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Category: Thinking Clearly

Insinuating Remarks

Published on October 22, 2024

I uploaded a picture quote today that read, “Strange, isn’t it? You know yourself better than anyone else, yet you crumble at the words of someone who hasn’t even lived a second of your life. Focus on your own voice; it’s the only one that matters.”

…Not even one second of your life.

And yet, we crumble from a singular, insinuating remark.

It really is strange, isn’t it?

Why does this happen? Or maybe better yet, why do we allow this to happen?

One answer is that while, yes, we should know ourselves better than anyone else… in a lot of ways, we’re still figuring ourselves out. And those insinuating comments meander their way into our complex thought processes and become virus’ of the mind that infect the software of our brain.

…Unless or until we protect it.

How do we do that you ask?

By doing the necessary inner work that’ll upload firewalls and security checks to visiting comments and thoughts. This might involve 10-30 minute mindfulness scans and debugging sessions. Or downloading what’s been uploaded to your mind at the end of the day, writing about it, and cleaning up any infected files or malware attempts. Or proactively blocking sources of malware and spam—be it people, media profiles/sites, or places.

By focusing more on your voice—your cleaned up, uninfected, firewall protected voice—you can insulate yourself from these type of common, everyday, modern attacks and become the type of presence that doesn’t crumble, but stands smirking at the lame attempts of insinuating words because you see them (finally) for what they really are.

…Attempts to infect and control you that are baseless and really don’t matter.

What’s Now

Published on October 20, 2024

While playing football this morning, one of the quarterbacks commented on how upset he was that he threw a couple of interceptions.

While playing basketball shortly thereafter, guys would visibly and viscerally get upset when they missed a series of shots in a row.

And while talking to a friend, it became evident to me that I was still upset about a situation that happened days ago.

In each of these situations, the past was being carried into the present—and it was affecting all of our abilities to perform our best.

Learning how to leave these past moments in the past and enter each present moment as its own refreshed opportunity—is nothing short of a superpower.

And the best way to do this is to learn how to stay calm when mistakes are made, clearly take from them the lessons you’re able to extract, and breathe yourself confidently back into the present.

What’s done is done. What’s now can either be a darker night or a rising sun.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.

Making Frustrations Bigger

Published on October 14, 2024

As I reflect on my day, I realize I spent a large portion of it feeling frustrated.

…For reasons I believe justify those feelings of frustration.

But I also recognize, in retrospect, that the more I justified those feelings throughout the day, the worse the frustration got.

…And that felt to me, for this specific set of circumstances, like a bigger mistake than the ones that were made that led to my frustration in the first place.

If it is what it is… then I simply need to do what can be done.

Making frustrations bigger doesn’t make problems any smaller.

6 Out Of 10

Published on October 12, 2024

I taught a Women’s Self-Defense class this past Wednesday.

It’s a free event designed to equip, empower, and prepare the women of our community to protect themselves against bigger, stronger, and faster assailants.

I’ll teach fundamental self-defense strategies, effective strikes from a variety of positions, and how to properly respond against chokes, grabs, bear hugs, etc—all while being surrounded by a respectful, uplifting community of supportive women.

I’ve been leading this session for years and have settled (remember this word) into a curriculum that I feel really good about.

At the end of this past week’s session, I handed out anonymous feedback forms where participants can rate the class on a scale of 1-10 and provide written feedback on what they liked, didn’t like, and what they would’ve liked to do more/less of.

Most of the reviews I’ve gotten since starting these forms have been 10s with the occasional 9. One person, however, after this past session rated it a 6 out of 10.

And here’s what I noticed in myself after seeing that:

  1. A defensive/emotional mental rise: how could they have given that session a 6 out of 10?!
  2. A deliberate attempt to forget about that rating—as if it wasn’t submitted.
  3. A bubbling back up of the rating in my mind every so often, unconsciously.
  4. An acceptance with the rating once I calmed down and put it into perspective.
  5. Active brainstorming on what I’m going to do differently/better for the next one.

…And it’s that last line that’s so key.

Beneath the emotional responses are buried opportunities. Opportunities that, if discovered with enough patience and deliberate inner work, can (finally) take you from “settled” to still evolving.

Stepping Into Your Power

Published on October 9, 2024

“Without resistance to what it is, you’ll feel more in your power.”

…This is a line my friend Nat shared with me when discussing the power of connecting to the present moment and what it can do for your mentality and ability to act—especially during turbulent times filled with change.

How often do we step out of our power, simply because we’re self-sabotaging?

How often do we minimize what we’re able to do because of self-limiting, junk beliefs?

How often do we unknowingly increase the resistance in our lives by arguing against reality and unnecessarily exacerbate situations?

Reality is what it is. It’s unchangeable in this moment. Once you accept this and reallocate your mental resources from what’s out of your control to what’s in… and settle yourself back into the present moment… you just might find yourself, not only stepping into your next moments with less resistance, but into your full power as an infinitely-potentialed human being.

Related: 48 Brianna Wiest Quotes from The Mountain Is You on Self-Sabotage and Healing

Gratitude Notes

Published on October 6, 2024

Some gratitude notes from the past few days:

  • The temperature has been nearly perfect here in Buffalo, NY, USA. Now that it’s autumn, it drops to a cool 50 degrees (Fahrenheit) at night for sleeping and then warms back up to a beautiful 70 during the day for living. This is my absolute favorite weather of the year.
  • I caught a whiff of fresh firewood being burned on one of the above mentioned cool nights recently. It nearly lifted me off the face of the earth it was so heavenly.
  • One of my students shared with me that he works overnights from 11pm – 7am… and that he hates it and hasn’t been sleeping because of it. I sometimes find myself complaining about my work hours… but, after that spoonful of perspective… I suddenly felt super grateful for them.

It’s good to refresh your gratitude list every now and again—with specific things you’ve noticed in your life as of late. And writing them down makes the practice even better.

…What are some gratitude notes from some of your past few days?

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what was posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.

Don’t Let One Experience Define You

Published on October 6, 2024

When I was around 18 years old, I was selected to give a speech on bullying by the martial arts organization I worked for.

What I knew was that (1) it was for a bully prevention event being hosted within our community, (2) I was to talk about how martial arts can help prevent bullying and those being bullied, and (3) I could give a pretty good on the fly “mat-chat” at the end of a regular martial arts class where I would discuss important topics for a few minutes with students of all ages (which was why I was selected vs other instructors).

What I didn’t know was that (1) it was being hosted at The Buffalo Bills field house (the NFL team) for a large number of community members, (2) I was to give my talk immediately after a local beauty pageant queen whose entire platform was on bullying who had a well-memorized, stat-decorated, story driven speech that would make my “on the fly” thoughts feel juvenile and inadequate, and (3) my strategy of “not worrying about it” and “trusting that I’d figure it out when I got there” would wildly backfire and that I’d blackout when I was handed the mic on stage… and that I’d blabber and bomb it.

…And what I know now (after being interviewed by a local news station and comfortably speaking about the topic for 20ish minutes today) is (1) a whole lot more about bullying, (2) it’s largely because of that above mentioned experience that I do, and (3) one experience doesn’t have to define how all of your future experiences will go.