Tag: Mid Sized

Fear Is The Path To The Dark Side

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.”
Yoda, via MoveMe Quotes

Fear initiates our fight-or-flight response. It causes us to tense up our bodies and narrow our vision. It puts us on the defensive. It forces us to raise our outer walls and close off our vulnerabilities. It leaves us emotionally on edge and ready to defend against the threats of the world. It’s the state that readies us for battle.

We don’t go to battle with a sense of love or happiness—we battle with a sense of anger, rage, and/or upset. These emotions are the fuel that amplify our ability to fight or take flight—they are the fuel that amplify war.

And given enough of that fuel, it doesn’t who or what is opposing us, hate blinds the eyes to compassion and understanding and fills the mind only with images of threats and enemies to be neutralized. When we are operating from a place of fear, anger, and hate—enemies, threats, and war is all we see.

And if all we see is enemies, threats, and war—suffering is inevitable.

For what is the antidote to suffering?

Having allies? When you know there are people who have your back and that you can trust even when times get tough. Having enemies is the antithesis of that.
The feeling of connection? Feeling seen and heard and like you can express your authentic self. Feeling threatened is one of the fastest ways to close off your authentic self to the world.
An environment of peace? Having that sense of security, safety, and compassion surround you so that you can relax into the moment. Seeing only war will keep you as tense as a rock in the name of self-preservation.

When you look deeply into yourself, do you see someone who is operating in the world from a place of fear or from a place of confidence? Do you look out into the world and see groupings of potential friends or enemies? Do you feel like you are constantly at war or do you feel like you are walking each step of your life in peace?

Fear is the root cause of suffering; it’s the path to the dark side. Nurture the confidence in yourself and come to the light.

Deciding Who You Want To Be—Thinking Vs. Telling

“First tell yourself what kind of person you want to be, then do what you have to do. For in nearly every pursuit we see this to be the case. Those in athletic pursuits first choose the sport they want, and then do that work.”
Epictetus, via MoveMe Quotes

Telling yourself what kind of person you want to be isn’t the same as thinking to yourself what kind of person you want to be. Telling yourself is definitive—it represents a decision made. Thinking to yourself is undecided—it represents an ongoing debate. And how can you become someone you aren’t sure you want to be?

Before you can become the person you want to become, you have to decide who, exactly, that is. This is why telling yourself comes first. Most people, I suspect, keep a rough idea somewhere in their mind and roughly do what they think they have to do. But, their actions aren’t precisely pointed and are, as a result, ambiguous.

In athletic pursuits, picking comes pre-packaged with the correlated work—there’s no ambiguity. Pick basketball and your work will be dribbling, shooting, and passing. Pick baseball and your work will be catching, throwing, and hitting. Pick volleyball and your work will be serving, bumping, and spiking. And so forth.

In character development, however, we need to draw out our own work after we pick who we want to be—it’s unclear and can be confusing. If we pick kind, for example, we need to decide to whom, in what ways, how often, what we’ll do even if we don’t want to be kind, and so forth. It certainly isn’t as simple as dribbling, throwing, and spiking.

But, here’s the thing: it can be. To whom? Everybody. In what ways? Smiling, saying “Hi” first, complimenting, contributing, and listening. How often? In each moment. And if I don’t want to be kind? Create a boundary, remind yourself of your “why,” and spend some time improving your state. And lo and behold, you’ll have your work drawn out for you.

It’s only simple after it’s drawn out—not before. Before we decide who we want to become, we’re essentially moving our pencil across a blank piece of paper arbitrarily. Drawing happens, but without an outcome that we actually desire—because we haven’t identified what that outcome is! Once we decide, suddenly, our hand guides our pencil in an entirely different way. And what was once random and confusing, becomes pointed and clear.

Share Your Art. Even When (Especially When) It’s Not Perfect

“My life has been my music, it’s always come first, but the music ain’t worth nothing if you can’t lay it on the public.”
Louis Armstrong, via MoveMe Quotes

Artists look at their paintings and think: Ugh, those strokes.

Writers read their paragraphs and think: Ugh, those words.

Actors watch their performances and think: Ugh, those scenes.

The people those gifts weren’t intended for think: Ugh, why this?

The people those gifts were intended for think: Wow, thank you for this.

The people who never receive your gifts think: …

Well… nothing at all—what they see instead is an unexpressed, mysterious, doubt-filled person.

And what a poor replacement for what could have been a gift to the world.

Share your art.

Not when you look at your art and think: Wow, that’s perfect.

But, when you look at your art and think: Ugh, it’s not perfect, but it’s damn good.

Because sharing your art is how you share your self.

And who you are is an imperfect, ever-changing, highly-emotional being—

—Who is putting a fragment of themself out into the world as a gift.

A gift that says I’m human—maybe you’re human, too, and we can connect over this fragment?

Not everyone will. But, the ones who do?

The ones who do will change your thought processes; your direction; your art; your life.

And maybe your gifts will do the same for them.

We Are Not Strangers

“What if it turns out way better than you could have imagined?”
Unknown, via MoveMe Quotes

We are not strangers. We simply haven’t gotten to know each other yet. Think about how much of what makes up the other is already known. Happiness and sadness; joy and anger; patience and annoyance; presence and grief; love and hate—we all have these elements inside and, relatively speaking, we understand them.

What’s unknown, however, is the other person’s composition of those elements which makes them uniquely who they are. To what extent do they experience happiness versus sadness? How much do they express joy versus anger? Are they someone who is understanding or someone who is close-minded? And so forth.

