Skip to content

Category: Thinking Clearly

Updating How You Act

Published on August 17, 2023

The way we act is a byproduct of a lifetime of trial, “error,” and adjustment.

I put error in quotations because it’s subjective. It depends on what we define as “error” based on environmental responses—particularly in how people treat us.

We act a certain way, get feedback from our environment, and either reinforce or adjust. The goal, of course, being to move in the direction of safe, seen, and heard.

If we grow up in an unsafe environment, we may be forced to take safety into our own hands and practice fighting, toughening up, and preparing for unexpected violence.

If we grow up in an ignored / overlooked / misunderstood environment, we may attempt to feel seen and heard in alternative ways. Like acting out, dressing flamboyantly, or engaging in risky behavior.

Individual cases, of course, can be far more nuanced than this.

But, if we don’t take some time to stop and look inward, we might not realize we’re acting a certain way based on expired environmental circumstances—and we can update how we act to our updated environments.

Or, better yet, we can update how we act towards an ideal regardless of our current environments and practice self-growth that’s independent of outside influence.

The realization is this: the only thing stopping you from acting more fun, loving, calm, cool, confident, joyful, compassionate, etc.—is your current beliefs about how you “should” or “have to” act based on past experiences.

…And all you have to do is change your mind.

Less, Less, Less

Published on August 15, 2023

Rather than asking yourself: “What else do I need to do today?” or “What else can I get done today?”

Try asking yourself: “What don’t I need to do today?” or “What can be crossed off my list?”

The modern day default is to add, add, add. More tasks done equals a more productive day. A more productive day equals a greater return. A greater return is what hustle culture deems as being the worthwhile reward.

…But, a greater return equals… what exactly?

This is where a lot of people get their formulas confused. Do greater returns equal more happiness or more material purchases? Do greater returns equal more quality time or more quality brands? Do greater returns equal more freedom or more responsibilities?

Maybe it’s worth considering an approach of less, less, less.

Maybe less tasks done equals a more productive day—not just because it was more focused on higher priority tasks, but because it was more appropriately balanced with all of your life’s priorities—instead of just work. And a more balanced day equals a greater return in each of your life’s domains. And maybe a greater return from each of life’s domains is what actually leads to more happiness, quality time, and freedom?

P.s. 23 Greg McKeown Quotes from Essentialism and How To Live Better Via Less

Why Not Now?

Published on August 10, 2023

I have a 41 year old martial arts student who signed up to do her first ever martial arts tournament this Saturday who also, get this, has never done a performance of any kind… ever… in her life.

Not for theater, not for music, not for school… has never performed in front of people.

And this weekend, she’s rewriting that part of her story.

…This is your reminder that it’s never too late to rewrite a part of your story, too.

P.s. I also published: Replacing Human With Digital Interactions—A Short Story About Connection

Busyness Battlefield

Published on August 6, 2023

The busier I get, the more protective I get over my down time.

When you approach “busy time” with the same attitude you approach “idle time,” all of your time slowly gets infiltrated—because the easiest way to get more done is to fill more open time slots.

But, that’s not the way.

All busy and no idle makes us anxious, exhausted, and underperforming human beings.

Increasing busyness requires a proportional increase in boundary strength. For the way to get more done isn’t to try to sustain battling harder for longer.

…It’s to do what’s required to sharpen the sword of your mind before stepping foot onto that busyness battlefield—so that you’re maximally focused, energized, and prepared to slay each task that comes up along the way.

Be like the warrior when planning your schedule: the more intense the upcoming battle, the more that’s done to focus the mind.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Practicing Frustration

Published on August 4, 2023

This morning I caught myself practicing frustration.

I was literally envisioning my enraged facial expressions, body language, and word choice if the shirts I ordered came in late, didn’t fit, or were poorly made…

…What a waste of time.

Arrogance as a Superpower

Published on July 29, 2023

The thing about arrogance is that it allows people to perform without a throttle—they have an undeniable belief in themselves and little to no perceived limits.

This can be a superpower when channeled correctly.

The problem with arrogance is that, ironically, it is usually build upon a foundation of lack. There is no throttle and there is little to no limit because what they are trying to prove has little to no limit.

And what they are trying to prove is that they do, indeed, have worth; that they are respectable; that they are competent; that they are “good;” that they can be “successful;” and so on.

And when you have something to prove—that is based on the perception of others—you can either 1) stand out from the rest by straight up being the best or 2) tear everyone else down until you’re the best that’s left.

But, the idea of building other people up becomes a fundamental threat to the arrogant person because it means they’ll move further into the crowd; the averages; the “unseen” masses.

The key to turning arrogance from a “weapon of mass destruction” to an ultimate superpower is to remove the idea of competition with others. When you can task the arrogant person with a mission that has nothing to do with outperforming or beating others, there is no limit to the amount of good they’ll attempt to do.

…Task an arrogant person with becoming the best fighter and there’s no limit on how many people he’ll (try to) beat down.

…Task an arrogant person with becoming the greatest philanthropist and there’s no limit on how many people he’ll (try to) help.

The Real Prize

Published on July 28, 2023

Tonight, the Martial Arts Association I’m a part of hosted a try-out tournament for first-timers and beginners.

As I was watching one of my younger students perform his pattern of moves, 7 years old maybe, I saw him turn towards the audience, notice his dad, and freeze.

Ready for moments like this, I took a breath, and just as I was about to call out what the name of the next move was to help him out, I saw him point to his eye…

Then to his chest…

…Then to his dad.

And then pick up right where he left off and finish the last few moves with full power, take a bow to the judges, and walk off stage nonchalantly.

…As if that wasn’t the most correct incorrect series of moves ever done in a form before.

It’s so easy to forget, but we don’t do tournaments—or competitions of any kind for that matter—so that we can show others a pattern of moves… we do it for the life experience.

And tonight, both that young boy and dad had an experience in that moment that was worth more than any trophy or medal. Just as every other student who walked out of that tournament with a boost in confidence, a strengthened resolve, an improved self-image, a renewed sense of motivation, or a new focus for their training… walked away with far more than a trophy and a medal, too.

The real prize is never the prize itself.

The real prize is who we become in pursuit of the prizes themselves.