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Matt Hogan's Blog Posts

Inner Work Pays

Published on June 6, 2023

I have no idea how many people actually read these daily posts.

This would distract me from the purpose of the practice.

Which, isn’t to say I wouldn’t like it if more people read my daily posts.

It’s to say that the audience is secondary.

Writing for the sake of writing—for my own reflective purposes and personal development—is primary.

The second I start writing for the audience first, it’s no longer inner work—the task suddenly becomes outer work.

And while it’s true that outer work can pay in attention and dollars… it’s the inner work that pays in fulfillment and clarity.

Remember this as you practice your craft. If it suddenly feels like it’s becoming laborious and forced—it’s because you’re creating with the wrong people in mind.

Create with only one person in mind—yourself—and watch as the weight dissolves off your shoulders and your muse begins to visit more freely once again.

Linger (IRL) Longer

Published on June 5, 2023

You know those moments that come before a group meal when everybody is lingering? Or after it’s over and everybody sort of diffuses into pocket conversations and side chatter?

That is where the magic of connection happens.

…Not when everybody is actively eating the meal. It’s in the moments that come before, the moments in between bites, and the moments after. In many respects, group meals have less to do with the meal and more to do with the lingering.

The same is true for just about every other group activity: group fitness, group sports, group art, group travel, group hobbies, etc. Of course, the group task is the focal point—but, most tasks can be done without the group. The point in doing it with a group is the connection.

Which may sound obvious, but in a world where loneliness is becoming more and more of a concern—there are two key ideas worth pinpointing:

(1) We do group activities for the group as much as the activity—you don’t have to be a prodigy or obsessed with the idea of the activity to sign up with a group.

(2) All of the time spent NOT doing the activity can be just as valuable (if not more) as the time spend doing it. Don’t miss the forest for the tree. Are you learning how to draw an eye in group art classes or are you learning how to draw a friendship by looking more people—who share similar interests as you—in the eye?

Lingering on screens is awful for connection. More and more studies prove that. Lingering in real life, however, is a great strategy for building connection.

You Say [Poem]

Published on June 4, 2023 
You say you have nothing to give
and yet
I'm full after one glance.

You say you're rough around the edges
and yet
I'm calm after one touch.

You say your roots are broken
but what I see
is vast and barren land.

You say your baggage is heavy
but what I see
is love that could use a hand.

You tell me about the world's ugly
As I sit in wonder and see
Beauty reflected in broken glass—

Your middle finger to the world.

A rose growing in desert sand
An orchid sprouting from molten rock
A sunflower stretching from unlit cave

You say you can't carry on
And yet
You keep figuring out a way.

You say you don't like flowers
And yet
There you are—a most beautiful bouquet.

Managing Unwind Time

Published on June 3, 2023

On weekends, I like finishing my days with a TV show.

It’s a great way for my productivity focused mind to unplug and idle for a while. Maybe you can relate?

Here are three rules I’ve created for myself to keep this in check, though: 1) I will only ever finish my days with a TV show, 2) It’ll only ever be on weekends, and 3) I only allow it if I’ve finished all of my other priority tasks for the day.

There are two reasons why I’ve created these rules for myself: One, they are undeniably addicting—even for a self-discipled black belt like me. And two, if I don’t get my priority tasks done because I wasted too much time watching TV, I’ll undoubtedly feel regret.

That said, there’s still the question of how to stop once you’ve started watching—which is no easy feat.

First, I always assume the episode will end with another hair-pulling cliff hanger. Another episode will never make the “hanging” better—only equally hanging off a cliff or more so.

With that mindset established, here’s what I do when the episode is actually over: 1) Don’t stare at the “next episode?” button. Clear the button and let the credits play. 2) Turn down the volume and get your mind focused elsewhere asap. Even if that means checking a social media feed. 3) Once you move your mind away from the cliff enough, you’ll eventually reclaim footing back in reality and have a MUCH easier time turning the show off.

At least this is what works for me.

I’m curious: What works for you?

Roller Coaster Love

Published on June 2, 2023

A relationships and dating coach posted the following question on Twitter: “Would you rather: a 220 pound woman who’s nice & sweet or a 120 pound woman with an attitude?”

To which I say this is the wrong question.

Love isn’t a number on a scale. And none of us are as simple as “nice & sweet” or “with an attitude.”

Love is an impossibly complex, messy, roller coaster of a ride shared with the person who could very well be all of those above things throughout the duration of your ride.

It’s time spent with the person who makes you feel:

…Sometimes exhilaratingly light—like you’re free falling down from the highest roller coaster peak. Like when their name comes up on caller I.D., their face comes into view after time apart, or the thought of past time together springs to mind.

…Sometimes upside down—like you’re being thrown through a loop. Like when they challenge your thoughts/beliefs, pull you down a spontaneous path you would’ve never traveled on your own, or they get you to agree to something that’s totally out of character.

…Sometimes heavy and low—like at the bottom of those highest drops. Like when they have to endure tragedy/loss/grief and illicit your support to help them, or when they hurt your feelings, or break promises—because them doing it hits harder than anyone else.

…But all with that person. Not because of the number on the scale or some one or two word description that’s supposed to represent the entire depth of who they are—but, because riding the roller coaster is better with them. And they think the same about riding the coaster with you.

When You’re A “2” Out Of “10”

Published on June 1, 2023

A student of mine returned to martial arts class yesterday after having suffered from a rough few days of food poisoning.

Having been there, I know that coming back from this is no joke.

After the class concluded, he pulled me to the side and made a comment that I thought was worth sharing.

He said, “When I came to the school, I was at a 2 [out of 10]. I was texting my wife telling her how rough I felt and how I didn’t think I’d make it to class. After an hour or two I felt more like a 3. By the time class came around, I felt like a 4. Once I was in class I was a 5. And when it was over, I was a solid 6 or 7.”

I’ve written about this before and this is no small insight.

The byproduct of doing hard things is feeling better—a bump up on the feeling scale closer to “10.” Avoiding the hard things (or succumbing to excuses like, “I’ll do it when I’m a 10”), leaves you feeling worse or, best case, keeps you sulking at the number you started at.

Don’t get it twisted: we don’t do hard things when we’re at a 10—we do hard things to get to a 10 (or at least closer to it).

Big Plans Today

Published on May 31, 2023

I have big plans for the future.

As do you, I’m sure.

And in the moments when I can feel myself wanting them to become a reality now—I remember that having them all come true now isn’t the point.

The point is in the figuring it out; it’s in the earning that comes from the journey; it’s in the having something big to aspire to.

Big plans are like the magnetic north of our lives.

…Arrive in a snap and we lose all sense of direction. Focus on following the pulled arrow of our compass and we get to take a series of deliberate steps forward today.

When you think about it like that—having a compass to follow or having no compass at all—suddenly, using our big plans for tomorrow as the vehicle that creates our big plans for today becomes the ideal path.

…Directionless is not a great place to be.

Onward.

P.s. My guide is all about how direction is more important than speed in life. If you need help figuring out your direction (and calibrating your life’s compass), check it out.