And how to better understand another person’s composition? By understanding the stories that shaped their composition. And how to better understand their stories? By understanding, not just the raw events of their life, but by understanding their perception of the events that happened to them that became the stories of their life.

If perception is reality, then understanding another person’s perception is the key to understanding their reality.

Understanding happiness is a notable task—but it won’t explain a stranger’s smile. Understanding sadness is a worthy pursuit—but it won’t explain another person’s sadness. Understanding love is remarkably important—but it won’t explain another person’s love life.

What’s missing from the static examination of a singular element (like happiness) is a view of the bigger picture at play that is the dynamic interplay between all of a person’s elements. And one of the most powerful ways to obtain that dynamic interplay is through dynamic, perception-sharing interactions.

Or, more simply stated, by asking and answering interesting questions. For what are questions but the ultimate tool for obtaining another person’s perceptions? How better to open the compartments of another person’s mind than by using the precise key that opens that compartment?

How are you, really?
What makes you nervous?
Is there a feeling you miss?
What keeps you up at night?
Who in your life brings you the most joy? Why?
What life lesson took you the longest to learn? Unlearn?
What are the three most important things in life to you?
Are there any songs that always bring a tear to your eye?
What do you regret not doing/ starting when you were younger?
Who has had the biggest impact on the person you have become?

If you view everyone around you as a stranger, then maybe you’re just not asking enough (the right) questions. We are all fundamentally composed of the same matter. We all have fundamentally the same feelings. We all wish to experience fundamentally the same things. It all is just unevenly distributed and uniquely interpreted.

The person who sees this, sees a world filled with more potential friends than strangers—they just haven’t taken the time to confirm it yet.

The Sacred Responsibility Of Storytelling

“Know someone as much as you can. Hold onto the moments that define them. Then when their body leaves, they won’t.”
Iain Thomas, via MoveMe Quotes

For a story to be told, there needs to be a storyteller. Even the most fantastical, awe-inspiring stories get forgotten when nobody remembers to tell it. Each of us holds a sacred responsibility to the other: to be the storytellers of each other’s lives. Or, said differently, we are the bearers of each other’s legacies.

We choose every day what stories to read, what stories to listen to, what stories to seek out, and what stories to share. The books that we read and don’t read; the conversations that we have and don’t have; and the sides of our own story that we share and don’t share—all make up the interconnected webbing of stories that thread their way through our minds and the minds of those around us.

When somebody passes away—when their body leaves—what’s left behind isn’t their story, it’s what’s remembered of their story. If nothing was ever shared of a person’s story, how can there be a story to tell? The knowledge of the story needs to be passed from one person to the other in order for that to happen.

Many people think their story is comprised of accomplishments, accolades, milestones, and status markers. But those elements rarely make for a good story. What makes for a good story is emotion—what that person was like while they were accomplishing; how they treated those around them in spite of the accolades; how they prioritized their time while they hit milestones; and what made that person authentically them regardless of any status markers.

We care about emotion because emotion is what makes us human. Emotion is what says, “Oh, you’ve felt that way too?” “I understand what you’re going through because I’ve been there.” “This is what being human has been like for me—maybe it can help you figure this human thing out, too.”

Stories are like emotional roadmaps given from one person to another. Some are incredibly helpful. Some are irrelevant. Some are life changing. And some are forgotten. But, one thing is for sure—we’ll never know a story’s impact if we never hear it. And we’ll never know our story’s impact if we never share it.

Know someone as much as you can—read their books; listen to their stories; seek out conversations with them; ask interesting questions; and soak in all that they’re trying to share. Hold onto the moments that define them. And maybe they’ll do the same for you. This way, when their body leaves—they won’t. And when your body leaves—you won’t either.

This post became the introduction for: 28 Timeless Morrie Schwartz Quotes from Tuesdays With Morrie

Self-Limiting Beliefs Are Self Installed

“Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.”
Richard Bach, via MoveMe Quotes

Ridiculous to think we would ever do that, eh?

And yet, so many of us do exactly that every day.

We adopt limiting self-beliefs, cozy up to comfortable boundaries, enclose ourselves within sturdy walls, and install glass ceilings right over our own heads.

We literally are the architects of the very ‘box’ that we keep telling ourselves we want to think and break outside of. Why do we do this?

I remember telling my dad when I was a teen that I started a new workout routine: Westside for Skinny Bastards—a program designed to help ‘Hardgainers’ build muscle.

Without much thought, I added that I wasn’t going to try to become a body-builder or anything, that I would just use it as supplemental training for Martial Arts. And, without hesitation he replied, “Why not?”

I had to do a double-take to see if he was joking—he was serious. “Why not try to become a body builder?” He asked again.

My answer felt obvious: “I don’t have the body to be a body builder,” “I don’t have enough time to devote to lifting,” “I would never be able to beat some of the huge guys already in the scene.” I was, in effect, arguing my limitations.

When I look back at that moment now, I can see how one argument at a time, I was building myself into my own little ‘limitation box.’ How, one excuse at a time I was closing doors to rooms I hadn’t even peered into. How, one criticism at a time, I was shrinking my world to fit how I felt.

And I wonder how many other things I’ve walled myself up from?

Things that, for one reason or another, I decided I “couldn’t” do. Things that, as a result of something someone said to me or criticized me about, I never even ended up trying. Things that, because of how I saw myself in the mirror or, maybe better said, how I was taught to see myself in the mirror (by media and society)—I closed myself off to.

And I wonder the same for you?