It took us 13.8 billion years to get to today.
And you’re gonna waste it on…?
Complaining? Overthinking? Hating?
The universe is offended.
Let’s use this small slice of eternity in the most grateful, thoughtful, loving way(s) we can.
No waste.
Question #1: Who brings out the best in you?
Question #2: Who brings out the worst in you?
And now for my real question: Is it really ever anyone but you?
In other words, sure, it’s easy to think that the best people will bring out the best in you and the worst people will bring out the worst in you. But, what comes out from you shouldn’t ever be dependent on them.
What comes out from you should solely be dependent on you.
Everybody should get your best. Not because they deserve it or have earned it—maybe they haven’t. But, because regardless of who you’re surrounded with, even the worst, nobody has the right to control your state of mind.
Life is too short to spend even one minute (that’s sixty seconds we’ll never get back) in your worst state.
And that’s not all—it perpetuates. Their worst state becomes your worst state which likely will become someone else’s worst state. We have to become the alchemists of our minds. We must learn to convert anger to patience; frustration to perseverance; pain to creativity. We must choose to break the cycle.
Otherwise, we might as well pass over the quality of our life to the people nearest to us throughout our days. And hope for the best.
Imagine watching a movie where the main character is born into a nice family, grows up in a nice neighborhood, enjoys nice experiences, goes to a nice school, gets a nice job, settles down with a nice family—THE END.
No drama. No problems. No conflict.
No creative thinking. No problem solving. No hero journey.
Just one nice scene after the next. One easy step forward after the next. Only happiness, smiles, and victories—and no sadness, depth, or challenge.
Can you think of any such movie? I can’t. And here’s why: they don’t get produced. Why? Because they’re bland. But, also because movies like this are further from the human experience than even the most fantastical sci-fi movies.
If there’s one common goal that all movies share, it’s to evoke an emotional response. And the best way to remove that response is to make everything drama/problem/conflict-free; by flatlining the ebbs and flows; by making everything, just, nice.
The drama is precisely what draws us in—because our lives are dramatic. The problems are what captivate our attention—because our lives are filled with problems. And sharing that experience of drama, problems, conflict—even with fictional characters—is what connects us to the greater experience of being human.
If I were to sit down and watch a playback movie of your life, would you want me to only see the highlight reel of your life? Or would you want me to see what you had to overcome in order to earn your highlight reel? Victory isn’t as sweet without loss. Accomplishment isn’t as meaningful without challenge. The “highs” aren’t as appreciated without the “lows.”
Remember this the next time you confront drama, problems, and conflict—it’s your chance to add some depth, contrast, and feeling to the movie of your life.
“Just as you take a shower or bath in the morning to get yesterday’s dirt off your body, you do your spiritual practice in the morning to get yesterday’s thinking off your mind and heart.”
Marianne Williamson, via MoveMe Quotes
If you never take the time to “clean” your mind, of course it’s going to get “dirty.” This shouldn’t come as a surprise. You aren’t surprised when your body gets dirty after not having showered or bathed in a few days, right? We must start to look at our minds the same.
If your thinking is “mudded,” or “stinky” with demeaning thoughts, or covered in negativity, etc., then you need a mind shower, my friend! Here’s what you do:
Without regular mind cleaning, you’re going to start to stink—it’s as inevitable as starting to stink without bodily cleaning. Ideally, we should put into place a daily practice, like showering, to keep our minds consistently clean. You can try to cover it up with quick-fixes like deodorant or perfume, but eventually, your stinkiness will seep through. And nobody likes hanging around a smelly mind.
A friend of mine is going through a rough time. Life is hitting them from all angles. All they want to do is crawl into a ball and hide. In their defense, I think we’ve all been there. I know I have.
But, all this does is move shots from all angles in the front, to all angles at their back. It does nothing to stop the incoming shots—it merely changes the target.
In self-defense situations, you always do everything you can to avoid the fight—but you also defend yourself when necessary. Getting swung at even once is just cause for self-defense. And defending yourself isn’t curing into a ball; defending yourself is hitting back.
This is what you have to do when life decides to hit you, too. You have to hit back. Not by punching, kicking, or elbowing. But, by confronting, transforming, and responding.
Just like you block a punch by confronting it with your arm, you block a problem by confronting it with your mind. Just like you transform a person’s energy against them in Martial Arts, you transform emotional energy into a creative outlet in life. Just like you respond to an aggressor’s attack based on training, you respond to life’s challenges based on experience.
And if you don’t know what to do against an attack and get hit—what do you do? Curl into a ball? Or figure out what went wrong and learn how to defend against it? The latter of course. So, expand your mind! Find the right book. Write to find clarity. Talk to more experienced people. Broaden your understanding. And hit back.
Don’t just give life a different target; make life the target and take your shots.
Over the weekend, I had a tweet go viral. As of this writing, it reached upwards of 446K people. The notifications wouldn’t stop. I was getting dopamine hit after dopamine hit and it lasted for three days! It was pretty exciting to say the least.
As soon as I realized what was happening, however, excitement wasn’t the only feeling that emerged. I also became incredibly self-conscious. I started hyper examining my profile page, past tweets, and analytics. And most notably, I started getting anxious and second-guessing myself as I thought about what to do next.
These are the cautionary side-effects that come with success: it inflates the ego; manipulates expectations, desire, self-image; and causes a person to move from their work to their head. And being “in your head” is not a good place to be when producing work is the game. Producing work best happens when you’re out of your head—when you’re in your zone.
In order to get back on track I had to deliberately get myself away from the analytics. I had to forget about the outcome(s) and focus back on the craft. Just like it takes mindful effort to recycle failure, so too does it take mindful effort to rebound from successes. When in doubt, just remember, regardless of the outcome—viral or bust—always return to your work. And you’ll always be right.
Learning how to defend against punches, chokes, and grabs is great. Learning how to defend against laziness, temptation, provocation is better.
Learning how to monetize a website, blog, or article is great. Learning how to write more clearly, concisely, and consistently—is better.
Learning tactics to promote yourself, a product, or service is great. Learning how to make yourself, a product, or service more remarkably great—is better.
It’s easy to invest most of our time into learning what’s sexy. UFC style self-defenses, multiple channel monetization, maximizing reach and distribution. It’s hard to invest time into learning the less-sexy, foundational stuff. But, it’s those foundational skills that give the “sexy” stuff life.
Because what’s the best way to defend against a punch? By never getting into a position of being punched. And how do you do that? By learning foundational character development skills of how to be confident, disciplined, and cool-tempered.
What’s the best thing you can do to make money online? By creating something that serves a need and is thoughtful and generous. Not by creating superficial content, taking short-cuts, or cleverly fooling people into payment plans and sexy funnels.
This is even true for how people see each other. What makes a person sexy? You might argue something about a person’s appearance, but that fades quickly if it isn’t matched with a sexy character. Ashton Kutcher said it perfectly:
“The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful, and being generous. Everything else is crap, I promise you. It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don’t buy it. Be smart, be thoughtful and be generous.”
And so I pass it onto you: be smart, thoughtful, and generous. Especially with how you spend your time. Are you investing in foundation or drooling over what appears to be sexy?