Category: Doing What’s Hard

Today was one of the last days my martial arts students could test for their new belts/levels from the quarter four curriculum of 2025.

And one of the key moments that we create that usually happens at the end of every belt/level test is a hard series of physical challenges that are paired with the simple question: “Are you tired?”

Usually during their first ever test and during the occasional mid level test, they’ll say’ “Yes!”

And the response my staff and I always encourage them to say is, “No, ma’am/sir!”

During one test, I had a student say to me, “But, I am tired… and I don’t want to lie about it…”

To which I said, “And I appreciate that sentiment… but what I always want you to remember is that your mind is lying to you.”

Because what you feel like as being “tired” is really only a fraction of what you’re capable of doing. A micro-fraction in most cases.

…They just don’t know the true extent of their capabilities and potential limits.

Which is where my job comes in.

And the only way to get them there is to push the body… and the only way to do that is to strengthen their mind. Which happens one, “No ma’am/sir—I’m not tired” at a time.

I started teaching adult martial arts classes when I was young.

I remember being in high school and college, getting in front of a class of parents, higher ranking black belts, and business professionals thinking to my self, “Who am I to be giving these people lessons?”

But, I was thrusted into the position nonetheless and forced myself to add as much value as I could to make myself feel better.

And most of what I taught was essentially just copy-pasted techniques, tactics, and strategies from my instructors.

…But, I can remember a few very distinct moments in my journey when I decided to take a risk and do something of my own.

Once such moment was a time I decided to completely change the format of the class and do self-defense first rather than last. My thought being that’s how it’s going to be in reality, so why do a warm-up for self-defense in class?

Another such moment was a time I decided to create a 12-week strength training program that would assign specific exercises, reps, and sets in each class (instead of just doing spur of the moment, arbitrary exercises) that could replace resistance training at the gym.

And another moment, one I still remember vividly to this day even though it has been 15+ years… is the moment I decided to give an off-the-cuff speech at the end of class highlighting things I learned from study… to hopefully inspire these people who were two, maybe even three times my age.

…And I’ve been working on that last one ever since.

My point being: don’t pray for easier jobs; challenge yourself to do the hardest ones… better.

As a 20+ year martial arts instructor, I’d say less than 5% of the students who quit have told me they were going to do so face-to-face. The other 95% simply ghost—and I get it. It’s difficult to arrange a formal sit down with the instructor. It’s difficult to confront those feelings of maybe let down, disappointment, sadness, frustration, or moving on. It’s difficult to find the right words, to stay composed, or to know for sure if it’s the right decision…

But, the fact that it’s difficult is the point.

Think about what this teaches them… that just because ghosting is easy doesn’t mean it’s right. It teaches them that taking the extra time to arrange a formal sit down is worth it. It teaches them to put words to feelings and how to communicate those feelings to others… as opposed to just getting distracted with another busyness or obligation and hiding. It teaches them how to navigate the awkwardness, tension, and discomfort of being face-to-face with someone you’re in a difficult conversation with so that you can remain present in the space and navigate… without getting overly emotional, shutting down, and running away.

Think about what these lessons would instill in our children as they grow older and get faced with more and more difficult conversational circumstances.

Think about how many times you’ve been ghosted and how it likely was a learned behavior.

Think about how many grown adults could’ve used this kind of lesson as a child and how much different things would be for them (and you) as a grown up…

I watched a video the other day of a guy in a legitimate virtual interview, answering questions with an AI app, in real time.

The interviewer would ask a question, the AI would type a response on the guy’s phone essentially instantaneously, and the interviewee would simply read verbatim what it came up with.

…And the interviewer had no idea.

But, you know when they will?

…When they meet IRL.

See I’m all for AI becoming your assistant and helping you process information, come up with ideas, and create in ways that help you better do your job.

But, when you use AI to replace yourself completely? To speak for you verbatim? To act in place of your own authenticity, uniqueness, perspective, experience, and social/emotional intelligence?

…Don’t be surprised when AI does, in fact, replace you completely.

Some of the strongest people I know are the ones who have been through the most in their lives.

The idea being, of course, that strength is found in proportion to the number of adversity/challenges/obstacles faced and moved forward through.

Which means, if you want to be a strong person, it would be in your best interest to develop your courage so as to better face the adversity/challenges/obstacles of your life and then to invest in your spirit which is essentially the horse that pulls the carriage (you) forward and through whichever of the above mentioned experiences you’re facing.

If you want to develop your courage, remember that it feels the same as fear—you’re just choosing to make a different decision in spite of that feeling.

And if you want to develop your spirit, remember it feels similar to faith—you’re not sure exactly how it will all turn out, just that forward and through will lead to a better turn out than running from and away.

Without courage, you’ll never even face the correct direction (towards strength). And without spirit, you’ll be an abandoned carriage without its horse—moving exactly nowhere.

If you want to be strong, remember this and invest in courage and spirit.