Category: Feeling Fulfilled

We humans are not just biological scripting reacting to nature’s events.

We’re thinkers, planners, dreamers, organizers, collaborators…

…But most of all, we’re builders.

And if we want purpose and meaning in our lives… we have to build it—not wait for nature to give it.

Some examples of what has and/or still fills me with a sense of purpose and meaning are the following:

• Family/Friends/Lovers: I don’t feel a sense of meaning or purpose towards strangers… only towards the people whom I’ve built strong connections with. My purpose is to nurture, provide, care for, support, console, and so on… and the more I invest (and build) into them, the more meaning and reward I feel. Especially as it’s reciprocated and something great gets mutually grown and shared.

• Vocation/Career/Work: It started with an incredibly strong desire to be a great martial artist—that was my purpose. I was completely captivated by it. I was good at it. And I was lucky to have found a school that knew how to facilitate it. The more I invested, the more meaning I felt. And once I got to the point where I was leading, teaching, and coaching—and helping others build themselves—my purpose and meaning grew in proportion to the lives I touched.

• Reading/Writing/Creating: Early stage reading was shallow for me. I cared more about finishing than comprehending. And not much meaning/purpose resulted. But once I decided to build a quote website? And write daily insights? And build accompanying websites, content, guides, and more? Uh, yeah… purpose and meaning city.

Never forget: purpose and meaning isn’t something life gives to you. It’s something you build from the life you’ve been gifted.

When my boss and co-worker bought new cars, I got this inexplicable, almost primal urge to do the same.

The new-car-thought became a part-time obsession and I hunted through digital lots like a hunger crazed Neanderthal navigating prehistoric landscape.

…But I also do a healthy amount of daily inner work.

And so I leaned into this urge with eyes wide.

I understood that the forces at work were, yes, maybe something primal, but also largely a brainwashed modern belief that faster, sleeker, more expensive was what I needed.

I eventually narrowed in on this beautiful, beast of a car that was expensive, but within my means.

It was either that, I decided, or I would reinvest in my current car—one that was still running beautifully, was a beast in her own right, and—most importantly—was completely paid off.

The financial difference between these two decisions was almost $20,000.

And when I told a friend what I was thinking, he leaned in and almost whispered in my ear, “Upgrades for your current car won’t scratch that new car itch.”

And it was in that moment that I knew what I “needed” to do.

And so I whispered back to myself, “Challenge accepted.”

And I not only reinvested into my car (and saved $20,000), but I reinvested back into myself.

…Because taking care of what you already have, growing appreciation, and quieting the endless noise about more is exactly the kind of work my inner was signaling for right from the moment I told myself that story about those two new cars.

If you don’t spend enough time in the quiet of your mind… you won’t hear the whispers of your soul.

…And your soul is the only part of you that knows what’s really going to lead to fulfillment.

Your mind likes to think it knows what’s going to lead it there, but your mind is also heavy into comparisonism, social hierarchies, and other people’s opinions.

Your soul…? Couldn’t care less.

And once you get to that kind of space… how could you be lead astray?

A quote I uploaded yesterday that I’ve been thinking about a lot:

“Because work has temporal structure, we unconsciously associate leisure with temporal disorganization. And over this deadening rhythm is played, again and again, the same psychological bolero: Monday, the Day of Wrath; Tuesday and Wednesday, the grind; weary Thursday, across whose fallowness Friday, a prostitute-goddess of inexplicably renewable freshness, beckons with a promise of unspecified fulfillment. This promise is based on the lie that human nature, unfulfilled by work, can be fulfilled by leisure. Of course the promise is never kept; we spend Saturday and Sunday consecrating the week’s successes and failures to oblivion, in deepening dread of the Monday to come.”

Robert Grudin, Time And The Art Of Living

I hadn’t really thought about it like this before, but I do feel this strange urge to be anti-temporal-structure when off work.

I still usually get done main priorities (i.e. workout, chores, errands, etc)—but definitely in a more disorderly way. I usually sleep in later… Am on my phone longer… Give into cravings more…

And while it’s true that it’s precisely this that gives leisure time at least some of its pleasure, I oftentimes feel like I finish those same days feeling less good about the day overall… Like it was mostly wasted…

And while, yes, we need this temporal disorganization space as a sort of Yin to the Yang of work, I also think we need to be more mindful than ever of what we’re choosing to do during “disorganized time…” Are we passive-entertainment-binging or casually reading? Are we TikTok-ing or hobbying? Are we actively living or screen vegetating?

Something to think about…

The benefit to having your life “flash before your eyes” is that you get it back… after those terrifying moments of feeling like it was lost.

…And the gratitude that comes with it is unmatched.

I had my life flash before my eyes recently and unmatched gratitude was slapped into my perspective in a way that’s hard to achieve through gratitude journaling.

And what came from it wasn’t just a few moments of contentment, but an overall slower pace… a more undivided attention throughout the day… more carefully placed actions and words with each interaction…

I hope you don’t experience a terrifying moment. But, I do hope you’re able to flash your life before your eyes and really elicit the power of the unmatched gratitude that accompanies it.

It really is unbelievable that we’re here…

How nice to walk into a quaint, quiet café and sit with two or three other customers… with one owner of the café serving you and the other owner sitting with a customer in a booth having a relaxed conversation.

No sense of urgency. No there-just-to-get-a-paycheck. No resentment in having to serve or do the work. No tapping feet or staring at the clock. No doing the bare minimum or avoiding ways things could be made better.

…Just a couple regular folks, making an honest living, by providing goods and a service that’s worth more than the money it costs, while doing it happily, in the smallest of corners in the world…

…Precisely where a few people could really use it and, as far as I could tell, really appreciate it.