Category: Identity

You cannot have an effect without a cause.

Your actions are an effect.

If you don’t like your actions: look closer at what’s causing them.

The real cause(s) might not be as obvious as you initially think.

You might be short towards a coffee shop employee because you didn’t get a good night sleep.

Or you might be short towards a coffee shop employee because of a grudge you’ve been building towards a loved one—which inadvertently has been causing you to lose sleep and your temper.

Being proactive in understanding your causes is the secret to having more clearly understood effects.

When stuck, most people will blame circumstance.

But, what’s really holding them in place is what they believe to be true about those circumstances.

• I can’t lose weight because I was born with an awful metabolism (blaming circumstance). Underlying belief: I’m the type of person who can’t lose weight.

• I have awful anxiety because of how I was raised (blaming circumstance). Underlying belief: I deserve to have awful anxiety.

• I’m going to be single forever because whenever I open up to people, I get hurt (blaming circumstances). Underlying belief: No relationship will ever honor my vulnerability.

Your beliefs are the real source of your stuck-ness.

Change your beliefs and you’ll finally be able to change your scenery.

We think—then we feel—then we act.

Even when we think we act before we think or feel—we don’t.

We simply act really quickly in response to something we think and then feel.

Like when you get cut off in traffic. You don’t just act without a thought or feeling.

You just go from, “What are you doing you idiot?!?!” to feeling threatened to responding with road rage in what feels like a thoughtless snap.

Because that’s the response you’ve spent the most time training. Every time someone cut you off, right from the very beginning, that was the thought, feeling, action sequence that you practiced. And so it became a habit. So much so, that it feels thoughtless to you.

But it’s not. And it can be changed. Just like any other bad habit.

But first, you have to change how you think about those bad habits.

Rather than,“What are you doing you idiot?!?!” think, “Wow, I’m so thankful for my reaction time—this person obviously didn’t know what they were doing.” And let that lead to feeling proud of yourself for your awareness/ reaction time. And let that lead to a heightened sense of gratitude rather than road rage.

So long as you continue to think of the drivers around you as idiots, the feelings of being threatened will continue to emerge, and the response will continue to be road rage.

If you want to change how you act, change how you think, first.

When we’re worried, we look for things to worry about.

When we’re angry, we look for things to be angry about.

When we’re irritable, we look for things to be irritated about.

The same follows for beliefs, too.

When we believe we’re stuck, we look for reasons to confirm our stuck-ness.

When we believe we’re victims, we look for reasons to confirm our victimhood.

When we believe we’re worthless, we look for reasons to confirm our worthlessness.

Our beliefs dictate our actions. We certainly don’t instinctually act in opposition to our beliefs. However, our actions are precisely what dictate our beliefs.

Here’s the thing: if you can figure out how to act in opposition to the beliefs that don’t serve you—you will have figured out the key to changing your beliefs altogether.