

It doesn’t need modern furniture, perfect lighting, or inspiring decor.

The thing about inner work that most people seemingly forget is that once you start, the outer world fades away.

All that’s happening with a lake view or a cabin in the woods or whatever is that you’re using it as a means to give yourself permission to begin.

You’re telling yourself a story that inner work can’t begin until x, y, and z criteria are met.

Once you understand this, you can begin telling yourself a new story.

One where the view isn’t the non-negotiable factor… but the intention is.

And the beautiful thing about making your intention the main criteria is that suddenly… the world explodes with dropped map pins on where you can begin.

Which is a much more convenient array to choose from than the one hyper specific, distant into the future, perfect little slice of land, situated by some body of water, built into some cozy little home, where the feng shui is harmonizing and muses linger close by… singular pin.

Carry with you the mindset that a quiet corner is a quiet corner is a quiet corner... and drop your pin to begin wherever you are today… and watch as the outer world fades anyway.

Don’t Let Guilt Ruin Rest

One of my college aged staff members told me she felt guilty for “bumming it” during her school’s winter break.

She said she was sleeping in, lazily spending her waking hours on the couch burrito-wrapped in a warm blanket watching Disney movies and doing… well… not much else.

What I told her is guilt will ruin the purpose of break.

I explained that her pendulum has swung proportionally to the side of recovery as it was pushed to the side of exertion (during her semester)—and that it should be honored, not defiled.

During her semester she’s a high performing, “A-Type” personality who has perfectionist tendencies and demands excellence of herself from the second she wakes up until the second she goes to sleep at night.

…And this pushes the pendulum pretty hard in one direction!

By the time winter break hits, of course she shuts down and goes into recovery mode—the pendulum needs to swing proportionally in the opposite direction. For some, they burnout and it swings in that direction at the most inconvenient times. But for her, it swung in alignment with her time off anyway—and she shouldn’t ruin the recovery time by mixing in guilt.

The reminder is simple: recovery needs to be prioritized and honored as much as exertion is.

The pendulum can only be pushed in one direction so far…

A Chapter A Day

When discussing New Year Resolutions, an associate mentioned he wanted to read a-chapter-a-day.

His strategy, he explained, was that he had both a “serious book” and a child’s book ready so that on the nights he couldn’t complete a “serious” chapter… he could read from the child’s book instead.

Having attempted and failed this resolution in the past myself (minus the child’s book part), I offered him an alternative strategy.

Rather than making a-chapter-a-day the goal… I suggested he make reading a-page-a-day the goal. This way he could eliminate the children’s book altogether (unless he really wanted to make that his focus read) and read exclusively from the book(s) he most wanted to read from.

The thing about a-chapter-a-day is that chapters are definitely not created equal. And there will be days (most days, in fact) when your appetite for reading and the length of the chapter will be completely mismatched. You’ll find yourself reading short chapters on days when you’re feeling most motivated and staring gravely at the number of pages you still have to go on the days when you’re feeling the least.

The thing about a-page-a-day is that it fixes that. The challenge is equal each day and the strategy is optimized for the days when you’re feeling least motivated—precisely when you’re most likely to fall off the wagon. And if it’s true that we can read even one page on our worst days… then nothing is stopping us from reading every day.

…And what’ll probably end up happening is you’ll read the amount equal to your appetite each day anyway.

Exactly how it should be.