In a lot of ways, the time and space that immediately follows hardship isn’t the hardest.
In many cases, that time and space is filled with busyness and urgency and task lists.
Think about loss. What usually follows is funeral arrangements, hosting logistics, memory/legacy displays, writing a eulogy, vigils, etc.
Think about injuries/health scares. What usually follows are doctor visits, X-Rays/scans, personal research, secondary opinions, rehab/physical therapy, etc.
Think about injustice. What usually follows is evidence gathering, lawyer visits, activism, awareness raising, research and case development and rallying, etc.
…Yes, in the time and space that immediately follows hardship, there seems to be a constant flow of things that need to be done—things our mind can focus on—that takes it away from the pain of the hardship.
And in many ways, it’s in this busyness and action that we can constructively channel the big emotional energy contained within our sadness/anger/grief. Although it can also become an avoidance strategy and lead to a suppression that can later explode and completely break a person down.
Which is why it’s important to remember that it’s when the dust settles… when the task list thins to completion… when the time and space is no longer filled with busyness and urgency… that the real hardship begins.
The hardship of creating a new normal… of having to stare an uncomfortable/unknown/undesired reality in the face… of not having any more immediate distractions and having to really feel and be with the pain…
…And to not forget this when those in your circle experience hardship.
Your immediate presence is undoubtedly valuable.
But your ongoing check-ins, unannounced visits, and random messages are oftentimes… exponentially more so.