Some people pick what’s right in front of them because it’s the best they can see.
But when you relentlessly expand your vision… not only does best expand proportionally…
But so too does the seer—the person behind the eyes—grow more and more into a version of themselves that would’ve never ever otherwise…
…Come to be.
In self-defense, the initial strike is pivotal.
If you can surprise the assailant and land a clean shot to the face (i.e. gouge the eyes) or groin (i.e. knee to the nuts) for example—every other strike that follows becomes exponentially more effective. Why? Because they’re going to be blinded or debilitated in a way the stops them from blocking or protecting.
If you telegraph the initial shot and/or don’t land for whatever reason, every shot that follows will become exponentially less effective. Why? Because the assailant will raise their guard and rapidly shift to a heightened defensive awareness.
In the same way, the way we start our tasks or days or weeks can exponentially improve or hinder everything we do that follows. Get the headspace right? And the tasks takes care of themself. Get the morning right? And the day takes care of itself. Get the meal prep right? And the week’s eating takes care of itself.
…Get it wrong? And everything that follows gets exponentially harder.
…And life is hard enough as is.
“I just wanted to say I love your energy.”
“The way you danced and smiled and were so present with everything you did… it was amazing.”
“Thank you for all of that and I hope you have a great day.”
…But I hesitated.
Still got more inner work to do.
Even when you follow the exact recipe… use the exact ingredients… in the exact proportions and prepared in the exact same ways… as is described exactly by your grandma herself?
How is it that it always tastes better when it’s done by her?
…I think it’s because love is an ingredient.
And I mean it in the same way that onions or garlic might be an ingredient.
Love transcends the metaphysical and becomes something tangible… something tasteful… something delicious…
It becomes a literal part of the recipe. And there’s no good substitution for it.
You either pour your heart into the recipe or you compromise and try “Attentiveness” or “Precise” or “Careful” or “Good enough” or “That’ll do…”
But you’ll always taste the compromise. Nothing tastes the same as pure, unconditional, un-rushed love.
And so it is for just about everything else you choose to do and make and create in this life.
My aunt has this young, 1-year-old black cat.
She’s curious and playful, but more often than not, uninvolved and off doing her own thing.
My aunt and cousins would call for her, play with toys to attract her, and try to entertain her frequently throughout the visit. And she would usually oblige for a few minutes… but then would carry on her way and unassumingly find something else to do.
I’m allergic to cats so I didn’t give forth that same kind of energy.
Well on the last night of my visit to my aunt’s house, I was sitting in meditation after everybody else had gone to sleep when suddenly, I hear the cat poking around. I opened my eyes and there she was, staring straight at me from the staircase.
It was strange because even when I was blowing her face trying to get a rise out of her, it felt like she was looking through me… or thinking carefully about something else while her eyes rested in my direction… never at me.
And yet… on this last night… as I sat there in a crossed-legged meditation position… she stared me down… unwaveringly… intensely… deliberately… and approached me slowly… slowly… until she was directly by my side… on the couch where I sat… sniffing… eyeing… evaluating…
…Until she eventually settled onto her legs, swallowing them up into her own meditation position of sorts, and closed her eyes.
It was strange that in that moment when I was still… un-seeking… and unassuming in a way myself… that it attracted the very cat that was being pursued… sought out… who seemed to have spent most of the weekend fleeing…
The secret to not having FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is to bring all of your presence into the moment you’re already in.
Lean into courage. Find the curiosity. Fill yourself up with everything already around you. Create and emit the energy you find yourself looking elsewhere for. Get others to jump on board. Become the FOMO others think about—not to make them feel bad, but because that thought will guide you forward towards the time you most want to have. You’re only missing out if your mind is elsewhere of your body. Keep the two together and suddenly, your spirit will start to shine unconditionally bright.
The game is simple.
Make up and share an unfinished story with a few folks.
You might say… “It was late at night and I heard a loud, scary noise come from the basement… I decided to investigate and when I walked down the stairs I found…”
Then everybody writes a short conclusion to the story on a sticky note or small piece of paper and hands it anonymously to the person who began it.
After each is read out loud, the reader picks which conclusion they like the best and whoever authored it, wins a point.
The game continues until a certain score is reached or it reaches its natural conclusion.
The best part about the game is that it creates an ending to a story from a day that feels unfinished…
P.s. Credit for this game goes to my student, Fatou.