Category: Doing What’s Hard

I have been trying to get a childhood friend of mine to play basketball with my crew and I for over 3 years.

Today… he finally played.

He was rusty, he said.

His shot was off, he said.

His conditioning wasn’t what it used to be, he said.

He couldn’t drive because his shoes were slippery, he said.

He was going to need to sub a lot during the game, he said.

…But you know what he said today that rang louder than anything else mentioned above?

Yes.

He said yes to playing.

He said yes to beginning to get the rust off.

He said yes to starting the process of recalibrating his shot.

He said yes to getting his conditioning back up and getting better shoes and getting to a point where he doesn’t need to sub as much during games.

…He said yes to getting back out of his comfort zone, meeting himself where he was—rust and all, and doing something that’ll help him grow.

Today was the hardest step to take.

It’s down hill from here.

…It’s only transferred/shared.

This is why when you’re sitting at home by yourself, contemplating whether you should do that thing you know you should do or not, it can be so damn hard to find the energy to do it.

…Because there’s no energy being shared/gifted to you.

You’re just trying to create energy out of thin air.

This is also why when you show up to do that thing you know you should do, and there are a bunch of other people doing the thing already, it suddenly becomes easier…

It’s almost as though the energy… well… appears out of thin air.

…It’s because it kind of does.

The thin air is the medium through which energy is transferred/shared. And when you get a handful of people in a room who are givers of energy—everybody leaves feeling boosted. The opposite is also true as well. Get a bunch of energy vampires in a room and you’ll probably have been better off staying in that original room by yourself.

Those who understand this fundamental principle of physics understand a key strategy for getting hard things done easier in life.

…Which is at the cornerstone of all proper inner work matters.

Sometimes it’s good to be a “hotel princess”—as one of my friends put it—and sometimes it’s good to be a “tent bum.”

Being a “hotel princess” is about choosing a situation where zero choices will need to be made about how your basic living needs are going to be met. It’s about choosing running water, air conditioned rooms, Wi-Fi access, room service, and soft beds. It’s about choosing comfort. And there is certainly a time and a place for this.

Being a “tent bum” is about choosing a situation where all choices will need to be made about how your basic living needs are going to be met. It’s about flexing your survival skill muscles and challenging yourself to figure out how you’re going to stay hydrated/clean, warm/cool, connected if/when needed, functional/fed, and where/how you’re going to set up a shelter for rest/recovery. It’s about intentionally choosing discomfort. Something many people in the modern world don’t make a time or space for in the least.

Even camping in the modern age looks less and less like the latter and is looking more and more like the former—there’s RVs, remote AirBnBs, and glamping setups galore.

And I get it—travel can be stressful enough. Especially travel to remote parts of the world where there are so many unknowns as is.

…But if you want an inner work challenge? An opportunity to see—and possibly grow—what you’re made of?

Try being a “tent bum” for a few days in the woods.

It’ll most likely elicit more inward reflection and growth than being a “hotel princess” ever would.

In all my years running black belt and higher degree test, I’ve never had anybody say to me they regret participating in a really hard test.

Heck, candidates are much quicker to complain about a test being easy than they ever are to complain about a test being hard.

In fact, hard tests usually lead to bragging more than any kind of complaint.

And I think this illustrates something about all of us. That surface level, sure, we want to follow the path of least resistance. And do what’s easy. And complain about all that’s hard with our life.

…But that we also crave meaning.

And that deep down we know that nothing worthwhile comes easily. And so when we sign up for something that’s supposed to be hard, if we don’t get it, we complain because what we were after wasn’t “easy”—what we were after was meaning.

And by not giving us hard, it isn’t that you gifted us easy… it’s that you took away meaning.

…And that’s much harder to deal with than a meaningless easy.

Some of our martial arts students will shave their heads before big black belt or higher degree tests as a demonstration of their humility—to demonstrate that they are more than their hair. And that it isn’t the hair that makes the person, it’s the character that does.

And some of the students will really struggle with this… they’ll worry about what other people might say to them about it and/or that they’ll get made fun of or ostracized in some way.

…But I tell you what, the students who do go through with it? The ones who choose to sacrifice beauty for a chance to build character? The ones who decide to trust in their self-opinion more than in the opinion of others? The ones who choose the difficult route over the comfort zone option?

These are the students who get the most from their black belt and higher degree tests. These are the students who leave the test, not just with a different colored belt or added bar, but with a different colored character and an example that raises the bar.

…Because these are the students—not just of the martial arts who are in it for belts and titles—but of life who are in it for self-awareness and experiential knowledge.

If you have social anxiety or feel nervous about showing up to an event solo that you want to go to… because you feel like you need your family or friends there with you at all times… maybe just try showing up and seeing what happens?

If you feel tired or like you’d rather be lazy… or feel like you need to be motivated or amped up before going to a workout class or exercise based activity… maybe just commit to showing up and seeing what happens?

If you are a planner and get invited to a trip with friends, but don’t have details on where you’ll be staying… who you’ll be staying with… modes of transportation… etc… all that’s confirmed is the round trip plane ticket… maybe just commit to the plane ticket and trust that you’ll figure out the rest as it unfolds…?

Maybe instead of needing to know all of the exact details ahead of time… or needing specific criteria to be met… or needing to feel a certain kind of way before doing or trying something…

Maybe just commit to showing up and seeing what happens from there?

Being disciplined is impressive.

Living aligned is like being consistently disciplined… only without as much effort.

Being disciplined is not eating a cookie when there’s constantly a bowl of them in front of you. Living aligned is not eating a cookie because there aren’t any cookies for you to eat.

Being disciplined is forcing yourself to get through a grueling workout. Living aligned is getting your workout in via your favorite sport/activity.

Being disciplined is working hard on a project that bores you to tears. Living aligned is looking up at the clock after having worked really hard on a project and being shocked at how much time has gone by… and wanting to keep going to complete more.

If you find yourself wondering how the best are as disciplined as they are… it’s not because they have a superhuman amount of willpower… it’s because they’re excellent at aligning what needs to get done with their circadian rhythm/schedule, aptitudes/abilities, interests/curiosities, identity/self-awareness, home/work environments, and so on.

Don’t blame it on the discipline… blame it on the misalignment.