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Category: Thinking Clearly

The Opportunity In The Fray

Published on December 3, 2024

One of my students set up a self-defense class at a local women’s shelter for those who were victims of violence/abuse.

Being a women who had been in a women’s shelter before, it was something this student felt strongly about.

Being a man, it was something I couldn’t take the lead on because men aren’t allowed in the shelters.

And after reaching out to my female instructors, we came to find out that none of them were available to run it on the day and time requested.

And so rather than cancel, an opportunity presented itself.

…An opportunity for student to step into the role of instructor. An opportunity for student to lean into a topic they felt passionately about and start taking initiative in how that energy can be manifested. An opportunity to alchemize a traumatic experience into an incredibly powerful healing and educational experience that could be shared with others.

Sometimes things don’t line up the way you want them to or play out how you imagined them playing out… and oftentimes, it’s simply because there’s another opportunity in the mix that simply wouldn’t have come up without things unfolding exactly how they did.

Be You, With Us

Published on December 2, 2024

Last night, while watching the Buffalo Bills Football game, quarterback Josh Allen commented on how the team has been able to come together and play as well as they have—despite having lost as many experienced leaders as they had.

He said, “Coach McDermott talks about ‘Be you, with us,’ and that’s what I’m trying to do.”

He elaborated by saying he likes to joke around and be funny—that he enjoys doing things that’ll get the coaches and players to lighten up and laugh. But he also said, “…there’s times where there doesn’t need to be joking around. Time to get serious. Over the years, I’ve found when that is the most critical.”

What’s working well, it would seem, is an aligned energy with players and coaches where, between jokes and seriousness, one compliments the other and the other compliments the one. The jokes aren’t hindering the team energy or targeting/ostracizing anybody on it and the seriousness isn’t making the process miserable or becoming an unbearable weight on any one player’s shoulders.

Ultimately, those four words seem to capture the ideal recipe for engaging as an individual when you’re a part of a team. Be you—yes. To ask you to be anybody else would not only be cruel, but counterproductive. It wouldn’t be long before the person not allowed to be themself would start resenting the people around them. But also, and just as important, do so: with us. To be cruel, ostracize people, be overly critical, spread hate, or otherwise demean people around you—even jokingly—dismantles a team. Which, in effect, dismantles you—because you’re a part of it.

Dear Hard Things In My Life—Thank You

Published on December 1, 2024

Today, I read a quote from Ryan Holiday that illustrates the power of gratitude and how it can completely transform situations:

  • “That troublesome client—thank you, it’s helping me develop better boundaries.
  • That traffic jam—thank you, it gave me time to call my wife and have a nice, meandering conversation.
  • That rejection email—thank you, it forced me to reevaluate and improve my work.
  • The political realities of our time–thank you, it’s a chance to test myself, to really stick to what I believe in.
  • That loss—thank you, for reminding me of what truly matters in life.”

I liked it so much, I thought I’d reflect on and add a perspective shifter to five situations I’m finding hard in my own life:

  • Thrown out back—thank you, it’s forcing me to spend more time strategizing how I care for and strengthen such a crucial part of my body.
  • Wasted time spend on social media—thank you, for reminding me of the importance of being totally logged out of apps.
  • A steady decrease in subscriber count—thank you, for forcing me to think more creatively about sharing my work.
  • Lonely nights—thank you, for giving me ample time to read, write, create, recharge, and explore my inner depths.
  • Family health scares—thank you, for reminding me of the preciousness of life and to not take any moments together for granted.

…Your turn. Reflect on five situations you’ve been having a hard time with. Is there a perspective that could transform each of them for you?

P.s. ICYMI you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.

Do You Need Anything From Target?

Published on November 29, 2024

When I was hanging out with my sister the other day, I asked her if there was anything she needed from Target.

Without missing a beat she replied, “Matthew… I could always go to Target—Target tells me what I need.”

And after a good laugh, we went. And I was the one who ended up getting more than I needed and my sister was the one who ended up getting distracted by an intimate phone call and left without a single purchase.

This felt like a timely story to share because behind every joke there is some truth.

And during the Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, Holiday Sale Sale SALE Season—remember: every place you go and wherever it is you choose to spend your time… you’re going to get told what you need.

