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Matt Hogan's Blog Posts

Don’t Let Guilt Ruin Rest

One of my college aged staff members told me she felt guilty for “bumming it” during her school’s winter break.

She said she was sleeping in, lazily spending her waking hours on the couch burrito-wrapped in a warm blanket watching Disney movies and doing… well… not much else.

What I told her is guilt will ruin the purpose of break.

I explained that her pendulum has swung proportionally to the side of recovery as it was pushed to the side of exertion (during her semester)—and that it should be honored, not defiled.

During her semester she’s a high performing, “A-Type” personality who has perfectionist tendencies and demands excellence of herself from the second she wakes up until the second she goes to sleep at night.

…And this pushes the pendulum pretty hard in one direction!

By the time winter break hits, of course she shuts down and goes into recovery mode—the pendulum needs to swing proportionally in the opposite direction. For some, they burnout and it swings in that direction at the most inconvenient times. But for her, it swung in alignment with her time off anyway—and she shouldn’t ruin the recovery time by mixing in guilt.

The reminder is simple: recovery needs to be prioritized and honored as much as exertion is.

The pendulum can only be pushed in one direction so far…

Business As Usual

At dinner tonight celebrating my step mom’s 60th birthday, I witnessed an adorable moment.

It was my step mom’s brother and his wife’s turn to order from the menu.

The waiter asked the wife what she’d like, and just as she realized she had forgotten, the husband ordered what she wanted for her.

The waiter then turned to the husband and asked him what he’d like, and just as he realized he had forgotten, the wife ordered what he wanted for him.

…The best part?

Neither of them thought anything of it. Didn’t so much as smirk or make a single remark.

Just selfless loving, careful listening, intimate partner understanding—business as usual—kind of stuff.

It Matters

A good friend of mine told me once that his college professor said whatever he’s physically like when he’s 25 is essentially how he’ll be the rest of his life.

And what an awful mouthful of complacency crap to spew at room of knowledge-seeking students.

Does it become harder than when you’re 18? Sure. And maybe what the professor was trying to communicate is how “it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks”—in the sense that the habits we’ve built up until that point are the habits we’re going to mostly live by there forward.

But the real frustrating consequence of this statement is the seed that gets planted somewhere in the back of our minds that whispers, “It doesn’t matter.”

  • “I’m gonna miss my workout!” …Well, it doesn’t really matter anyway.
  • “I’m tired and just want to binge eat.” …Well, it doesn’t really matter anyway.
  • “I’m stressed and feel like some beers.” …Well, it doesn’t really matter anyway.

But here’s the thing.

It matters.

  • It matters that we show up for our workout—even if we’re late and it’s just for a few reps.
  • It matters that we learn to build self-control habits for our appetite even when we’re tired.
  • It matters that we find and prioritize healthy ways to managing stress.

Every decision is a vote. And inside us are two selves running for Bodily President. What that professor above said is some smear campaign to spread fake news and elicit a lower-self win. What we need to do is spread more of the opposite, rely on truth and fight for honest small victories that elicit that highest-self win… one key vote at a time.

Bringing Quality INTO The Time

A coaching client mentioned today how frustrated she was that she hasn’t been spending enough quality time with her son.

She explained that every time she has been with him recently, she felt busy and tied up doing life things: cleaning, meal prepping, scheduling, etc…

I told her: rather than have this distracted need to be done with all the life things before she brought a quality time task to her son, maybe she could find ways to bring quality into the life things.

I told her: quality time isn’t a task; it’s a state of mind.

And the reality is: it’ll never all be done!

The key is to meet yourself where you are, let curiosity arise in the current situation, and find ways to playfully engage a quality into the time.

“An Ounce” Is An Excellent Strategy

We become writers by writing.
We become runners by running.
We become musicians by playing music.

All of the intention in the world pales in comparison to even an ounce of practice.

…Which is an excellent place to start, I’d say: an ounce.

Then simply aim to do that much again the next day… and the day after that.

Let that be your blueprint.

Soon, you’ll be lightyears ahead of most.

And it won’t be long thereafter either that you’ll notice… you’ve suddenly become.

A Chapter A Day

When discussing New Year Resolutions, an associate mentioned he wanted to read a-chapter-a-day.

His strategy, he explained, was that he had both a “serious book” and a child’s book ready so that on the nights he couldn’t complete a “serious” chapter… he could read from the child’s book instead.

Having attempted and failed this resolution in the past myself (minus the child’s book part), I offered him an alternative strategy.

Rather than making a-chapter-a-day the goal… I suggested he make reading a-page-a-day the goal. This way he could eliminate the children’s book altogether (unless he really wanted to make that his focus read) and read exclusively from the book(s) he most wanted to read from.

The thing about a-chapter-a-day is that chapters are definitely not created equal. And there will be days (most days, in fact) when your appetite for reading and the length of the chapter will be completely mismatched. You’ll find yourself reading short chapters on days when you’re feeling most motivated and staring gravely at the number of pages you still have to go on the days when you’re feeling the least.

The thing about a-page-a-day is that it fixes that. The challenge is equal each day and the strategy is optimized for the days when you’re feeling least motivated—precisely when you’re most likely to fall off the wagon. And if it’s true that we can read even one page on our worst days… then nothing is stopping us from reading every day.

…And what’ll probably end up happening is you’ll read the amount equal to your appetite each day anyway.

Exactly how it should be.

You Realize You Don’t See With Your Eyes, Right?

“Most people walk the earth unaware that they are not seeing with their eyes. Instead, they are seeing with their emotions, and often these emotions are just the echoes of their past hurts.

Yung Pueblo

You and I can live the same day—objectively. But subjectively? We’ll always interpret and internalize things differently—regardless of how identical our days are. Why? Because as is mentioned above: we don’t live from our eyes… we live from our emotions.

You and I might both see a roof over our head, the sun peaking in its head from our bedroom window, and a loved one sleeping besides us as we open our eyes in the morning. Yet to one, roof might equate to shelter, safety, and warmth… and to another it might equate to mortgage due, repairs needed, and work. With the sun, one might see a beautiful day ahead… while the other might see missed morning routine and late. With loved ones by our side, one might see blessed companionship whereas the other might see constant fighting and drama.

This is why, from a visual outside-looking-in perspective, a person can seem to have “it all” and yet, live miserably… while another can seem to have barely anything at all and live joyfully.

The path to getting ahead in life has little to do with what the eyes can see.

The path to getting ahead in life has everything to do with what our emotions can see. And how do we get our emotions to see things differently? With more gratitude? More joyfully? The same way you would try to teach your son or daughter… with time, energy, and effort—except focused within.