Category: Doing What’s Hard

Inside each of us are two selves engaged in ongoing negotiations about how to spend the available resources of the day.

The One is loud, about the now, and loves quick dopamine hits.

The Other is quiet, long-term oriented, and loves compounding returns from investments.

The One says, “You’re too old,” “You’re too weak,” “You’re too tired,” “You’re too late,” “You’re too busy…”—Let’s hit up TikTok instead.

The Other whispers, “You’ll do what you can,” “You’ll get stronger,” “You’ll give only what energy you have,” “You’ll be happy you went anyway,” “You’ll make time for what’s important—let’s take away from screentime instead.”

And the reason The One is so cunning and conniving is because it never presents as the enemy… it always presents as your friend.

And rather than gear up for battle against a full fledged, sword drawn, lion roaring enemy who’s charging at you from the other side of a battle field… you sit there with this “friend” who’s giving you warm tea and a blanket and whispering “Relax” and “It’s no big deal” and “It’s just this time” and “You’ve already been so good” and “You’ll look silly” and “You’ve got so many other things to do…” and a million other excuses that are oftentimes—quite hard to refute.

This is where WE need to get clever and strategic.

And in the same way we might politely say “Thank you” or smile and nod or rebut back with whispers of our own—and get up, excuse ourself out, and move forward with our life in real life—it’s good to remember that warm and kind and opinionated doesn’t always mean friend.

Why are some of the most popular classes I teach the ones that I announce are going to be the hardest?

I’ll tell you why: it’s because deep down, underneath all of the noise of the mind, many of us want to do hard things so that we can become great.

On a day-to-day basis, however, it’s the noise of the mind that usually wins over our attention and subsequent actions—and we stay within the realm of what’s comfortable, usual, and easy.

But, of course, that leaves us feeling unchallenged, underwhelmed, and unfulfilled.

Lead too many of those days in a row and it becomes an aching feeling that swells.

…Until eventually it grows to the point where it’s too hard to ignore or muffle under the general noise of the mind—which is what usually works—and we start to hear the pulsing cries from within.

“There’s got to be more to life than this…”

“Is this really all that I’m here to do…?”

“What will people remember about me when I’m gone?”

…And we resolve to step it up a little bit. To push ourselves a little bit more. To uncover a little more of the potential we have inside.

And the best way to do that, our spirit whispers to us from deep within, is to voluntarily do hard things.

Today was one of the last days my martial arts students could test for their new belts/levels from the quarter four curriculum of 2025.

And one of the key moments that we create that usually happens at the end of every belt/level test is a hard series of physical challenges that are paired with the simple question: “Are you tired?”

Usually during their first ever test and during the occasional mid level test, they’ll say’ “Yes!”

And the response my staff and I always encourage them to say is, “No, ma’am/sir!”

During one test, I had a student say to me, “But, I am tired… and I don’t want to lie about it…”

To which I said, “And I appreciate that sentiment… but what I always want you to remember is that your mind is lying to you.”

Because what you feel like as being “tired” is really only a fraction of what you’re capable of doing. A micro-fraction in most cases.

…They just don’t know the true extent of their capabilities and potential limits.

Which is where my job comes in.

And the only way to get them there is to push the body… and the only way to do that is to strengthen their mind. Which happens one, “No ma’am/sir—I’m not tired” at a time.

I started teaching adult martial arts classes when I was young.

I remember being in high school and college, getting in front of a class of parents, higher ranking black belts, and business professionals thinking to my self, “Who am I to be giving these people lessons?”

But, I was thrusted into the position nonetheless and forced myself to add as much value as I could to make myself feel better.

And most of what I taught was essentially just copy-pasted techniques, tactics, and strategies from my instructors.

…But, I can remember a few very distinct moments in my journey when I decided to take a risk and do something of my own.

Once such moment was a time I decided to completely change the format of the class and do self-defense first rather than last. My thought being that’s how it’s going to be in reality, so why do a warm-up for self-defense in class?

Another such moment was a time I decided to create a 12-week strength training program that would assign specific exercises, reps, and sets in each class (instead of just doing spur of the moment, arbitrary exercises) that could replace resistance training at the gym.

And another moment, one I still remember vividly to this day even though it has been 15+ years… is the moment I decided to give an off-the-cuff speech at the end of class highlighting things I learned from study… to hopefully inspire these people who were two, maybe even three times my age.

…And I’ve been working on that last one ever since.

My point being: don’t pray for easier jobs; challenge yourself to do the hardest ones… better.

As a 20+ year martial arts instructor, I’d say less than 5% of the students who quit have told me they were going to do so face-to-face. The other 95% simply ghost—and I get it. It’s difficult to arrange a formal sit down with the instructor. It’s difficult to confront those feelings of maybe let down, disappointment, sadness, frustration, or moving on. It’s difficult to find the right words, to stay composed, or to know for sure if it’s the right decision…

But, the fact that it’s difficult is the point.

Think about what this teaches them… that just because ghosting is easy doesn’t mean it’s right. It teaches them that taking the extra time to arrange a formal sit down is worth it. It teaches them to put words to feelings and how to communicate those feelings to others… as opposed to just getting distracted with another busyness or obligation and hiding. It teaches them how to navigate the awkwardness, tension, and discomfort of being face-to-face with someone you’re in a difficult conversation with so that you can remain present in the space and navigate… without getting overly emotional, shutting down, and running away.

Think about what these lessons would instill in our children as they grow older and get faced with more and more difficult conversational circumstances.

Think about how many times you’ve been ghosted and how it likely was a learned behavior.

Think about how many grown adults could’ve used this kind of lesson as a child and how much different things would be for them (and you) as a grown up…

I watched a video the other day of a guy in a legitimate virtual interview, answering questions with an AI app, in real time.

The interviewer would ask a question, the AI would type a response on the guy’s phone essentially instantaneously, and the interviewee would simply read verbatim what it came up with.

…And the interviewer had no idea.

But, you know when they will?

…When they meet IRL.

See I’m all for AI becoming your assistant and helping you process information, come up with ideas, and create in ways that help you better do your job.

But, when you use AI to replace yourself completely? To speak for you verbatim? To act in place of your own authenticity, uniqueness, perspective, experience, and social/emotional intelligence?

…Don’t be surprised when AI does, in fact, replace you completely.