Over and over and over again and in the most convincing of fashions.

And so you have a couple of thoughts to consider:

  • Do you really want to go looking for things you don’t need? Or might you be better off brainstorming from afar?
  • Are there alternate gifts you could consider giving that maybe aren’t purchased from major retail stores?
  • If you do end up getting dragged somewhere you know you’re probably going to spend more than you should—is there an intimate phone call you could take instead (I’m only half joking about this idea) or something distractionary you could do when you’re most vulnerable?

Understanding and Aligning With Inertia

Published on November 25, 2024

Inertia is the natural tendency of objects in motion to stay in motion and objects at rest to stay at rest, unless a force causes the velocity to change.

Translated to human behavior, it begs the following questions:

  • Going from rest to motion will require a force… one that’s enough to get you up even when you’re sleepy… even when you’re feeling lazy… even when you don’t feel like it… what is that force for you? …Don’t know? This might be precisely why you aren’t producing / performing / living the way you want to be. Identify and cultivate your “force” and watch how your world changes.
  • There are more forces working against us than there are forces working with us. Starting with earthly laws such as gravity and friction and extending all the way to modern movement killers such as passive entertainment and social media—with plenty of other examples in between. What forces are actually working with us, though? What keeps us moving when everything else is trying to bring us to a halt? How can we better align with those fewer and more far between forces?
  • Going from motion to rest is easier than going from rest to motion. In other words, starting back up once you’ve stopped is harder than keeping momentum going throughout your day. How can you stack and align your tasks so that less energy is required overall? Figure this out and you’ll have more saved energy, which equals more life that can be spent for other (possibly more important) things.

Embracers of Challenge and Masters of Perspective

Published on November 19, 2024

When I write about “embracers of challenge and masters of perspective,” here’s what I mean:

  • One of my teenage students was telling me about how she fell down in the middle of her martial arts weapon performance. It was a form she decided to make more difficult the week of the tournament and yet, even though she fell and felt “so embarrassed,” she also said she was so glad she did it and can’t wait to own it at the next one.
  • A group of my adult students were telling me about how they all—maybe five or six of them—forgot the memorization of their traditional weapon form. All of them. Blanked. And yet, this is the email I got from one of them: “Our group of competitors learned a lot of humility when attempting and failing our weapon forms. We all knew we didn’t do it correctly and immediately cheered on our competitors to not quit. We all finished and were able to laugh at ourselves and cheer each other on for our next tournament. This group of competitors is just so amazing.  We all strive for nothing but our best but do not break each other down. Love this family!!!!”
  • Another one of my adult students (48 years old), decided to compete in her first ever tournament. She’s a mother of two, a wife, has been training for 2+ years and simply hadn’t pulled the trigger to do one. And when I asked what her ideal outcome would be she said, “just getting through it—place isn’t important, getting this first one under my belt is the real victory.” …And I couldn’t agree more.

Competition Success vs Life Success

Published on November 18, 2024

Competitions aren’t designed to build confidence, they’re designed to challenge competitors.

When I think about confidence, I think about success remembered. Remembering a time (or many times) when I successfully did the thing I’m about to do—that I’m scared to do—is about as reassuring as it gets… because it’s tangible, evidence-based proof.

And when I think about traditional settings of competition, where there’s one first place winner and a group of three or more competitors, more competitors will end up losing than winning. And “losing” isn’t the foundation that confidence is built upon.

But—and this is a BIG but—losses learned from IS the foundation that life success is built upon.

As I mentioned in the beginning, competitions are designed to challenge the competitor. And what is life but a disproportionate amount of challenge compared to ease? And what makes challenges so challenging…? The fact that we keep losing when we’re trying to win!

See, when we learn how to manage the “losses” appropriately… when we learn to contextualize what’s really happening when we compete (is it really about the first place trophy?)… when we learn to roll with the punches, extract the lessons, and return to our practice with fresh insights—better insights than we had before…

How could we ever really lose?

Demanding competition success isn’t helping with life success—especially if it’s removing the challenge from the experience. Teaching competitors how to become embracers of challenge and masters of perspective… now that is a foundation that will set them up for life.